5 ms·

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, an

by mjg59 5y ago

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, and they had nothing for the 16-18 range. The local night school programming class I signed up for was cancelled because I was the only person who signed up for it. My parents made it extremely clear that the idea that I could ever make money writing software was unrealistic, which meant I was 27 with a PhD in genetics before I jumped ship into software full time. And maybe because of that, I'm pretty ok with things? Every day I'm aware that I could do more. I know people who could take over my job right now who are 15 years younger than me. And that's ok, because I have achieved so much more than ever seemed possible to me as a teenager, and every time I stare out the window and realise I'm in San Francisco and part of the industry that was so far away when I was growing up I have to take a moment to come to terms with the fact that this is actually reality. I know this article is satire, but I also know that many people hold themselves against standards that are not realistic. Almost none of us have achieved everything that we could be, and that's just fine. If you're spending a lot of time troubled by the fact that you feel like you're falling short of your potential then this is a great time to find a therapist who can help you work through that. It's ok to want more than you have, but if you're objectively in a basically good place then you really shouldn't be constantly aware of that in a negative way. I'm at peace with the fact that I'm never going to found the next unicorn company or be CEO of Google or even write some software that a lot of people care about. Let's be kind to each other and ourselves about what we've achieved, rather than holding ourselves to a model of what we could theoretically be if literally everything had gone our way.

justsomebody1 5y ago
This is an exceptionally kind take. Thank you!
- mjg59 5y ago
  That means a lot, thank you!
jll29 5y ago
What you say is true, yet we should aspire high standards, so that we can find out what we are able to achieve. If you set your bar too low, you will never surprise yourself with doing what your previous self deemed impossible, but what your current self managed to do. Most people I meet can do a lot more, by my assessment, than they think they are capable of. Their own thinking then hinders them from trying, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. The trick is to keep a positive-curious attitude about it "let's see if I can" rather than obsessing about others and comparing. Comparing is superficial (people who want to boast do it a lot), and never apples-to-apples, as no-one has the same starting point (parent connections, wealth, genetic disposition/talent etc.).
- mjg59 5y ago
  Aspiring to overly high standards risks viewing yourself as a failure. There's an extent to which being ambitious drives you to achieve more, but there's also an extent to which it just leaves you feeling depressed about your failures and achieving less as a result. I don't think it's possible for anyone to calibrate that level without help from others who can provide a neutral perspective.
- sirspacey 5y ago
  I love “positive-curious” it’s amazing state to be in & inspire others to take. I enjoy helping people develop into their full potential! I too used to think setting a high bar was the way to get there. Maybe at the start it is. But then, when I consistently reached beyond what I was capable of, the cost of downfall became overwhelming. After years of that, I couldn’t get back up again. Then I asked a new question: What if I let go of “should?” The justifications for taking action were masking something very beautiful. When the “should” is gone, what’s left is intrinsic motivation. Turns out I’m curious & love trying new things. I also attract people like that & enjoy hanging out with them. Now I’m doing the most impactful work of my life, but with much less pressure on myself. Sometimes I worry about all the things I didn’t do that I thought I would. Rather than turn that into “I’ll get back on track” I simply acknowledge that I’m feeling sad & experiencing some fear about the meaning of my life. The gift I get in return: I can be open with my team that I feel afraid, breath, and refocus on enjoying the day.
chouxbuns 5y ago
Thank you for sharing - 100% agree. I always try to keep this Alan Watts quote in mind: “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
goatherders 5y ago
I recognize that this is largely a tech forum, but I find it interesting that you choose being a founder or CEO of Google as your benchmarks as opposed to walking on the moon, curing cancer, or something else. Not a critique, just an observation.
- mjg59 5y ago
  Having spent time in biology, being CEO of Google is a way more realistic goal than curing cancer. As far as the moon, I grew up on Star Trek and the idea of spending my life in space and seeing new things was absolutely what I wanted. But once I found that Earth contained a lot of utterly fascinating people, being able to meet them mattered more to me than spending a shitload of time getting as far away from them as possible to do a fairly small amount of rock collection - I'm going to be exposed to more new ideas staying here than I am up there. But it's a fair point! Our aspirational goals are influenced by what we believe is possible, and that's amazingly contextual. What we're lead to believe is possible changes what we believe should be possible for us, and that changes the standards we set for ourselves.
  - goatherders 5y ago
    Well sure. But if one is looking to find "purpose" in life then neither a unicorn nor being ceo of Google does much relative to curing cancer or space exploration. I guess i found it interesting that the suggested "purposes" were so....meager.
    - swores 5y ago
      Considering the huge role that Google plays in many peoples lives and in many other businesses, surely the CEO has a huge potential to do good (or evil). Hell, they could decide to invest shitloads of Google money into cancer research and space exploration. It's not a career path I'm shooting for, but if you made me Google CEO tomorrow I doubt lack of purpose would be an issue.
- erwincoumans 5y ago
  Walking on the moon (or Mars) likely gets boring very soon. The experiences as a CEO of a large company seem much more interesting, and you get to hire a team of experts working on those cures (or whatever floats your Boaty McBoatface).
chasd00 5y ago
> this is a great time to find a therapist who can help you work through that this is probably the best advice i've read so far. Think about how, when faced with a hard technical problem, an SME is a treasure trove of answers. A good therapist is an SME in this problem space.
r0rshrk 5y ago
> I'm at peace with the fact that I'm never going to found the next unicorn company or be CEO of Google or even write some software that a lot of people care about. There's nothing that's stopping you from creating that first personal project, which other people eventually care about.
kashyapc 5y ago
Hi, Matthew! I've always found your technical talks, blog write-ups, and mailing list posts to be interesting and educating. And thank you for all the work you did, and do, in the various FOSS communities — that's already a significant impact for the better. PS: It was a pleasure to interact with you at a few Linux Foundation events. I still remember the Edinburgh speaker event (2018, IIRC) where you've regaled us with some interesting "security incident" stories :-).

