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I discovered I don't enjoy programming at all and I was only ever trying to prove myself smart, because my father had hang ups about being stupid after getting

I discovered I don't enjoy programming at all and I was only ever trying to prove myself smart, because my father had hang ups about being stupid after getting brain damage. Programming itself is horrible, now I'm stuck in a career I hate (or rather I am now aware of my prison). I'm not sure knowing is better.

dontbeevil1992 5y ago
in gestalt therapy this is called being at an impasse - you are in touch with yourself enough to know that you're not happy, but not yet sure how to change your life to be happy. long term I do believe it is better to be in touch with yourself even though there may be periods of discomfort or confusion. it's better to do that than to be humming along feeding your trauma until you reach the age of 50, have a mid-life crisis and realize you've wasted so much time not in touch with yourself.
- dpweb 5y ago
  Mid-life crisis is a real thing - didn't really expect it. But can be viewed in a positive way. Out of what can be a pretty terrifying psychological breakdown, can also be considered part of a process of evolution and discovery. If you're perhaps grounded with the goal, I want to evolve into the person I really am, and should be. Remembering (or discovering) that most of what the world tells you and teaches you is just false. There are reasons why we want the particular things we want and upon deep examination those reasons may be found to be silly. This realization is heartbreaking cause then we feel we are past the mid-point - and have wasted our life! But is a necessary step toward our real goal. It's a tough road, but I believe provides one more dignity than a lot of people's alternatives - numbing the pain with alcohol or drugs or chasing money or false idols so to speak. Not dealing directly with one's pain and difficult questions about oneself.
- hugohamelcom 5y ago
  Absolutely!
- plutonorm 5y ago
  I'm 40 and have a mortgage and a family, changing course is not easy. I've sent out hundreds of emails I got two interviews, both going nowhere. I went to do a startup with a friend with the hope of making something and then growing into a different role. But we haven't made much money and I'm still stuck in development.
voiper1 5y ago
What makes you say you are imprisoned in your career as a programmer? People career hop a lot.
v-erne 5y ago
Why do You believe that programming is itself horrible? I do it for almost 20 years and have love and hate relationship with it, but would never say its intrinsically horrible - its just a tool (the real hell is other people as they say :))
gigaflop 5y ago
If you don't know, then you can't act to change. That's how I try to think about it. Once you're aware of the problem, you can start work to change it, even if slowly. Somewhat related, I used to weigh 270lbs. I changed my mind and made some changes, and was down to 180lbs after 1.5 to 2 years.
nonrandomstring 5y ago
Programming is what you do. It's not what you are. And lot's of what you've learned will not be wasted on the new you, who I wish every happiness to in the future.
- JackFr 5y ago
  This. It's nice to find meaning in your work, but doing so is a luxury not everyone cann afford. More importantly ones work should never be the only source for meaning, nor the most important. There are competeing schools of thought that value and life satisfcation can be measured by what we produce and what we consume. Both those schools of thought are lies, or at least incomplete.
  - plutonorm 5y ago
    This depends on the kind of person you are. Some personalities can survive without purpose others are absolutely floored without it, it's not a philosophy it's a matter of psychological makeup, rooted in biology.
mrnotcrazy 5y ago
Programming provides enough income and ideally time outside of work that you should be able to slowly expand in any direction you want. I will say I have always wanted to be a programmer but I've so far ended up being a better Systems Engineer, regardless though it doesn't worry me since at the end of the day, I am exchanging labor for money.(although I wont Rule out a career change!) Now my job does have some added meaning in that I help to provide internet to rural areas and I can see myself in many of these end users and I can see how impactful it is to provide services. Real life and meaning and by extension happiness is beyond work, it encompasses work but is so much beyond work. Happiness is like gas in that it expands to fill the space you give it, if you look for happiness in programing, you might be miserable. If you look for happiness in being an excellent worker and craftsman then you might be a little bit happier but there are still probably larger spaces. Of course people's brains(and hearts) are different so you may want to see a therapist and there is nothing wrong with that.
lcfcjs 5y ago
AyyWS 5y ago
Why not become a product owner, manager, technical sales, consultant, software architect, solution architect, technical evangelist, PM or some other dev adjacent role? I'm dev adjacent and 1/3 of my coworkers are ex-devs.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

