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> Again, I was tempted to cut off contact, but I asked some friends and again they all said I was insane and imagining things. Determined to prove that I was ca

> Again, I was tempted to cut off contact, but I asked some friends and again they all said I was insane and imagining things. Determined to prove that I was capable of normal human interaction, I carried on. It sounds to me like the author approached these interactions from a place of insecurity, which is exactly what ultra-manipulative types look for in a target. If you don't have a clear idea of what someone wants from you when they ask for your time, it's on you to speak up for yourself and get that clarity. You don't have anything to prove by deciding to continue talking to people that don't seem interested in developing a genuine relationship. > But they walked into that cafe, looked around, and decided I was the easy prey. Given that the author agreed to meet with them four times with an open mind, I'd say that the recruiters found a pretty good target, even if it was ultimately fruitless.

gjvc 5y ago
This is a good set of observations. Do not act from a position of weakness. Do not take a job from a position of weakness. Do not embark on a new relationship from a position of weakness. Sadly, in such situations we are unable to see that we are in such a position, or we believe that whatever opportunity in front of us in the moment is the only one we will likely get (for the foreseeable). Not only does the mind play tricks, but various predatory parties will take advantage of people in such a position.
bobthechef 5y ago
Indeed. People pleasers and "nice" people are prime targets because of insecurities and the lack of courage to be honest. "Oh, I can't refuse to meet later even if I don't want to because I might offend them." That kind of thinking. So they live out the charade and allow boundaries to be trampled just to avoid disapproval because they fear it that much. It doesn't take much to notice this vice in a person who has it. Most people pick up on it rather quickly, even if subconsciously.
rdiddly 5y ago
Yeah cruel though it is, I would need to see a photo of the author if I were going to concur with his surprise that he was selected as a target. If he looks like the typical young computer nerd (while literally typing on a laptop in the café mind you), these people are thinking okay jackpot: no life[0], no girlfriend[1], plenty of money[2], book-smart[3] but not street-smart[4], and probably other things their finely-tuned spidey-sense can pick up that mine can't because I'm not a fucking sociopath. [0] so social contact makes a good lure [1] so sex makes a good lure [2] juicier target [3] which means he can almost talk himself into anything [4] less likely to recognize he's being conned/manipulated
acjohnson55 5y ago
I don't know. Sounds like they put as much energy into the exchange as they wanted and cut it off when it crossed their line. And they got a pretty fun story out of it.
- thr0wawayf00 5y ago
  I didn't say that the author didn't much too much or too little energy into the exchange, but I do firmly believe they chose to continue with those people out of a misplaced need to prove that they could talk to strangers. Those are exactly the kinds of people who fall victim to these tricks. As someone who used to work in financial services and has interacted with many of these kinds of people before, it struck me as odd that at the beginning of the story, the author doesn't even list "they want me to give them money" as a possible reason for the approach, even though that's the single most common reason strangers approach folks like this. He really thought that these strangers might want to have sex though? Ok. The whole piece has a really naive tone to it, trying to intellectualize people that were most likely just trying to bilk the author out of money, which the author isn't even convinced of at the end. > So why did they do it? Maybe they were totally cynical, and just thought I looked like a gullible fish they could exploit for money. But I doubt it. > Most likely, they thought they were doing something good. (For me? For their organization? For the world?) How is it possible to convince yourself that being this manipulative and this misleading is a good thing? It makes me re-evaluate what people are capable of. It took one set of interactions with cult/scam/whatever kind of recruiters these were to make the author re-evaluate what people are capable of? Really? We've lived through decades of senseless war, a declining standard of living and a future that feels less and less certain by the day, but this is what wakes the author up? That sounds like a pretty sheltered life to me.

gjvc 5y ago

This is a good set of observations. Do not act from a position of weakness. Do not take a job from a position of weakness. Do not embark on a new relationship from a position of weakness. Sadly, in such situations we are unable to see that we are in such a position, or we believe that whatever opportunity in front of us in the moment is the only one we will likely get (for the foreseeable). Not only does the mind play tricks, but various predatory parties will take advantage of people in such a position.

bobthechef 5y ago

Indeed. People pleasers and "nice" people are prime targets because of insecurities and the lack of courage to be honest. "Oh, I can't refuse to meet later even if I don't want to because I might offend them." That kind of thinking. So they live out the charade and allow boundaries to be trampled just to avoid disapproval because they fear it that much. It doesn't take much to notice this vice in a person who has it. Most people pick up on it rather quickly, even if subconsciously.

rdiddly 5y ago

Yeah cruel though it is, I would need to see a photo of the author if I were going to concur with his surprise that he was selected as a target. If he looks like the typical young computer nerd (while literally typing on a laptop in the café mind you), these people are thinking okay jackpot: no life[0], no girlfriend[1], plenty of money[2], book-smart[3] but not street-smart[4], and probably other things their finely-tuned spidey-sense can pick up that mine can't because I'm not a fucking sociopath. [0] so social contact makes a good lure [1] so sex makes a good lure [2] juicier target [3] which means he can almost talk himself into anything [4] less likely to recognize he's being conned/manipulated

acjohnson55 5y ago

I don't know. Sounds like they put as much energy into the exchange as they wanted and cut it off when it crossed their line. And they got a pretty fun story out of it.

thr0wawayf00 5y ago
I didn't say that the author didn't much too much or too little energy into the exchange, but I do firmly believe they chose to continue with those people out of a misplaced need to prove that they could talk to strangers. Those are exactly the kinds of people who fall victim to these tricks. As someone who used to work in financial services and has interacted with many of these kinds of people before, it struck me as odd that at the beginning of the story, the author doesn't even list "they want me to give them money" as a possible reason for the approach, even though that's the single most common reason strangers approach folks like this. He really thought that these strangers might want to have sex though? Ok. The whole piece has a really naive tone to it, trying to intellectualize people that were most likely just trying to bilk the author out of money, which the author isn't even convinced of at the end. > So why did they do it? Maybe they were totally cynical, and just thought I looked like a gullible fish they could exploit for money. But I doubt it. > Most likely, they thought they were doing something good. (For me? For their organization? For the world?) How is it possible to convince yourself that being this manipulative and this misleading is a good thing? It makes me re-evaluate what people are capable of. It took one set of interactions with cult/scam/whatever kind of recruiters these were to make the author re-evaluate what people are capable of? Really? We've lived through decades of senseless war, a declining standard of living and a future that feels less and less certain by the day, but this is what wakes the author up? That sounds like a pretty sheltered life to me.