4 ms·

I first want to say that I cringed reading the entire original article. But I want to address something you said as well, "TLDR Women are more picky than Men".

by 300bps 5y ago

I first want to say that I cringed reading the entire original article. But I want to address something you said as well, "TLDR Women are more picky than Men". This is highly age-dependent... On average: A 21 year old woman on a dating site has to be picky. She's getting constant messages from men anywhere from 18 years old to 100 years old. A 40 year old woman is still a bit picky on a dating site but is starting to realize that things are vastly different than they used to be. A 47 year old woman is generally willing to date just about anyone that messages her. Or she’s given up on dating.

metadat 5y ago
This is an over generalization, every person is different and has their own quirks and preferences. The hot take you've presented is useless at best, and possibly even harmful to view people from such a single dimensional lens based on their age.
- 300bps 5y ago
  What's unfortunate is that I can literally emphasize the words on average and use words like generally and still get the accusation that boils down to, "but not everyone is like that." If you think my opinion is useless, the most likely reason is because you have little to no experience with the topic. Are you in your 40s? How many 47 year old women have you dated?
  - metadat 5y ago
    Well, I'm within a year or so of being forty. I've have been on about 75 dates over the last two years with women aged 29 to 50s. IME, often the desirable ladies in their forties have been those who stayed in a dead end relationship for (way) too long. If someone has never been in an LTR by the time they're 35, they were always quite odd and I learned it's a good idea to double click and ask questions to learn what might be going on there.
    - 300bps 5y ago
      Well, I'm within a year or so of being forty. I've have been on about 75 dates over the last two years with women aged 29 to 50s. Huh, the first version of this comment before you edited it said: Yes I'm in my forties, have been on dates over the last two years with about 50 women aged 29 to 50 Another comment from you in this same story says: Soon I should probably ask if she'll marry me, advice on this would be welcome :) we are 9 months in Congratulations on dating about 50, I mean about 75 women in about 15 months. Also congratulations on regressing in age! Since you explicitly solicited advice in your other comment - I think a man in his 40s (or almost 40) would be insane to propose marriage to a woman he's dated for 9 months.
      - metadat 5y ago
        I'm 39, upon re-reading my post I didn't want to be dishonest. And tbh, it was probably more than 75. An epic quest full of interesting people and good learning experiences to discover what is actually out there! But alas, this isn't my primary account - so I try (and happily fail often) to keep it vague. Not that big of a deal either way in the end. > Since you explicitly solicited advice in your other comment - I think a man in his 40s (or almost 40) would be insane to propose marriage to a woman he's dated for 9 months. Haha, thank you! Because of previous trauma, I am also hesitant to rush anything. Then I also have my sister (who just had a baby last year) whispering and telling me to just have a kid with my gf, even if we aren't married. I think she's just baby crazy at present, or perhaps she really does hate me and is playing the long game :) p.s. Not that you asked or that it's really any of my business, but I'll try anyway: One pattern I've noticed in our exchange is you seem to get a bit hung up on the small details. My interpretation is that you are probably a really great engineer, of the sort I enjoy working with the most (seriously). Just don't forget to zoom out and view the forest from time to time! Sincerely, Metadat
- toomuchtodo 5y ago
  https://medium.com/@okcupid/the-case-for-an-older-woman-99d8cabacdf5 https://medium.com/@okcupid/the-case-for-an-older-woman-99d8... > As it is, men between 22 and 30 — nearly two-thirds of the male dating pool — focus almost exclusively on women younger than themselves. I’ll be investigating this phenomenon today, with gusto and charts. Ultimately, I’ll argue that they would be well-served to expand their search upwards, to women in their thirties and forties. > The bar chart here shows how the woman to man ratio changes over time. As you can see, it’s basically flat. In a better world, this would imply that older people don’t necessarily have a harder time finding decent mates than younger ones, as the composition of the dating pool holds relatively steady from age to age. Put another way: a 45 year-old woman shouldn’t in theory have a harder time finding a date than a 20 year-old, because the female-to-male ratios at those ages are equal (roughly 11:9). > Of course, we all know that 45 year-olds do have a much harder time, because the male fixation on youth distorts the dating pool. > As you can see, men tend to focus on the youngest women in their already skewed preference pool, and, what’s more, they spend a significant amount of energy pursuing women even younger than their stated minimum. No matter what he’s telling himself on his setting page, a 30 year-old man spends as much time messaging 18 and 19 year-olds as he does women his own age. On the other hand, women only a few years older are largely neglected. I don't want to pollute the thread with more quotes. Check out the graphs, it's illuminating; the data backs the assertion of the comment you replied to.
samhw 5y ago
> A 21 year old woman on a dating site has to be picky. She's getting constant messages from men anywhere from 18 years old to 100 years old. Putting the rest aside for a moment, I never till recently knew how true this was. I'm gay(ish) and I had never been on straight Tinder, so I always brushed off my friends' complaints as histrionic. A month or two ago I decided, in a moment of experimentation, to set my Tinder to 'bi'. I do pretty well on gay Tinder - overwhelmingly the guys I'm interested in are interested back - so I expected great things. I got nothing. Not a word, not from a single girl. Out of sheer curiosity I matched one time with one of the enormous acneous beasts who were the only girls to swipe right on me, and even she didn't send me a message. It's wild. If I were straight, I'd be an incel by now. I know from (very very little) real-life experience that I'm not that unattractive to (what I'd consider) good-looking girls, but the online dating apps are seemingly just a meat market. I struggle to make sense of it all.

by 300bps 5y ago

metadat 5y ago

This is an over generalization, every person is different and has their own quirks and preferences. The hot take you've presented is useless at best, and possibly even harmful to view people from such a single dimensional lens based on their age.

