4 ms·

> What does a Mean act that doesn't harm the other person look like? Cutting in line, is one example that comes to mind. Certainly a mean thing to do, and a di

> What does a Mean act that doesn't harm the other person look like? Cutting in line, is one example that comes to mind. Certainly a mean thing to do, and a dick move, but not really harmful in the grand scheme of things.

moate 5y ago
So the stakes are low, but it's objectively harmful. If you cut in line, it takes longer for me to get through the line than if you weren't there. Compare this to the "Nice" act of throwing out "thoughts and prayers" when someone says their house burned down. I guess a better example is screaming "fuck you" when does something you don't agree with? If "Nice" is expressing a desire to help without helping, being "Mean" is expressing a desire without hurting? I'd need to pull some research, but I'm pretty sure that the mental gains of "thoughts and prayers" is degrees lower than the mental pains of "fuck you", so I felt like they weren't proper equivalents.
asiachick 5y ago
Cutting in line is harmful in the grand scheme of things. If everyone cuts society devolves into anarchy. It's only by policing cutters and fostering a culture of it's not okay to cut that we keep society functioning. Sure, in some cultures people still cut but we still have to push back or the society just gets worse and worse.
- trelane 5y ago
  I'm also trying to figure out if they're abusing niceness or kindness when they cut the line. Perhaps both? They clearly expect people to just let them in and not resist. One time there was a huge line in passport control to come home. A couple tried to cut in front of me, bypassing about a 15 minute wait. I very nicely pointed out where the end of the line was. It was not kind to them perhaps, but it was kind to the rest of the folks that would have to wait a while longer, especially if folks kept cutting because they kept being held up by other cutters, and seeing that cutting worked. So perhaps it's abusing the tradeoff between kindness to them as people and kindness to the rest of the line.

moate 5y ago

So the stakes are low, but it's objectively harmful. If you cut in line, it takes longer for me to get through the line than if you weren't there. Compare this to the "Nice" act of throwing out "thoughts and prayers" when someone says their house burned down. I guess a better example is screaming "fuck you" when does something you don't agree with? If "Nice" is expressing a desire to help without helping, being "Mean" is expressing a desire without hurting? I'd need to pull some research, but I'm pretty sure that the mental gains of "thoughts and prayers" is degrees lower than the mental pains of "fuck you", so I felt like they weren't proper equivalents.

asiachick 5y ago

Cutting in line is harmful in the grand scheme of things. If everyone cuts society devolves into anarchy. It's only by policing cutters and fostering a culture of it's not okay to cut that we keep society functioning. Sure, in some cultures people still cut but we still have to push back or the society just gets worse and worse.

trelane 5y ago
I'm also trying to figure out if they're abusing niceness or kindness when they cut the line. Perhaps both? They clearly expect people to just let them in and not resist. One time there was a huge line in passport control to come home. A couple tried to cut in front of me, bypassing about a 15 minute wait. I very nicely pointed out where the end of the line was. It was not kind to them perhaps, but it was kind to the rest of the folks that would have to wait a while longer, especially if folks kept cutting because they kept being held up by other cutters, and seeing that cutting worked. So perhaps it's abusing the tradeoff between kindness to them as people and kindness to the rest of the line.