3 ms·

"My wife left me because she's either ridiculous and unwilling to compromise on trivial shit, or incomprehensibly dense" is a much shorter and more succinct tha

"My wife left me because she's either ridiculous and unwilling to compromise on trivial shit, or incomprehensibly dense" is a much shorter and more succinct than an entire book, but I guess they don't pay people for that. His articles all read as pathetic blame-porn aimed at satisfying the egos of women, while pretending to be advice aimed at men, and even though his only skills are apparently being someone who got divorced and wrote a book about what he believes to be his failings, somehow that qualifies him for paid counseling sessions? "I blew my hand off with a firecracker and that makes me an explosives expert, buy my book" is a suitable parallel here. Yes, I know, it wasn't "just" the dishes. Neither of them actually wanted to be married to each other, they just wanted a live-in sex partner.

greenonions 5y ago
Maybe this is too personal, but is your relationship with your partner strong? Frankly, my guess, just by your attitude towards this innocuous article, is no.
- MisterBastahrd 5y ago
  It's not an innocuous article. He's literally tried to build a career out of being divorced. Know why my relationship with my SO is better than yours? Because we talk like actual human beings, compromise, don't fight over trivial bullshit, respect each other and their spaces, and don't always have to be right because it's a partnership not a dictatorship. Maybe try that out, see how basic common sense works for you.
em-bee 5y ago
the problem wasn't the dishes or any other issue. the problem was that he preferred to agree to disagree instead of coming to a compromise. that's pretty dismissive. that doesn't mean it's all his fault, but we don't know what her attempts to resolve the issue were.
- MisterBastahrd 5y ago
  This might come as a shock, but compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it." That's not a relationship. This wasn't a pile of dirty dishes. It was a drinking glass that was going to be reused. Maybe she comes from an upper-middle to upper class household where everything got put away at all times, but where I come from, you don't waste dishwater on something you're going to reuse anyway. It's one thing if they pile up. It's quite another if there's a cup or two on the counter that you are using.
  - em-bee 5y ago
    you are still missing the real problem. it does not matter that it's just one cup. what matters is that you are refusing to accept that this is bothering her. you need to find out why it bothers her and work out a compromise that you both can live with. * compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it.* right, but neither is ignoring the problem. with small things like these sometimes the only way is that for some issue you defer to your partner, and for other issues your partner defers to you. if one partner is always getting their way then there is a problem with the relationship. and you'll need to work that out. stop arguing about the cup and start listening to each other.
    - MisterBastahrd 5y ago
      No, I'm not missing anything. It's a ridiculous and childish thing to get upset over. Of all the other possible things that they could have disagreements about, THIS is something that SHE should have let be, because it does no harm to her and he has a rational explanation for it. It is literally picking shit to be upset over for the sake of having something to hold over your partner's head, and an indication that one or both of them was too emotionally immature to be married in the first place.
      - em-bee 5y ago
        that may be so, and yes, it may be a sign of emotional immaturity but telling my wife that she is ridiculous and childish is not going to help. on the contrary, responding like that would be immature on my part, it would only make things worse. i need to listen to her and try to understand why this bothers her so much and then we need to work out a solution that we can both accept. who is right or wrong is not relevant, only consensus and unity matter, but you can't achieve unity by insisting to be right. on the contrary, instead of continuing to disagree it is better if we choose the wrong solution as long as we both agree with it, because only when we are united and neither of us insist to stick to our egos, we will be able to eventually accept that the solution was wrong and find a better one.

greenonions 5y ago

Maybe this is too personal, but is your relationship with your partner strong? Frankly, my guess, just by your attitude towards this innocuous article, is no.

MisterBastahrd 5y ago
It's not an innocuous article. He's literally tried to build a career out of being divorced. Know why my relationship with my SO is better than yours? Because we talk like actual human beings, compromise, don't fight over trivial bullshit, respect each other and their spaces, and don't always have to be right because it's a partnership not a dictatorship. Maybe try that out, see how basic common sense works for you.

em-bee 5y ago

the problem wasn't the dishes or any other issue. the problem was that he preferred to agree to disagree instead of coming to a compromise. that's pretty dismissive. that doesn't mean it's all his fault, but we don't know what her attempts to resolve the issue were.

MisterBastahrd 5y ago
This might come as a shock, but compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it." That's not a relationship. This wasn't a pile of dirty dishes. It was a drinking glass that was going to be reused. Maybe she comes from an upper-middle to upper class household where everything got put away at all times, but where I come from, you don't waste dishwater on something you're going to reuse anyway. It's one thing if they pile up. It's quite another if there's a cup or two on the counter that you are using.
- em-bee 5y ago
  you are still missing the real problem. it does not matter that it's just one cup. what matters is that you are refusing to accept that this is bothering her. you need to find out why it bothers her and work out a compromise that you both can live with. * compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it.* right, but neither is ignoring the problem. with small things like these sometimes the only way is that for some issue you defer to your partner, and for other issues your partner defers to you. if one partner is always getting their way then there is a problem with the relationship. and you'll need to work that out. stop arguing about the cup and start listening to each other.
  - MisterBastahrd 5y ago
    No, I'm not missing anything. It's a ridiculous and childish thing to get upset over. Of all the other possible things that they could have disagreements about, THIS is something that SHE should have let be, because it does no harm to her and he has a rational explanation for it. It is literally picking shit to be upset over for the sake of having something to hold over your partner's head, and an indication that one or both of them was too emotionally immature to be married in the first place.
    - em-bee 5y ago
      that may be so, and yes, it may be a sign of emotional immaturity but telling my wife that she is ridiculous and childish is not going to help. on the contrary, responding like that would be immature on my part, it would only make things worse. i need to listen to her and try to understand why this bothers her so much and then we need to work out a solution that we can both accept. who is right or wrong is not relevant, only consensus and unity matter, but you can't achieve unity by insisting to be right. on the contrary, instead of continuing to disagree it is better if we choose the wrong solution as long as we both agree with it, because only when we are united and neither of us insist to stick to our egos, we will be able to eventually accept that the solution was wrong and find a better one.