Cornel West has this depiction of pity vs compassion, which I think is a good model. Pity is a spectator activity - you observe someone from the outside, you s

Cornel West has this depiction of pity vs compassion, which I think is a good model. Pity is a spectator activity - you observe someone from the outside, you sort of judge them, make a token action, and then feel good about it. Pity is the agreeable option. You go into the party alone because it's something you can do. You stay with your friends on the dance floor because you don't want to leave them there. The feel-good is not necessarily the right metric, though. It's more of a local maxima. The adult mode would be compassion. Compassion is active participation. You are concerned enough to change someone's situation. Going to the party alone is an act of compassion. It's uncomfortable but you're doing it because you think the host should also have a good time. You're not going alone to avoid the bad feeling, you're going alone because you want the host to have a better evening. There's also the compassionate option of leaving the dance floor with your friends. If you really think your friends are being babies, then the compassionate option might be to all leave together and enjoy it from a distance. But it sounded in this situation that they might actually be having fun in the crowd (it's hard to tell). So the compassionate option would be asking them if they're fine there and want to step out a bit. If they are comfortable, then excuse yourself in a manner that doesn't guilt them into following. The quadrants make it seem a little black and white, but I think the axes are off. I would put one side to being passive and the other to being compassionate. Selfish might also be a misleading term, because in this case, it's being compassionate towards yourself, where you're experiencing a lot of discomfort but your friends aren't.