by mjg59 5y ago

justsomebody1 5y ago

This is an exceptionally kind take. Thank you!

mjg59 5y ago
That means a lot, thank you!

jll29 5y ago

What you say is true, yet we should aspire high standards, so that we can find out what we are able to achieve. If you set your bar too low, you will never surprise yourself with doing what your previous self deemed impossible, but what your current self managed to do. Most people I meet can do a lot more, by my assessment, than they think they are capable of. Their own thinking then hinders them from trying, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. The trick is to keep a positive-curious attitude about it "let's see if I can" rather than obsessing about others and comparing. Comparing is superficial (people who want to boast do it a lot), and never apples-to-apples, as no-one has the same starting point (parent connections, wealth, genetic disposition/talent etc.).

mjg59 5y ago
Aspiring to overly high standards risks viewing yourself as a failure. There's an extent to which being ambitious drives you to achieve more, but there's also an extent to which it just leaves you feeling depressed about your failures and achieving less as a result. I don't think it's possible for anyone to calibrate that level without help from others who can provide a neutral perspective.
sirspacey 5y ago
I love “positive-curious” it’s amazing state to be in & inspire others to take. I enjoy helping people develop into their full potential! I too used to think setting a high bar was the way to get there. Maybe at the start it is. But then, when I consistently reached beyond what I was capable of, the cost of downfall became overwhelming. After years of that, I couldn’t get back up again. Then I asked a new question: What if I let go of “should?” The justifications for taking action were masking something very beautiful. When the “should” is gone, what’s left is intrinsic motivation. Turns out I’m curious & love trying new things. I also attract people like that & enjoy hanging out with them. Now I’m doing the most impactful work of my life, but with much less pressure on myself. Sometimes I worry about all the things I didn’t do that I thought I would. Rather than turn that into “I’ll get back on track” I simply acknowledge that I’m feeling sad & experiencing some fear about the meaning of my life. The gift I get in return: I can be open with my team that I feel afraid, breath, and refocus on enjoying the day.

chouxbuns 5y ago

Thank you for sharing - 100% agree. I always try to keep this Alan Watts quote in mind: “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”

goatherders 5y ago

I recognize that this is largely a tech forum, but I find it interesting that you choose being a founder or CEO of Google as your benchmarks as opposed to walking on the moon, curing cancer, or something else. Not a critique, just an observation.

mjg59 5y ago
Having spent time in biology, being CEO of Google is a way more realistic goal than curing cancer. As far as the moon, I grew up on Star Trek and the idea of spending my life in space and seeing new things was absolutely what I wanted. But once I found that Earth contained a lot of utterly fascinating people, being able to meet them mattered more to me than spending a shitload of time getting as far away from them as possible to do a fairly small amount of rock collection - I'm going to be exposed to more new ideas staying here than I am up there. But it's a fair point! Our aspirational goals are influenced by what we believe is possible, and that's amazingly contextual. What we're lead to believe is possible changes what we believe should be possible for us, and that changes the standards we set for ourselves.
- goatherders 5y ago
  Well sure. But if one is looking to find "purpose" in life then neither a unicorn nor being ceo of Google does much relative to curing cancer or space exploration. I guess i found it interesting that the suggested "purposes" were so....meager.
  - swores 5y ago
    Considering the huge role that Google plays in many peoples lives and in many other businesses, surely the CEO has a huge potential to do good (or evil). Hell, they could decide to invest shitloads of Google money into cancer research and space exploration. It's not a career path I'm shooting for, but if you made me Google CEO tomorrow I doubt lack of purpose would be an issue.
erwincoumans 5y ago
Walking on the moon (or Mars) likely gets boring very soon. The experiences as a CEO of a large company seem much more interesting, and you get to hire a team of experts working on those cures (or whatever floats your Boaty McBoatface).

chasd00 5y ago

> this is a great time to find a therapist who can help you work through that this is probably the best advice i've read so far. Think about how, when faced with a hard technical problem, an SME is a treasure trove of answers. A good therapist is an SME in this problem space.

r0rshrk 5y ago

> I'm at peace with the fact that I'm never going to found the next unicorn company or be CEO of Google or even write some software that a lot of people care about. There's nothing that's stopping you from creating that first personal project, which other people eventually care about.

kashyapc 5y ago

Hi, Matthew! I've always found your technical talks, blog write-ups, and mailing list posts to be interesting and educating. And thank you for all the work you did, and do, in the various FOSS communities — that's already a significant impact for the better. PS: It was a pleasure to interact with you at a few Linux Foundation events. I still remember the Edinburgh speaker event (2018, IIRC) where you've regaled us with some interesting "security incident" stories :-).