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As a man, if any female stranger ever initiates a conversation in a cafe, I can safely assume that she has some kind of ulterior motive. That may sound cynical

As a man, if any female stranger ever initiates a conversation in a cafe, I can safely assume that she has some kind of ulterior motive. That may sound cynical or sad, but that's life. Thus I can shut down this kind of interaction long before I feel obligated to meet people for brunch even though it feels awkward.

sammalloy 5y ago
That hasn’t been true in like forty years. Women do initiate conversation now in modern society.
rdtwo 5y ago
Lol ok.
aidenn0 5y ago
That's how I met my wife? I suppose after a few kids and over a decade of marriage, she might just be playing the really long con.
- 9530jh9054ven 5y ago
  Really depends on the individual and the circumstances. I'm defective as a person. Because of that most people are able to pick up that there's something wrong with me on some level in short order. So for me, anyone approaching me unsolicited without a clear objective is already a warning sign. Not necessarily of ill intent, just something unseen and unknown to me. Someone like you I'd assume as some sense of normalcy of being a functional human being. And I'd guess that's probably why some people would find you approachable and why someone would strike a conversation with you randomly.
  - aidenn0 5y ago
    > Someone like you I'd assume as some sense of normalcy of being a functional human being. Nobody who knows me in real-life has ever accused me of being "normal." That being said, there certainly are different levels of "weird vibe" that one can give off so I won't say that your weirdness doesn't trump mine. Also for interests of full disclosure, I'm above average height (182cm) and blonde haired, both of which probably help to tilt things in my favor for a first impression.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
ushakov 5y ago
i've ended up friends with women who wanted to pet my dog when i was out for a walk
- bentobean 5y ago
  Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
paulryanrogers 5y ago
My theory is that attractiveness is a big factor. As a below average male I have similar suspicions of more attractive women striking up conversation. Yet I had a very attractive male friend who said he quite often was approached with genuine romantic interest.
- voakbasda 5y ago
  The women that approach your friend probably do have an ulterior motive: to get into your friend's pants.
  - astura 5y ago
    Conventionally attractive people, on average, make more money, so they could also just be gold diggers.
dvirsky 5y ago
It really depends on the context and situation. One example off the top of my mind - I was working from some coffee shop, at the table next to me another geek was also coding. He seemed to be working on something interesting. After a couple of hours I just struck a conversation. We had lots in common in terms of coding areas of interest, shared some fun battle stories, etc. Eventually went back to coding and then went our separate ways. But it was a fun little interaction that I still remember, while for the life of me I can't remember what I was working on.
astura 5y ago
No, that's not life. I (female) met my husband by striking up a conversation with him at a bar. I didn't (and don't) have any ulterior motive for starting that conversation. I didn't even want to date/fuck him when I started talking to him, just was being friendly. Sure, stay very vigilant about scams, cons, non-genuine people, manipulators, and attempts at recruitment, but it's simply not true that every single female stranger has ulterior motives.

sammalloy 5y ago

That hasn’t been true in like forty years. Women do initiate conversation now in modern society.

rdtwo 5y ago

Lol ok.

aidenn0 5y ago

That's how I met my wife? I suppose after a few kids and over a decade of marriage, she might just be playing the really long con.

9530jh9054ven 5y ago
Really depends on the individual and the circumstances. I'm defective as a person. Because of that most people are able to pick up that there's something wrong with me on some level in short order. So for me, anyone approaching me unsolicited without a clear objective is already a warning sign. Not necessarily of ill intent, just something unseen and unknown to me. Someone like you I'd assume as some sense of normalcy of being a functional human being. And I'd guess that's probably why some people would find you approachable and why someone would strike a conversation with you randomly.
- aidenn0 5y ago
  > Someone like you I'd assume as some sense of normalcy of being a functional human being. Nobody who knows me in real-life has ever accused me of being "normal." That being said, there certainly are different levels of "weird vibe" that one can give off so I won't say that your weirdness doesn't trump mine. Also for interests of full disclosure, I'm above average height (182cm) and blonde haired, both of which probably help to tilt things in my favor for a first impression.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

ushakov 5y ago

i've ended up friends with women who wanted to pet my dog when i was out for a walk

bentobean 5y ago
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

paulryanrogers 5y ago

My theory is that attractiveness is a big factor. As a below average male I have similar suspicions of more attractive women striking up conversation. Yet I had a very attractive male friend who said he quite often was approached with genuine romantic interest.

voakbasda 5y ago
The women that approach your friend probably do have an ulterior motive: to get into your friend's pants.
- astura 5y ago
  Conventionally attractive people, on average, make more money, so they could also just be gold diggers.

dvirsky 5y ago

It really depends on the context and situation. One example off the top of my mind - I was working from some coffee shop, at the table next to me another geek was also coding. He seemed to be working on something interesting. After a couple of hours I just struck a conversation. We had lots in common in terms of coding areas of interest, shared some fun battle stories, etc. Eventually went back to coding and then went our separate ways. But it was a fun little interaction that I still remember, while for the life of me I can't remember what I was working on.

astura 5y ago

No, that's not life. I (female) met my husband by striking up a conversation with him at a bar. I didn't (and don't) have any ulterior motive for starting that conversation. I didn't even want to date/fuck him when I started talking to him, just was being friendly. Sure, stay very vigilant about scams, cons, non-genuine people, manipulators, and attempts at recruitment, but it's simply not true that every single female stranger has ulterior motives.