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This might come as a shock, but compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it." That's not a relationship. This wasn't a

This might come as a shock, but compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it." That's not a relationship. This wasn't a pile of dirty dishes. It was a drinking glass that was going to be reused. Maybe she comes from an upper-middle to upper class household where everything got put away at all times, but where I come from, you don't waste dishwater on something you're going to reuse anyway. It's one thing if they pile up. It's quite another if there's a cup or two on the counter that you are using.

em-bee 5y ago
you are still missing the real problem. it does not matter that it's just one cup. what matters is that you are refusing to accept that this is bothering her. you need to find out why it bothers her and work out a compromise that you both can live with. * compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it.* right, but neither is ignoring the problem. with small things like these sometimes the only way is that for some issue you defer to your partner, and for other issues your partner defers to you. if one partner is always getting their way then there is a problem with the relationship. and you'll need to work that out. stop arguing about the cup and start listening to each other.
- MisterBastahrd 5y ago
  No, I'm not missing anything. It's a ridiculous and childish thing to get upset over. Of all the other possible things that they could have disagreements about, THIS is something that SHE should have let be, because it does no harm to her and he has a rational explanation for it. It is literally picking shit to be upset over for the sake of having something to hold over your partner's head, and an indication that one or both of them was too emotionally immature to be married in the first place.
  - em-bee 5y ago
    that may be so, and yes, it may be a sign of emotional immaturity but telling my wife that she is ridiculous and childish is not going to help. on the contrary, responding like that would be immature on my part, it would only make things worse. i need to listen to her and try to understand why this bothers her so much and then we need to work out a solution that we can both accept. who is right or wrong is not relevant, only consensus and unity matter, but you can't achieve unity by insisting to be right. on the contrary, instead of continuing to disagree it is better if we choose the wrong solution as long as we both agree with it, because only when we are united and neither of us insist to stick to our egos, we will be able to eventually accept that the solution was wrong and find a better one.
    - MisterBastahrd 5y ago
      If you're married to someone ridiculous and childish, that's on you. The immature part is getting involved in a dedicated relationship to that person in the first place. Everything else after that is lagniappe. Unity doesn't matter when it comes from a place of tyranny.
      - em-bee 5y ago
        if there is tyranny there can't be unity. unity requires that both partners treat each other with love and respect. the partner may not be aware what they are doing because they grew up with that kind of treatment from their parents. it may be normal to them without being intentional. in that case nothing short of therapy with a relationship counselor will help. if they are doing it intentionally then probably even therapy won't help. (if you want to talk about more details we can take this private, my email is in my profile)

em-bee 5y ago

you are still missing the real problem. it does not matter that it's just one cup. what matters is that you are refusing to accept that this is bothering her. you need to find out why it bothers her and work out a compromise that you both can live with. * compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it.* right, but neither is ignoring the problem. with small things like these sometimes the only way is that for some issue you defer to your partner, and for other issues your partner defers to you. if one partner is always getting their way then there is a problem with the relationship. and you'll need to work that out. stop arguing about the cup and start listening to each other.

MisterBastahrd 5y ago
No, I'm not missing anything. It's a ridiculous and childish thing to get upset over. Of all the other possible things that they could have disagreements about, THIS is something that SHE should have let be, because it does no harm to her and he has a rational explanation for it. It is literally picking shit to be upset over for the sake of having something to hold over your partner's head, and an indication that one or both of them was too emotionally immature to be married in the first place.
- em-bee 5y ago
  that may be so, and yes, it may be a sign of emotional immaturity but telling my wife that she is ridiculous and childish is not going to help. on the contrary, responding like that would be immature on my part, it would only make things worse. i need to listen to her and try to understand why this bothers her so much and then we need to work out a solution that we can both accept. who is right or wrong is not relevant, only consensus and unity matter, but you can't achieve unity by insisting to be right. on the contrary, instead of continuing to disagree it is better if we choose the wrong solution as long as we both agree with it, because only when we are united and neither of us insist to stick to our egos, we will be able to eventually accept that the solution was wrong and find a better one.
  - MisterBastahrd 5y ago
    If you're married to someone ridiculous and childish, that's on you. The immature part is getting involved in a dedicated relationship to that person in the first place. Everything else after that is lagniappe. Unity doesn't matter when it comes from a place of tyranny.
    - em-bee 5y ago
      if there is tyranny there can't be unity. unity requires that both partners treat each other with love and respect. the partner may not be aware what they are doing because they grew up with that kind of treatment from their parents. it may be normal to them without being intentional. in that case nothing short of therapy with a relationship counselor will help. if they are doing it intentionally then probably even therapy won't help. (if you want to talk about more details we can take this private, my email is in my profile)