I'm the messy one ( and the wife ) in our situation and this article has made me think about my relationship. My takeaway is that I can sit and pout that my pa

I'm the messy one ( and the wife ) in our situation and this article has made me think about my relationship. My takeaway is that I can sit and pout that my partner shouldn't be overreacting to a glass and I can sit and pout and say why should I be the one to change, why can't he change. Or I can stay married. If I'm going to get caught up in my marriage being 'fair' I'm going to lose. There have to be times when I 'lose' because I give in and he doesn't. I have to trust that there will be times when he 'loses' because he's giving in when I don't. It's that trust that's important. Not each little niggling fight but a trust that the other person is going to value you over valuing some abstract concept of fair. If I show a willingness to overcome my preferences for his sake, then he's going to be more willing to overcome his preferences for my sake. It's easy to get stuck on fair but that turns hundreds of little things into battlegrounds. If I trust that he's a loving caring person than I should be willing to lose. If I don't trust that, then we're already done.