I have taken SSRI's in the past; I don't currently. I do currently see a therapist. I sometimes consider taking SSRI's again. I'm not sure if I've ever "triumph

I have taken SSRI's in the past; I don't currently. I do currently see a therapist. I sometimes consider taking SSRI's again. I'm not sure if I've ever "triumphed", but my emotional health is lot better than it's been at it's worst. I still feel a lot of challenges. I'm not sure it's true that SSRI's have "really bad side-effects for most people that take them." I know some people have mild side effects, medium side effects, or really bad side-effects. A few people have no side effects. I doubt that most people have really bad side-effects; most people with really bad side-effects probably stop taking them. If you feel like it's a last resort, why not try it? If you don't like it, you can always stop. I think your "utter terror" (in your words) is related to your struggles for emotional health, yeah -- there's no reason for utter terror. I'd also look for a therapist you find more useful. I'd also consider meditation. I'd also consider talking to a doctor about your sleep problems specifically, since you mention that as a particular concern. Once you get to the point that you are desperate that you just don't want to live that way -- and I've been there -- why not try, literally, anything? What do you have to lose?