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It's time to ask your partner how they feel about the relationship, what they value in your contributions, and what they feel they are contributing, and vice-ve

It's time to ask your partner how they feel about the relationship, what they value in your contributions, and what they feel they are contributing, and vice-versa. This is a way for you to learn if you are undervaluing your partner's contributions, or if they think/know that they are free-riding.

incomingpain 5y ago
I hear you and I'm afraid of the answer. I am extremely conflict averse. I sit at the dinner table hoping to talk every night. She's busy scrolling facebook. Yes sometimes I end up on my phone as well, but I actively make the effort to be there to talk. >you are undervaluing your partner's contributions I am a big believer in legitimate praise and even giving compliments to strangers. Though obviously stearing clear of flattery and fakeness. Once in a while she does find the energy to do something. I always notice and say something positive.
- username923409 5y ago
  In my opinion, you should reevaluate whether or not your current relationship is worth continuing. Everything you've written so far sounds like your wife is simply a parasite. Just being blunt because it sounds like you're being too hard on yourself; going through married life caring for the equivalent of an adult child the entire time is not something anyone should be expected to do. Feel free to just think of me as some internet a*hole, but I'm just feeling terrible imagining myself in your position.
  - incomingpain 5y ago
    >Feel free to just think of me as some internet a*hole, but I'm just feeling terrible imagining myself in your position. Nope, I appreciate the advice. From another post I think I discovered the approach. No splitsville needed.
- scythe 5y ago
  >I am extremely conflict averse. Is this you? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Anxious-preoccupied https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Anxious-p...
  - incomingpain 5y ago
    The 4 options would make me secure. I genuinely find other people interesting, I can pull the craziest stories out of people. People always have an interesting story, crimes are often involved lol. As for my self-esteem... my ego is probably a bit too big.
- aantix 5y ago
  You have to learn to speak your truth courageously and divorce yourself from the outcome. Going through is the only way out. E.g. If you want more talk time at dinner, then voice that, and state that you will work on being present as well. To show that that you're in it together.

incomingpain 5y ago

I hear you and I'm afraid of the answer. I am extremely conflict averse. I sit at the dinner table hoping to talk every night. She's busy scrolling facebook. Yes sometimes I end up on my phone as well, but I actively make the effort to be there to talk. >you are undervaluing your partner's contributions I am a big believer in legitimate praise and even giving compliments to strangers. Though obviously stearing clear of flattery and fakeness. Once in a while she does find the energy to do something. I always notice and say something positive.

username923409 5y ago
In my opinion, you should reevaluate whether or not your current relationship is worth continuing. Everything you've written so far sounds like your wife is simply a parasite. Just being blunt because it sounds like you're being too hard on yourself; going through married life caring for the equivalent of an adult child the entire time is not something anyone should be expected to do. Feel free to just think of me as some internet a*hole, but I'm just feeling terrible imagining myself in your position.
- incomingpain 5y ago
  >Feel free to just think of me as some internet a*hole, but I'm just feeling terrible imagining myself in your position. Nope, I appreciate the advice. From another post I think I discovered the approach. No splitsville needed.
scythe 5y ago
>I am extremely conflict averse. Is this you? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Anxious-preoccupied https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Anxious-p...
- incomingpain 5y ago
  The 4 options would make me secure. I genuinely find other people interesting, I can pull the craziest stories out of people. People always have an interesting story, crimes are often involved lol. As for my self-esteem... my ego is probably a bit too big.
aantix 5y ago
You have to learn to speak your truth courageously and divorce yourself from the outcome. Going through is the only way out. E.g. If you want more talk time at dinner, then voice that, and state that you will work on being present as well. To show that that you're in it together.