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Man come on. This sounds like you've tried to help some people you care about with issues that are down to a lack of discipline (addiction, financial problems,

Man come on. This sounds like you've tried to help some people you care about with issues that are down to a lack of discipline (addiction, financial problems, etc), and people resented you for it. Now you're writing off all charity and volunteerism because of it? Get real. This is just lazy nihilism.

cko 5y ago
I have had many examples in my life where helping friends have made them dependent on it and later take it for granted. I didn't really set out to help them, either. Just kinda kept saying yes until they expected me to keep saying yes and became 'surprised' if I hesitated when they asked for too much. It was easy for me most of the time, having the freedom of being single and tons of free time. And these are good people. People I like and am still friends with. Maybe not the most introspective people, but then again probably human nature at work. My selfish motivation for helping was to be liked or respected more. And it made feel good. I got what I wanted but there is also a cost.
dangerface 5y ago
Im not trying to write off all charity and volunteerism, my comment is about myself and the problems I have trying to help others, I simply noticed that how I was trying to help wasn't helping. For example you'r comment to "Get real" what does that mean? I assume you don't think I am a robot I assume you mean it as genuinely trying to help in the way you might tell an addict to get real or grow up its a platitude telling them to stop doing the thing they know is bad. A few years ago I would have agreed with you but I have had a realisation about the way I try to help people, does it help them? Will they stop being addicted? probably not, most likely they have heard it before and will just take offence at being talked down to they will double down on the bad behaviour out of spite. Does it help me? When I tell people to grow up it boosts my ego makes me feel like I know what I am talking about, like their problems are so easily solved if only they where on my level of understanding. When I realise that my style of help, helps no one and nothing but my ego is it really help? No it's not, its simply me being arrogant. When I realise that my style of help is no help at all should I continue to subject people to it? No it's not helpful to do so, I don't need my ego stroked and I don't want to hurt others with my good intentions. This doesn't mean that I am agains't helping others I simply realised a problem with how I specifically was trying to help others, I was just trying to boost my ego. I wish I could claim this realisation as my own but in truth it was pointed out to me. If some one pointed out that your idea of help was the same as mine could you accept this realisation or would you become resentful?

cko 5y ago

I have had many examples in my life where helping friends have made them dependent on it and later take it for granted. I didn't really set out to help them, either. Just kinda kept saying yes until they expected me to keep saying yes and became 'surprised' if I hesitated when they asked for too much. It was easy for me most of the time, having the freedom of being single and tons of free time. And these are good people. People I like and am still friends with. Maybe not the most introspective people, but then again probably human nature at work. My selfish motivation for helping was to be liked or respected more. And it made feel good. I got what I wanted but there is also a cost.

dangerface 5y ago

Im not trying to write off all charity and volunteerism, my comment is about myself and the problems I have trying to help others, I simply noticed that how I was trying to help wasn't helping. For example you'r comment to "Get real" what does that mean? I assume you don't think I am a robot I assume you mean it as genuinely trying to help in the way you might tell an addict to get real or grow up its a platitude telling them to stop doing the thing they know is bad. A few years ago I would have agreed with you but I have had a realisation about the way I try to help people, does it help them? Will they stop being addicted? probably not, most likely they have heard it before and will just take offence at being talked down to they will double down on the bad behaviour out of spite. Does it help me? When I tell people to grow up it boosts my ego makes me feel like I know what I am talking about, like their problems are so easily solved if only they where on my level of understanding. When I realise that my style of help, helps no one and nothing but my ego is it really help? No it's not, its simply me being arrogant. When I realise that my style of help is no help at all should I continue to subject people to it? No it's not helpful to do so, I don't need my ego stroked and I don't want to hurt others with my good intentions. This doesn't mean that I am agains't helping others I simply realised a problem with how I specifically was trying to help others, I was just trying to boost my ego. I wish I could claim this realisation as my own but in truth it was pointed out to me. If some one pointed out that your idea of help was the same as mine could you accept this realisation or would you become resentful?