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> it's not that the husband expects his wife to do all the chores, it's that he doesn't actually believe the chores need to be done. This doesn't get said enou

> it's not that the husband expects his wife to do all the chores, it's that he doesn't actually believe the chores need to be done. This doesn't get said enough. It also not just wife vs husband - we all have different standards and it's a lesson that needs to be learned that usually someone isn't being malicious it's just not easy to force yourself to notice something if it's fine by your standards but not by your partner's.

biomcgary 5y ago
I have certain expectations how our home should function, but I don't expect my partner to do the work of meeting those expectations. I put them on myself. My partner has certain expectations of how the home should function. They should put those expectations on themselves. Work toward shared expectations should be shared. I would assert that when one partner works disproportionately toward meeting the unshared expectations of the other partner (than vice versa), they are being exploited by that partner. Society frequently privileges some expectations over others. Consequently, one partner often feels disproportionately entitled to work from the other partner to fulfill their expectations.
- op00to 5y ago
  > My partner has certain expectations of how the home should function. They should put those expectations on themselves. Work toward shared expectations should be shared. Three excellent rules for a successful marriage.
- StillBored 5y ago
  Yah, this might be the most succinct summary of I've seen so far of the entire argument too. And I might add, there isn't really a solution to that entitled attitude as long as it exists. The desired outcome, of the other partner trying to meet the expectations long term is likely just going to create resentment, or vise versa when the they don't try. So your right, if you can't match expectations its going to be a lose-lose scenario if people aren't willing to do the work themselves.

biomcgary 5y ago

I have certain expectations how our home should function, but I don't expect my partner to do the work of meeting those expectations. I put them on myself. My partner has certain expectations of how the home should function. They should put those expectations on themselves. Work toward shared expectations should be shared. I would assert that when one partner works disproportionately toward meeting the unshared expectations of the other partner (than vice versa), they are being exploited by that partner. Society frequently privileges some expectations over others. Consequently, one partner often feels disproportionately entitled to work from the other partner to fulfill their expectations.

op00to 5y ago
> My partner has certain expectations of how the home should function. They should put those expectations on themselves. Work toward shared expectations should be shared. Three excellent rules for a successful marriage.
StillBored 5y ago
Yah, this might be the most succinct summary of I've seen so far of the entire argument too. And I might add, there isn't really a solution to that entitled attitude as long as it exists. The desired outcome, of the other partner trying to meet the expectations long term is likely just going to create resentment, or vise versa when the they don't try. So your right, if you can't match expectations its going to be a lose-lose scenario if people aren't willing to do the work themselves.