dontbeevil1992 5y ago

in gestalt therapy this is called being at an impasse - you are in touch with yourself enough to know that you're not happy, but not yet sure how to change your life to be happy. long term I do believe it is better to be in touch with yourself even though there may be periods of discomfort or confusion. it's better to do that than to be humming along feeding your trauma until you reach the age of 50, have a mid-life crisis and realize you've wasted so much time not in touch with yourself.

dpweb 5y ago
Mid-life crisis is a real thing - didn't really expect it. But can be viewed in a positive way. Out of what can be a pretty terrifying psychological breakdown, can also be considered part of a process of evolution and discovery. If you're perhaps grounded with the goal, I want to evolve into the person I really am, and should be. Remembering (or discovering) that most of what the world tells you and teaches you is just false. There are reasons why we want the particular things we want and upon deep examination those reasons may be found to be silly. This realization is heartbreaking cause then we feel we are past the mid-point - and have wasted our life! But is a necessary step toward our real goal. It's a tough road, but I believe provides one more dignity than a lot of people's alternatives - numbing the pain with alcohol or drugs or chasing money or false idols so to speak. Not dealing directly with one's pain and difficult questions about oneself.
hugohamelcom 5y ago
Absolutely!
plutonorm 5y ago
I'm 40 and have a mortgage and a family, changing course is not easy. I've sent out hundreds of emails I got two interviews, both going nowhere. I went to do a startup with a friend with the hope of making something and then growing into a different role. But we haven't made much money and I'm still stuck in development.

voiper1 5y ago

What makes you say you are imprisoned in your career as a programmer? People career hop a lot.

v-erne 5y ago

Why do You believe that programming is itself horrible? I do it for almost 20 years and have love and hate relationship with it, but would never say its intrinsically horrible - its just a tool (the real hell is other people as they say :))

gigaflop 5y ago

If you don't know, then you can't act to change. That's how I try to think about it. Once you're aware of the problem, you can start work to change it, even if slowly. Somewhat related, I used to weigh 270lbs. I changed my mind and made some changes, and was down to 180lbs after 1.5 to 2 years.

nonrandomstring 5y ago

Programming is what you do. It's not what you are. And lot's of what you've learned will not be wasted on the new you, who I wish every happiness to in the future.

JackFr 5y ago
This. It's nice to find meaning in your work, but doing so is a luxury not everyone cann afford. More importantly ones work should never be the only source for meaning, nor the most important. There are competeing schools of thought that value and life satisfcation can be measured by what we produce and what we consume. Both those schools of thought are lies, or at least incomplete.
- plutonorm 5y ago
  This depends on the kind of person you are. Some personalities can survive without purpose others are absolutely floored without it, it's not a philosophy it's a matter of psychological makeup, rooted in biology.

mrnotcrazy 5y ago

Programming provides enough income and ideally time outside of work that you should be able to slowly expand in any direction you want. I will say I have always wanted to be a programmer but I've so far ended up being a better Systems Engineer, regardless though it doesn't worry me since at the end of the day, I am exchanging labor for money.(although I wont Rule out a career change!) Now my job does have some added meaning in that I help to provide internet to rural areas and I can see myself in many of these end users and I can see how impactful it is to provide services. Real life and meaning and by extension happiness is beyond work, it encompasses work but is so much beyond work. Happiness is like gas in that it expands to fill the space you give it, if you look for happiness in programing, you might be miserable. If you look for happiness in being an excellent worker and craftsman then you might be a little bit happier but there are still probably larger spaces. Of course people's brains(and hearts) are different so you may want to see a therapist and there is nothing wrong with that.

lcfcjs 5y ago

AyyWS 5y ago

Why not become a product owner, manager, technical sales, consultant, software architect, solution architect, technical evangelist, PM or some other dev adjacent role? I'm dev adjacent and 1/3 of my coworkers are ex-devs.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]