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Blahblahblah mindfulness. Let's get practical in a few points instead: > in that I really dislike following someone else's structure/rules and don't like being

Blahblahblah mindfulness. Let's get practical in a few points instead: > in that I really dislike following someone else's structure/rules and don't like being controlled, micromanaged, watched. Stop. Unless you actively hate the situation you're in, e.g. hate your job, your work, your boss, whatever (in which case you need to get out), take a step back and evaluate whether the structures and rules are really intrinsically bad. If not, stop fighting them, take comfort in them. Obviously it makes you calm and settled once you just accept a particular rule framework. > I have a strong aversion to discipline, and can never get any productivity/organizational methods to work. I don't know you, but are you brushing your teeth every day (even just once, say, in the evening)? Do you feel odd if you skip it? If so, you obviously formed an habit there. Habit forming is hard, but it works. Make it a tiny thing at first, i.e. "sort emails every morning" or "check your todo list every morning". Not more. > I work very slowly, both at home and at work. It takes me longer to do the same tasks compared to others at work, and at home I can only accomplish just a few mundane things that take up most of my day. At work: Let's put that down as a strength. You are good for tasks that require an extreme level of detail. Find work accordingly. At home, especially with this: > and/or I'm thinking about stuff. ... I found that my productivity in mundane household work improved by 9000% by listening to podcasts or audiobooks that I enjoy (or watching videos if the task allows). No, not a work-related, self-help, or "weight of the world" investigative podcast. Something fun. Something you really care about, but in a lighthearted hobby way. Like videogames or vintage cars, whatever floats your boat. (Maybe boats?) I can get so engulfed in what I'm listening to that I'm often actively looking for other mundane, mindless household work so that I can continue listening. > I just want to sit down and read my books and write my essays but I can't Well obviously you don't, and also: > 2) when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely and productively and end up not doing anything. Stop. This is bullshit. You are wrong. Free time is for staying in bed, binge watching a stupid TV shows, falling back asleep, and waking up at ungodly times. For sitting on the floor with coffee and do nothing. And then at some point, when your mind and body had enough for that, you will feel the ache to be productive. To continue reading that science text book, to write that essay. It will feel actively boring and bad to consume instead. Until your mind and body are exhausted again and you start consuming again. Playing videogames, wondering how you could ever be motivated to write an essay. And the cycle continues. "You have to be productive" in your free time is one of the most infuriating bullshit mindsets I've ever encountered, and it seems to grow. If I felt that I had to be productive during downtime, I'd never be! What an awfully exhausting thought.

samh748 5y ago
Thanks for the response but I really don't appreciate the patronizing. I criticize and dismiss myself enough as it is. I'm all for constructive feedback, but this ain't it. You obviously don't understand a thing about neurodiversity. Not everyone can control their brain to "Stop" doing or thinking all these things. No, it's not because we can't take harsh criticism, not because we're "making excuses", not because we're staying comfortable in our "victimhood". We've obviously tried all the things you've suggested (and more). The problem is our brain can't do whatever we want it to do. And by the way, I absolutely LOVE reading and writing, and guess what? The more I love something, the less I'm able to do it. That's the kind of paradox our brain is constantly fighting.
- ganbatekudasai 5y ago
  Obviously I don't know you at all, and have no animosity whatsoever against you. Everything I said was offered as advice, and written from my perspective to explain what helped for me, in the hope that there is maybe enough overlap that it can also help you. As for being patronizing and criticizing, you are probably mostly referring to my last part. I stand by what I've written: "You have to be productive in your free time" is a mindset that I find irritating, contra-productive, and harmful to perpetrate. I am allowed to criticize this in a public forum as long as I don't get personal. I aimed at attacking this particular statement, not your character (and absolutely nothing in what you've written gave me any reason to do so).
  - samh748 5y ago
    Sorry I lashed out. The problem is that certain mindsets are not chosen, but engrained and hard to erase. You can't assume we can simply "Stop" our destructive mindsets. Also, "I just want to sit down and read my books and write my essays but I can't" was the most vulnerable part of my post. You can't just tell me I don't - what the hell?
- ganbatekudasai 5y ago
  > You obviously don't understand a thing about neurodiversity. Not everyone can control their brain to "Stop" doing or thinking all these things. That's an assumption on your part. I understand this very well, I'm probably just much older than you. I say this with an absolutely sincere motive: You cannot make most people care about your ADHD. What you can do is live with that set of symptoms and navigate it, figure out a way forward, adapt life to those circumstances (for example, the podcasts a mentioned are a strategy for me in particular: They make certain the dishes get done after all). For a lot of people medication helps (if a professional agrees), I personally have never tried for various reasons, and because I found other ways to address my specific symptoms. > No, it's not because we can't take harsh criticism, not because we're "making excuses", not because we're staying comfortable in our "victimhood". I have said none of those things, nor implied them. The strategies I've offered don't even make sense if I thought you'd "make excuses". > We've obviously tried all the things you've suggested (and more). The problem is our brain can't do whatever we want it to do. Who exactly is "we" here? And what kind of answer are you looking for, then?

samh748 5y ago

Thanks for the response but I really don't appreciate the patronizing. I criticize and dismiss myself enough as it is. I'm all for constructive feedback, but this ain't it. You obviously don't understand a thing about neurodiversity. Not everyone can control their brain to "Stop" doing or thinking all these things. No, it's not because we can't take harsh criticism, not because we're "making excuses", not because we're staying comfortable in our "victimhood". We've obviously tried all the things you've suggested (and more). The problem is our brain can't do whatever we want it to do. And by the way, I absolutely LOVE reading and writing, and guess what? The more I love something, the less I'm able to do it. That's the kind of paradox our brain is constantly fighting.

ganbatekudasai 5y ago
Obviously I don't know you at all, and have no animosity whatsoever against you. Everything I said was offered as advice, and written from my perspective to explain what helped for me, in the hope that there is maybe enough overlap that it can also help you. As for being patronizing and criticizing, you are probably mostly referring to my last part. I stand by what I've written: "You have to be productive in your free time" is a mindset that I find irritating, contra-productive, and harmful to perpetrate. I am allowed to criticize this in a public forum as long as I don't get personal. I aimed at attacking this particular statement, not your character (and absolutely nothing in what you've written gave me any reason to do so).
- samh748 5y ago
  Sorry I lashed out. The problem is that certain mindsets are not chosen, but engrained and hard to erase. You can't assume we can simply "Stop" our destructive mindsets. Also, "I just want to sit down and read my books and write my essays but I can't" was the most vulnerable part of my post. You can't just tell me I don't - what the hell?
ganbatekudasai 5y ago
> You obviously don't understand a thing about neurodiversity. Not everyone can control their brain to "Stop" doing or thinking all these things. That's an assumption on your part. I understand this very well, I'm probably just much older than you. I say this with an absolutely sincere motive: You cannot make most people care about your ADHD. What you can do is live with that set of symptoms and navigate it, figure out a way forward, adapt life to those circumstances (for example, the podcasts a mentioned are a strategy for me in particular: They make certain the dishes get done after all). For a lot of people medication helps (if a professional agrees), I personally have never tried for various reasons, and because I found other ways to address my specific symptoms. > No, it's not because we can't take harsh criticism, not because we're "making excuses", not because we're staying comfortable in our "victimhood". I have said none of those things, nor implied them. The strategies I've offered don't even make sense if I thought you'd "make excuses". > We've obviously tried all the things you've suggested (and more). The problem is our brain can't do whatever we want it to do. Who exactly is "we" here? And what kind of answer are you looking for, then?