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What you say is true, yet we should aspire high standards, so that we can find out what we are able to achieve. If you set your bar too low, you will never sur

by jll29 5y ago

What you say is true, yet we should aspire high standards, so that we can find out what we are able to achieve. If you set your bar too low, you will never surprise yourself with doing what your previous self deemed impossible, but what your current self managed to do. Most people I meet can do a lot more, by my assessment, than they think they are capable of. Their own thinking then hinders them from trying, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. The trick is to keep a positive-curious attitude about it "let's see if I can" rather than obsessing about others and comparing. Comparing is superficial (people who want to boast do it a lot), and never apples-to-apples, as no-one has the same starting point (parent connections, wealth, genetic disposition/talent etc.).

mjg59 5y ago
Aspiring to overly high standards risks viewing yourself as a failure. There's an extent to which being ambitious drives you to achieve more, but there's also an extent to which it just leaves you feeling depressed about your failures and achieving less as a result. I don't think it's possible for anyone to calibrate that level without help from others who can provide a neutral perspective.
sirspacey 5y ago
I love “positive-curious” it’s amazing state to be in & inspire others to take. I enjoy helping people develop into their full potential! I too used to think setting a high bar was the way to get there. Maybe at the start it is. But then, when I consistently reached beyond what I was capable of, the cost of downfall became overwhelming. After years of that, I couldn’t get back up again. Then I asked a new question: What if I let go of “should?” The justifications for taking action were masking something very beautiful. When the “should” is gone, what’s left is intrinsic motivation. Turns out I’m curious & love trying new things. I also attract people like that & enjoy hanging out with them. Now I’m doing the most impactful work of my life, but with much less pressure on myself. Sometimes I worry about all the things I didn’t do that I thought I would. Rather than turn that into “I’ll get back on track” I simply acknowledge that I’m feeling sad & experiencing some fear about the meaning of my life. The gift I get in return: I can be open with my team that I feel afraid, breath, and refocus on enjoying the day.
diob 5y ago
While I agree that folks tend to doubt themselves and it holds them back, I would caution against holding that against them though (I know you didn't say it explicitly, but it feels that way when you say "their own thinking"). Folks, like you say, come from a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. Those who you think could do more, likely have experienced some "reason" behind their current situation or achievements (trauma, immediate concerns of taking care of family, etc). And so, unfortunately, not everyone has the ability or opportunity to adopt a positive-curious attitude. I will say that such an attitude does tend to arise when coming from a safe / secure background (loving parents, a safety net, etc.). It can arise without those things, but no guarantees either way I suppose. I'm getting to the point where I can myself, but it's been a struggle of getting to the point of feeling safe financially. My own situation is unique, no familial support (more the opposite truly), a need to provide enough for myself (I have chronic conditions). And thus while I'd like to "achieve", I must balance that with "survive". One day I'd like to do more, and I believe I'll get there. Fingers crossed.

by jll29 5y ago

mjg59 5y ago

Aspiring to overly high standards risks viewing yourself as a failure. There's an extent to which being ambitious drives you to achieve more, but there's also an extent to which it just leaves you feeling depressed about your failures and achieving less as a result. I don't think it's possible for anyone to calibrate that level without help from others who can provide a neutral perspective.

sirspacey 5y ago

I love “positive-curious” it’s amazing state to be in & inspire others to take. I enjoy helping people develop into their full potential! I too used to think setting a high bar was the way to get there. Maybe at the start it is. But then, when I consistently reached beyond what I was capable of, the cost of downfall became overwhelming. After years of that, I couldn’t get back up again. Then I asked a new question: What if I let go of “should?” The justifications for taking action were masking something very beautiful. When the “should” is gone, what’s left is intrinsic motivation. Turns out I’m curious & love trying new things. I also attract people like that & enjoy hanging out with them. Now I’m doing the most impactful work of my life, but with much less pressure on myself. Sometimes I worry about all the things I didn’t do that I thought I would. Rather than turn that into “I’ll get back on track” I simply acknowledge that I’m feeling sad & experiencing some fear about the meaning of my life. The gift I get in return: I can be open with my team that I feel afraid, breath, and refocus on enjoying the day.

diob 5y ago

While I agree that folks tend to doubt themselves and it holds them back, I would caution against holding that against them though (I know you didn't say it explicitly, but it feels that way when you say "their own thinking"). Folks, like you say, come from a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. Those who you think could do more, likely have experienced some "reason" behind their current situation or achievements (trauma, immediate concerns of taking care of family, etc). And so, unfortunately, not everyone has the ability or opportunity to adopt a positive-curious attitude. I will say that such an attitude does tend to arise when coming from a safe / secure background (loving parents, a safety net, etc.). It can arise without those things, but no guarantees either way I suppose. I'm getting to the point where I can myself, but it's been a struggle of getting to the point of feeling safe financially. My own situation is unique, no familial support (more the opposite truly), a need to provide enough for myself (I have chronic conditions). And thus while I'd like to "achieve", I must balance that with "survive". One day I'd like to do more, and I believe I'll get there. Fingers crossed.