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I've struggled with suicidal thoughts throughout my entire life, as far back as I can remember. Both of my parents struggle with untreated mental illness that h

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts throughout my entire life, as far back as I can remember. Both of my parents struggle with untreated mental illness that had a major impact on my upbringing. They were often very emotionally abusive and sometime physically abusive throughout my childhood. There was no such thing as positive reinforcement in our household, we lived our childhoods just trying not be punished and it was at times very difficult. When I went through a divorce in my early 30's, I called my mom to break the news and she responded by screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She would later tell me that she was trying to scare me into making sure that I had made the right decision. That night was closest I had come to crossing the rubicon in many years. I still don't fully understand how a mother could talk their child this way in such a difficult moment, but such is life. Years later, I was diagnosed with ADHD which answered so many deep questions about why I am the way I am (and why my parents are the way they are). Life is simply harder for folks with ADHD, we struggle with executive function in ways that neurotypical folks don't often think about. Strangely, one of most impactful moments towards reducing my recurring suicidal thoughts involved magic mushrooms. During a trip, I visualized telling all of the people in my life that I wanted to leave, explaining in detail why I didn't want to live anymore. It was the first time that I gave myself the space to ask myself if I really, truly wanted to leave. And I realized that I wasn't ready. Not yet.

Barrera 5y ago
> ... When I went through a divorce in my early 30's, I called my mom to break the news and she responded by screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She would later tell me that she was trying to scare me into making sure that I had made the right decision. That night was closest I had come to crossing the rubicon in many years. I still don't fully understand how a mother could talk their child this way in such a difficult moment, but such is life. Then Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents may offer some insight [1]. [1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129659-adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129659-adult-children-...
pmoriarty 5y ago
"Strangely, one of most impactful moments towards reducing my recurring suicidal thoughts involved magic mushrooms." From everything we know about the dramatic effectiveness of psychedelics in treating depression in adults, I am cautiously optimistic that one day they'll be shown to be as effective in children as well (given the right therapeutic protocol, set, and setting).
50 5y ago
> Strangely, one of most impactful moments towards reducing my recurring suicidal thoughts involved magic mushrooms. Yes, and also, at least for me, poetry, i.e., Sexton: "Poetry led me by the hand out of madness." Rumi writes, "Choose love! Choose love! / Enter the rose garden, / let your soul make peace with the thorns."
News-Dog 5y ago
Food for Thought Psilocybin aka (Magic Mushrooms) : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybin https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybin Psilocybin Mushrooms : https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psilocybin_mushrooms https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psilocybin_mushrooms Psychoactive Substance Index : https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psychoactive_substance_index https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psychoactive_substance_index Psychedelic Therapy aka (Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy) : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychedelic_therapy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychedelic_therapy SearX > psychedelic-assisted-therapy : <https://search.snopyta.org/search?q=psychedelic-assisted-therapy https://search.snopyta.org/search?q=psychedelic-assisted-the...> - Edit: Remember! Always Consulate your Doctor / Psychiatrist
agumonkey 5y ago
Did it also influence your social relationships ? the people you ended up being friends with (or not if you didn't have the energy or reflexes to be social, can happen too). Asking because often, people with some traits will click will similar minded people, anxious with anxious etc, which doesn't help rewiring your brain. And I assume having various kinds of people around helps finding better models, for expression, handling emotions, etc etc take care

Barrera 5y ago

> ... When I went through a divorce in my early 30's, I called my mom to break the news and she responded by screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She would later tell me that she was trying to scare me into making sure that I had made the right decision. That night was closest I had come to crossing the rubicon in many years. I still don't fully understand how a mother could talk their child this way in such a difficult moment, but such is life. Then Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents may offer some insight [1]. [1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129659-adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129659-adult-children-...

pmoriarty 5y ago

"Strangely, one of most impactful moments towards reducing my recurring suicidal thoughts involved magic mushrooms." From everything we know about the dramatic effectiveness of psychedelics in treating depression in adults, I am cautiously optimistic that one day they'll be shown to be as effective in children as well (given the right therapeutic protocol, set, and setting).

50 5y ago

> Strangely, one of most impactful moments towards reducing my recurring suicidal thoughts involved magic mushrooms. Yes, and also, at least for me, poetry, i.e., Sexton: "Poetry led me by the hand out of madness." Rumi writes, "Choose love! Choose love! / Enter the rose garden, / let your soul make peace with the thorns."

News-Dog 5y ago

Food for Thought Psilocybin aka (Magic Mushrooms) : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybin https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybin Psilocybin Mushrooms : https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psilocybin_mushrooms https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psilocybin_mushrooms Psychoactive Substance Index : https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psychoactive_substance_index https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Psychoactive_substance_index Psychedelic Therapy aka (Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy) : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychedelic_therapy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychedelic_therapy SearX > psychedelic-assisted-therapy : <https://search.snopyta.org/search?q=psychedelic-assisted-therapy https://search.snopyta.org/search?q=psychedelic-assisted-the...> - Edit: Remember! Always Consulate your Doctor / Psychiatrist

agumonkey 5y ago

Did it also influence your social relationships ? the people you ended up being friends with (or not if you didn't have the energy or reflexes to be social, can happen too). Asking because often, people with some traits will click will similar minded people, anxious with anxious etc, which doesn't help rewiring your brain. And I assume having various kinds of people around helps finding better models, for expression, handling emotions, etc etc take care