It’s not so much that they deviate from the norm (quite the opposite, there’s a manual that dictates exact phraseology), it’s just that there’s SO MUCH traffic

It’s not so much that they deviate from the norm (quite the opposite, there’s a manual that dictates exact phraseology), it’s just that there’s SO MUCH traffic that they don’t have time to hold hands, and they expect you to be competent. In other words, there’s very little time or room for error, and that can come off as rudeness. It is always the pilot’s prerogative to overrule ATC (if there’s a legitimate reason) and/or declare an emergency. And I assure you NY ATC would take it seriously if you do. They just don’t have time to dance around.