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> Yea. This is something I have thought about, but the wife and I have decided to just wait and see how the middle school years go. I imagine it is going to pro
by fatnoah 5y ago
> Yea. This is something I have thought about, but the wife and I have decided to just wait and see how the middle school years go. I imagine it is going to probably become amplified.
I have a 14 year-old and we have zero blocks on anything. Our logic was that a) kids have far more time to get around restrictions than I have to maintain them, and b) it only takes one friend without such limitations to make any protections moot. I'd much rather see what he's up to and focus on critical interventions than micromanaging everything he's doing.
What we do have is tracking and reporting (he gets the emails, too) and a policy of mom and dad have full access to devices at any time, and the computer is used only with the door open. We've also focused on etiquette, such as putting the phone down when someone is talking to you. Finally, homework, study, and family times are "quiet" times with no devices. We make sure that applies to mom & dad, too.
So far, it has worked well, mostly because we've worked very hard to be consistent with how we apply the rules. We're also very vigilant for any warning signs like obsession, etc. I also talk to him about things he wants to buy for games, etc., including discussing how the games are designed to put you into a loop to buy rewards. Usually I say to defer a couple days and ask if it's really worth it. He pays with his own money and we track purchases. Tracking has helped him really understand how much money _could_ be spent, and made him think hard about whether the purchase was worth it. When questionable behavior occurs, we make it a discussion and not a lecture.