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The problem with many people today, is that their only measure of success is whether they are a success in the eyes of others, often strangers or people they do

The problem with many people today, is that their only measure of success is whether they are a success in the eyes of others, often strangers or people they don't even care about. Find out what you really want, don't care what others think. This way it's much more realistic to have success, and you will probably also be much happier. I don't think many would want to be a CEO if they didn't care what others think.

bigpeopleareold 4y ago
This plagued me for a long time. It felt like the only way to validate my value is based on what someone else said about it. However, what really happened was that relationships are fleeting, attention from others tends to be weak and a lot of the time, no one really does care. Also, I overemphasized process, that certain things must be done in a certain way for them to have a certain truth to it. It is and was crippling. One thing that changed for me last year was that I finally got the passion to get through that list of random topics I wanted to get through without the pretense of trying to prove anything to anyone. It really did work, even though the feeling towards those pretenses still linger a bit. Here on HN, there was once something that stuck along with me, on an article about how people found success in one-person companies. One said that he did what he needed to do and then just find what could be sold from that. It's a simple statement, but what it says lacks that pretense of finding the truth in something, like finding success in other people or even unattainable quality of work.
tonyedgecombe 4y ago
>The problem with many people today, is that their only measure of success is whether they are a success in the eyes of others, often strangers or people they don't even care about. I think the real problem is the pool of people they can compare themselves to is so much larger. No matter what your interests, vocation or career it's easy to find someone on social media who appears to be an order of magnitude better than you are.
cmollis 4y ago
I really only stopped caring what people thought after I got divorced (I was 43 at the time). Before that, it was 'the big house', 'the bmw', 'running the cool business'.. ostensibly, showing off to everyone else how impressive I could be (I wasn't). I felt like a fraud because I hated what I was doing. Others still had more money, a bigger house, and a cooler car. It was an arms race and I was losing. But when all of that was stripped away after the divorce, it was again, just me.. along with my three young kids in my two bedroom apartment. I realized that all of that was stupid, and really didn't contribute anything to who I really was. I was forced to do only what was absolutely necessary.. to stop being selfish and focus on my kids and rebuilding my life. Although I was struggling, it was liberating. Now I could regain what I lost: money, sure..I was always pretty good at my job, but mostly my humility. I didn't come from much, which I used to wear as a badge of honor when I was younger. Losing a lot of 'stuff' made stop caring about where I lived, or what I drove. I could just simply 'focus' on what I personally felt was important, not someone else's arbitrary standard. Now I drive around my neighborhood (in my 12 year old honda) looking at all the late 30-40 year olds racing inexorably towards their collective mid-life crises, doing their home improvements, driving their Teslas that they can't afford, berating their kids because they're not impeccably perfect in every way and I think to myself : 'yeah, I know.. it's coming for you too'..
- daqhris 4y ago
  Your comment is packed with wise advice. Once you lose too much and you must rebuild one's life, there is a fascinating perspective shift that happens auto-magically. For you, it was going through divorce. Mine was becoming refugee. Still, we all came out on the other life with similar lessons. Glad that you shared your experience. My best wishes to you cmollis.

bigpeopleareold 4y ago

This plagued me for a long time. It felt like the only way to validate my value is based on what someone else said about it. However, what really happened was that relationships are fleeting, attention from others tends to be weak and a lot of the time, no one really does care. Also, I overemphasized process, that certain things must be done in a certain way for them to have a certain truth to it. It is and was crippling. One thing that changed for me last year was that I finally got the passion to get through that list of random topics I wanted to get through without the pretense of trying to prove anything to anyone. It really did work, even though the feeling towards those pretenses still linger a bit. Here on HN, there was once something that stuck along with me, on an article about how people found success in one-person companies. One said that he did what he needed to do and then just find what could be sold from that. It's a simple statement, but what it says lacks that pretense of finding the truth in something, like finding success in other people or even unattainable quality of work.

tonyedgecombe 4y ago

>The problem with many people today, is that their only measure of success is whether they are a success in the eyes of others, often strangers or people they don't even care about. I think the real problem is the pool of people they can compare themselves to is so much larger. No matter what your interests, vocation or career it's easy to find someone on social media who appears to be an order of magnitude better than you are.

cmollis 4y ago

I really only stopped caring what people thought after I got divorced (I was 43 at the time). Before that, it was 'the big house', 'the bmw', 'running the cool business'.. ostensibly, showing off to everyone else how impressive I could be (I wasn't). I felt like a fraud because I hated what I was doing. Others still had more money, a bigger house, and a cooler car. It was an arms race and I was losing. But when all of that was stripped away after the divorce, it was again, just me.. along with my three young kids in my two bedroom apartment. I realized that all of that was stupid, and really didn't contribute anything to who I really was. I was forced to do only what was absolutely necessary.. to stop being selfish and focus on my kids and rebuilding my life. Although I was struggling, it was liberating. Now I could regain what I lost: money, sure..I was always pretty good at my job, but mostly my humility. I didn't come from much, which I used to wear as a badge of honor when I was younger. Losing a lot of 'stuff' made stop caring about where I lived, or what I drove. I could just simply 'focus' on what I personally felt was important, not someone else's arbitrary standard. Now I drive around my neighborhood (in my 12 year old honda) looking at all the late 30-40 year olds racing inexorably towards their collective mid-life crises, doing their home improvements, driving their Teslas that they can't afford, berating their kids because they're not impeccably perfect in every way and I think to myself : 'yeah, I know.. it's coming for you too'..

daqhris 4y ago
Your comment is packed with wise advice. Once you lose too much and you must rebuild one's life, there is a fascinating perspective shift that happens auto-magically. For you, it was going through divorce. Mine was becoming refugee. Still, we all came out on the other life with similar lessons. Glad that you shared your experience. My best wishes to you cmollis.