4 ms·
Definitely this. The writer (and many commenters here) are missing a very important distinction. Changing yourself is good and healthy but only when you want to
by rajin444 5y ago
Definitely this. The writer (and many commenters here) are missing a very important distinction. Changing yourself is good and healthy but only when you want to. Changing for somebody else is toxic and will not work.
Marriage is a partnership, not a series of trade offs (in practice it will look like this, but it cannot be seen as this). Both sides should be grateful for the changes they make for one another as well as respect one another when they can’t change. In the case of the latter, it takes two people who believe in committing to one another no matter what. If two people marry without committing to the idea of a life long partnership it’s not going to work.
* Major Marriage Crimes excluded, sometimes people do change and there’s nothing you can do
- glitchc 5y agoBad behaviour always needs a rethink. Change from bad to good behaviour is always painful and unwanted. By your logic no one should change their bad behaviour because they don’t want to change. The id and the superego have to be in balance.
- mkoubaa 5y agoI don't agree with the last point, it's somewhat culturally charged. In many cultures a marriage that isn't intended to be permanent is normal.
- trelane 5y agoWhat cultures?
- usefulcat 5y agoThere's a big difference between changing who you are and how you behave. If a person considers being asked to put a dish in the dishwasher as an assault on their identity, they're certainly entitled to feel that way but they're probably also not well suited to marriage or any similar relationship.