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I said it was interesting, not-boring, and introducing me to more new people than I’ve met since college. I didn’t say it was always easy, but that’s fine by m

I said it was interesting, not-boring, and introducing me to more new people than I’ve met since college. I didn’t say it was always easy, but that’s fine by me because it’s not actually soul-crushingly difficult (again, another misconception popular among young people without kids that turned out to be wrong). The older I get, the more I realize that my friends who optimize for minimal effort (no kids, reluctant to leave the house, picky about what they attend) are gradually sliding into very boring and unfulfilled existences.

Elte 5y ago
I may be like one of your boring unfulfilled friends, except I have a single hobby that makes me feel a sense of purpose, whereas very few other things in my life ever really have. On a rational level, it seems to me that having kids will add a sense of purpose to my life, given how many people share this perspective. At the same time, thinking about the time and effort I will be forced to take away from the thing that keeps me sane fills me with dread. It's not like there's a way back.
- HFguy 5y ago
  What is the hobby?
  - Elte 5y ago
    (Sorry for the late reply - while I appreciate no notifications from HN it also means I tend to just forget about it). The hobby is sports. I'm relatively gifted as a "hybrid" athlete, if I work hard at it I can get podium finishes at OCR / Hyrox type events. I'd still do it without that though, it produces an emotional state that, while not taking away the rational thought that there's ultimately not much purpose to anything that I do, makes me not really care about that at all. Makes things make sense even when they don't. However, the fact that it (a) combines really poorly with a lack of sleep and (b) has an expiration date (athletic ability is of course age bound) do contribute to the sense of dread.
    - Volrath89 5y ago
      Yes I was going to mention just that. Having children will make your life purposeful probably forever? While your hobby has an expiration date and you'll still have many years left. But now that I think about it, it's the same with children. When a 30 year old parent hits the 50 year old mark his children would likely be already left from home. So it's almost the same, still many years left. PD: No notifications from HN is great. Nothing will happen if you forget to answer to an stranger on the internet. I'd have forgotten to check your response if I hadn't manually be looking for something in my own comments' history
      - Elte 5y ago
        > No notifications from HN is great. Nothing will happen if you forget to answer to an stranger on the internet. I think by and large it's a good thing, but in certain cases "nothing will happen" isn't the outcome I'm looking for ;).
- Volrath89 5y ago
  What hobby?
  - Elte 5y ago
    Commented below on somebody else asking the same :).
- PragmaticPulp 5y ago
  > At the same time, thinking about the time and effort I will be forced to take away from the thing that keeps me sane fills me with dread. It's not like there's a way back. YMMV and don’t let my experience be your only guide But I had the same exact feeling. After the first year or two (infant stage is tough, no denying it) I’m actually right back to my hobbies just as before. It takes more planning now to do the weekend hobby events that are out of town, but it’s still plenty doable. I’ve also realized that the number of years that your kids are young and require a lot of attention is actually fairly small. I plan to live to at least 80 and the most attentive child-raising years are only a small fraction of that.
  - Elte 5y ago
    Thanks. It'll happen sooner or later, my girlfriend strongly wishes to be a parent and will probably murder me in my sleep if I back out now ;). I know I'll likely figure it out, as I have everything in my life so far. That doesn't prevent that dread from creeping up, though.
  - gfxgirl 5y ago
    I definitely have at least 3 friends with kids that manage to keep up with their hobbies. 5, 3, and 2 kids respectively. No idea how they do it but they certainly demonstrate it can be done.

Elte 5y ago

I may be like one of your boring unfulfilled friends, except I have a single hobby that makes me feel a sense of purpose, whereas very few other things in my life ever really have. On a rational level, it seems to me that having kids will add a sense of purpose to my life, given how many people share this perspective. At the same time, thinking about the time and effort I will be forced to take away from the thing that keeps me sane fills me with dread. It's not like there's a way back.

HFguy 5y ago
What is the hobby?
- Elte 5y ago
  (Sorry for the late reply - while I appreciate no notifications from HN it also means I tend to just forget about it). The hobby is sports. I'm relatively gifted as a "hybrid" athlete, if I work hard at it I can get podium finishes at OCR / Hyrox type events. I'd still do it without that though, it produces an emotional state that, while not taking away the rational thought that there's ultimately not much purpose to anything that I do, makes me not really care about that at all. Makes things make sense even when they don't. However, the fact that it (a) combines really poorly with a lack of sleep and (b) has an expiration date (athletic ability is of course age bound) do contribute to the sense of dread.
  - Volrath89 5y ago
    Yes I was going to mention just that. Having children will make your life purposeful probably forever? While your hobby has an expiration date and you'll still have many years left. But now that I think about it, it's the same with children. When a 30 year old parent hits the 50 year old mark his children would likely be already left from home. So it's almost the same, still many years left. PD: No notifications from HN is great. Nothing will happen if you forget to answer to an stranger on the internet. I'd have forgotten to check your response if I hadn't manually be looking for something in my own comments' history
    - Elte 5y ago
      > No notifications from HN is great. Nothing will happen if you forget to answer to an stranger on the internet. I think by and large it's a good thing, but in certain cases "nothing will happen" isn't the outcome I'm looking for ;).
Volrath89 5y ago
What hobby?
- Elte 5y ago
  Commented below on somebody else asking the same :).
PragmaticPulp 5y ago
> At the same time, thinking about the time and effort I will be forced to take away from the thing that keeps me sane fills me with dread. It's not like there's a way back. YMMV and don’t let my experience be your only guide But I had the same exact feeling. After the first year or two (infant stage is tough, no denying it) I’m actually right back to my hobbies just as before. It takes more planning now to do the weekend hobby events that are out of town, but it’s still plenty doable. I’ve also realized that the number of years that your kids are young and require a lot of attention is actually fairly small. I plan to live to at least 80 and the most attentive child-raising years are only a small fraction of that.
- Elte 5y ago
  Thanks. It'll happen sooner or later, my girlfriend strongly wishes to be a parent and will probably murder me in my sleep if I back out now ;). I know I'll likely figure it out, as I have everything in my life so far. That doesn't prevent that dread from creeping up, though.
- gfxgirl 5y ago
  I definitely have at least 3 friends with kids that manage to keep up with their hobbies. 5, 3, and 2 kids respectively. No idea how they do it but they certainly demonstrate it can be done.