300bps 5y ago
What's unfortunate is that I can literally emphasize the words on average and use words like generally and still get the accusation that boils down to, "but not everyone is like that." If you think my opinion is useless, the most likely reason is because you have little to no experience with the topic. Are you in your 40s? How many 47 year old women have you dated?
- metadat 5y ago
  Well, I'm within a year or so of being forty. I've have been on about 75 dates over the last two years with women aged 29 to 50s. IME, often the desirable ladies in their forties have been those who stayed in a dead end relationship for (way) too long. If someone has never been in an LTR by the time they're 35, they were always quite odd and I learned it's a good idea to double click and ask questions to learn what might be going on there.
  - 300bps 5y ago
    Well, I'm within a year or so of being forty. I've have been on about 75 dates over the last two years with women aged 29 to 50s. Huh, the first version of this comment before you edited it said: Yes I'm in my forties, have been on dates over the last two years with about 50 women aged 29 to 50 Another comment from you in this same story says: Soon I should probably ask if she'll marry me, advice on this would be welcome :) we are 9 months in Congratulations on dating about 50, I mean about 75 women in about 15 months. Also congratulations on regressing in age! Since you explicitly solicited advice in your other comment - I think a man in his 40s (or almost 40) would be insane to propose marriage to a woman he's dated for 9 months.
    - metadat 5y ago
      I'm 39, upon re-reading my post I didn't want to be dishonest. And tbh, it was probably more than 75. An epic quest full of interesting people and good learning experiences to discover what is actually out there! But alas, this isn't my primary account - so I try (and happily fail often) to keep it vague. Not that big of a deal either way in the end. > Since you explicitly solicited advice in your other comment - I think a man in his 40s (or almost 40) would be insane to propose marriage to a woman he's dated for 9 months. Haha, thank you! Because of previous trauma, I am also hesitant to rush anything. Then I also have my sister (who just had a baby last year) whispering and telling me to just have a kid with my gf, even if we aren't married. I think she's just baby crazy at present, or perhaps she really does hate me and is playing the long game :) p.s. Not that you asked or that it's really any of my business, but I'll try anyway: One pattern I've noticed in our exchange is you seem to get a bit hung up on the small details. My interpretation is that you are probably a really great engineer, of the sort I enjoy working with the most (seriously). Just don't forget to zoom out and view the forest from time to time! Sincerely, Metadat
toomuchtodo 5y ago
https://medium.com/@okcupid/the-case-for-an-older-woman-99d8cabacdf5 https://medium.com/@okcupid/the-case-for-an-older-woman-99d8... > As it is, men between 22 and 30 — nearly two-thirds of the male dating pool — focus almost exclusively on women younger than themselves. I’ll be investigating this phenomenon today, with gusto and charts. Ultimately, I’ll argue that they would be well-served to expand their search upwards, to women in their thirties and forties. > The bar chart here shows how the woman to man ratio changes over time. As you can see, it’s basically flat. In a better world, this would imply that older people don’t necessarily have a harder time finding decent mates than younger ones, as the composition of the dating pool holds relatively steady from age to age. Put another way: a 45 year-old woman shouldn’t in theory have a harder time finding a date than a 20 year-old, because the female-to-male ratios at those ages are equal (roughly 11:9). > Of course, we all know that 45 year-olds do have a much harder time, because the male fixation on youth distorts the dating pool. > As you can see, men tend to focus on the youngest women in their already skewed preference pool, and, what’s more, they spend a significant amount of energy pursuing women even younger than their stated minimum. No matter what he’s telling himself on his setting page, a 30 year-old man spends as much time messaging 18 and 19 year-olds as he does women his own age. On the other hand, women only a few years older are largely neglected. I don't want to pollute the thread with more quotes. Check out the graphs, it's illuminating; the data backs the assertion of the comment you replied to.

samhw 5y ago

> A 21 year old woman on a dating site has to be picky. She's getting constant messages from men anywhere from 18 years old to 100 years old. Putting the rest aside for a moment, I never till recently knew how true this was. I'm gay(ish) and I had never been on straight Tinder, so I always brushed off my friends' complaints as histrionic. A month or two ago I decided, in a moment of experimentation, to set my Tinder to 'bi'. I do pretty well on gay Tinder - overwhelmingly the guys I'm interested in are interested back - so I expected great things. I got nothing. Not a word, not from a single girl. Out of sheer curiosity I matched one time with one of the enormous acneous beasts who were the only girls to swipe right on me, and even she didn't send me a message. It's wild. If I were straight, I'd be an incel by now. I know from (very very little) real-life experience that I'm not that unattractive to (what I'd consider) good-looking girls, but the online dating apps are seemingly just a meat market. I struggle to make sense of it all.