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I am not so sure. In my case, my wife is the "messy" one: Opens a can and leaves the lid in the kitchen table, leaves used clothes all around the bedroom and ba

I am not so sure. In my case, my wife is the "messy" one: Opens a can and leaves the lid in the kitchen table, leaves used clothes all around the bedroom and bathroom, etc. We've been married for 14 years, and the first years it was a constant struggle for me to try to change her behaviour. We even have gotten to the point of raising the divorce card in discussions related to this. But, fast forward to today, I learned not to care. I learned that the decision is easy: Either I accept that she is like that, or I get out of the door. I am free to go whenever I want (as we don't have kids), and after meditating over that choice I've realized that those "bad" things don't really matter. After accepting that, I became happier and less "confrontative" with her.

88913527 5y ago
Sorry to be solutioning here, and I'd imagine you've already tried this after 14 years, but sometimes changing habits can be solved with things like buying an extra laundry basket. It's seems like a small thing, but these adjustments can provide the accessibility that make it simpler to meet in the middle. In the kitchen, we keep a mini-waste bin on our countertop for used coffee grinds. It works for us.
- hallway_monitor 5y ago
  Exactly. Although GP's solution of learning to live with this particular habit is great and necessary, changing the environment is almost always necessary to change behavior. Always look so see what simple change will encourage the behavior you want.
- brimble 5y ago
  1000% this, it's my default solution for most things. I always make sure "change the environment" can't work before I go to "change behavior" (mine or others') Trash accumulating somewhere? That spot needs a trash can. Clothes? That spot needs a hamper/basket. Spot in the yard keeps getting messed up due to walking or cars going off the driveway there? Put down some stone. Behavior modification (for some sorts of things, anyway) should be a last resort because it probably won't work, and requires ongoing effort. Fix the environment, and it's done.
globular-toast 5y ago
That's because you love her. The author's wife did not love him.

88913527 5y ago

Sorry to be solutioning here, and I'd imagine you've already tried this after 14 years, but sometimes changing habits can be solved with things like buying an extra laundry basket. It's seems like a small thing, but these adjustments can provide the accessibility that make it simpler to meet in the middle. In the kitchen, we keep a mini-waste bin on our countertop for used coffee grinds. It works for us.

hallway_monitor 5y ago
Exactly. Although GP's solution of learning to live with this particular habit is great and necessary, changing the environment is almost always necessary to change behavior. Always look so see what simple change will encourage the behavior you want.
brimble 5y ago
1000% this, it's my default solution for most things. I always make sure "change the environment" can't work before I go to "change behavior" (mine or others') Trash accumulating somewhere? That spot needs a trash can. Clothes? That spot needs a hamper/basket. Spot in the yard keeps getting messed up due to walking or cars going off the driveway there? Put down some stone. Behavior modification (for some sorts of things, anyway) should be a last resort because it probably won't work, and requires ongoing effort. Fix the environment, and it's done.

globular-toast 5y ago

That's because you love her. The author's wife did not love him.