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The communication strategy that saved our relationship is not to talk about what the other does or doesn't do, but instead talk about how some things make you f
by cycomanic 5y ago
The communication strategy that saved our relationship is not to talk about what the other does or doesn't do, but instead talk about how some things make you feel. For example: "when there is a glass on the sink I feel like I'm feeling undervalued..." the other than needs to first acknowledge how the other feels "I hear that you feel undervalued..." before giving their argument.
It sounds very formulaic but it really helps to deescalate the situation. It's much more difficult to escalate a fight if your partner says they are hurting.
- usefulcat 5y agoThis is good advice. I would only add that it can sometimes be difficult for a person to know how they are feeling or why. You have to know how you're feeling before you can meaningfully express yourself as "when you do X I feel Y".
- op00to 5y agoYes, that's where people must take personal responsibility for their own happiness and put the work in to understand and master their emotions. It's silly to assume that everyone is just born able to effectively manage emotions.