4 ms·

I am very pro-trans-rights. But your response here comes across as insanely dismissive to the point of being insensitive. This person is sharing their lived exp

I am very pro-trans-rights. But your response here comes across as insanely dismissive to the point of being insensitive. This person is sharing their lived experience with the world, and based on a couple of sentences of attempting to remember what they felt like 30 years ago, you diagnose them with internalized homophobia? That is so shockingly disrespectful to this person. They didn't say nobody should have gender affirmation surgery, they didn't even say they fully regret it. They shared their experience. Have some respect for the life this person lived.

Spivak 5y ago
If that comes across in the tone, it's not my intention. I have absolutely not one iota of issue with their lived experience. Their story is super important to help people figure themselves out. It's only when they start giving advice that is misinformed or assumes that their experience is universal. The conclusion should be "if you're reading this and your story sounds like mine, then maybe take some time to figure yourself out." I'm not diagnosing them with internalized homophobia, that's literally what they described. They also had to deal with a metric fuck ton of external homophobia too. It's not a bad word, everyone gay person has it to some degree. If you think that bit is some character assassination I assure it isn't. Talking about internalized homo/transphobia inside the community has a completely different denotation then someone calling a bigot homophobic on Twitter.
- PraetorianGourd 5y ago
  I appreciate that you were not meaning to come across that way, which is why I was careful not to call _you_ insensitive etc. All advice comes from a place of personal and learned/observed experiences. To assume this person is not active in the queer/trans community is also without merit. I am not saying it is or what intended to be a character assassination. Two points, the first is that it is still an assumption, and I realize it is something that aligns with internalized homophobia but it is still more fair to say "sounds like" rather than "is". The other point is that you are addressing a community that may not be familiar with terminology, usages and the such within the queer/trans/+ community. It isn't a fault of the reader, they can only go by what they have heard/experienced. For a vast majority of people who may be reading this, being called homophobic will get them defensive right away, even if your _intent_ was to call something what it is. I am not trying to dissuade you from your point but rather trying to explain ways that the same point could be made in a more welcoming, educational way.
  - Spivak 5y ago
    Ya know what, that’s all a totally fair criticism. I edited my comment to soften the tone quite a bit and make it less matter of fact but the edit window ran out. I wrote a very Tumblresque comment when HN usually requires more sensitivity; didn’t really write to my audience.
    - PraetorianGourd 5y ago
      I can't tell you how much I've appreciated this interaction, especially on the Internet. Two people earnestly discussing a sensitive topic and nobody yelled or cussed or went H.A.M. Thank you!!!

Spivak 5y ago

If that comes across in the tone, it's not my intention. I have absolutely not one iota of issue with their lived experience. Their story is super important to help people figure themselves out. It's only when they start giving advice that is misinformed or assumes that their experience is universal. The conclusion should be "if you're reading this and your story sounds like mine, then maybe take some time to figure yourself out." I'm not diagnosing them with internalized homophobia, that's literally what they described. They also had to deal with a metric fuck ton of external homophobia too. It's not a bad word, everyone gay person has it to some degree. If you think that bit is some character assassination I assure it isn't. Talking about internalized homo/transphobia inside the community has a completely different denotation then someone calling a bigot homophobic on Twitter.

PraetorianGourd 5y ago
I appreciate that you were not meaning to come across that way, which is why I was careful not to call _you_ insensitive etc. All advice comes from a place of personal and learned/observed experiences. To assume this person is not active in the queer/trans community is also without merit. I am not saying it is or what intended to be a character assassination. Two points, the first is that it is still an assumption, and I realize it is something that aligns with internalized homophobia but it is still more fair to say "sounds like" rather than "is". The other point is that you are addressing a community that may not be familiar with terminology, usages and the such within the queer/trans/+ community. It isn't a fault of the reader, they can only go by what they have heard/experienced. For a vast majority of people who may be reading this, being called homophobic will get them defensive right away, even if your _intent_ was to call something what it is. I am not trying to dissuade you from your point but rather trying to explain ways that the same point could be made in a more welcoming, educational way.
- Spivak 5y ago
  Ya know what, that’s all a totally fair criticism. I edited my comment to soften the tone quite a bit and make it less matter of fact but the edit window ran out. I wrote a very Tumblresque comment when HN usually requires more sensitivity; didn’t really write to my audience.
  - PraetorianGourd 5y ago
    I can't tell you how much I've appreciated this interaction, especially on the Internet. Two people earnestly discussing a sensitive topic and nobody yelled or cussed or went H.A.M. Thank you!!!