5 ms·

I think this was the single most damaging bit of fortune cookie wisdom I experienced in my entire time at my previous job. Blatantly toxic behavior was constan

by d23 5y ago

I think this was the single most damaging bit of fortune cookie wisdom I experienced in my entire time at my previous job. Blatantly toxic behavior was constantly brushed aside with the phrase "assume positive intent!" > There are con artists and sociopaths out there. Marth Stout claims 4% of the population falls into this category. That's the general population. What do you think the proportions are at high-growth tech companies? What about the further and higher-up you get in your career? Sociopaths are attracted to places where they can wield power and domineer over others. My general philosophy: start from a place of neutrality to mild positivity. As your interactions with a person increases, gather datapoints and weigh them based on their context and severity of the behavior. Build up a picture based on actions and evidence and then, for God's sake, remember it.

jimkleiber 5y ago
I think "assume positive intent" can often fall into the bucket of "you shouldn't feel bad because this is a good person." I just don't think emotions work that way. Even if someone has the best intentions, I may still feel hurt/angry/sad/confused/jealous/etc. For example, someone may spend a full day cooking a meal that they believe is the perfect meal for me. I may go to eat it and find out it has an ingredient in it, say peanuts, to which I'm deathly allergic. The person may have had the best intentions in cooking that meal and yet that meal may have killed me. So in this, I still try to assume good intentions, so I don't accumulate bitterness and resentment towards the individual person, however, I also want to be very open and honest about how scared I feel when I think about eating that meal. So I hear you in that "assume positive intent" may be another way for organizations to say "avoid conflict." So, even if their intentions with saying "assume positive intent" are positive, the effect of those behaviors may not be positive for everyone, and as I mentioned in another comment, I think "assume positive intent" should be followed with "and tell people how you feel."
drc500free 5y ago
> Sociopaths are attracted to places where they can wield power and domineer over others. One of the failure modes of the systems we build is when they provide leverage for bullies. Any system that wields power (which is basically all of them) needs oversight baked in from the beginning.

by d23 5y ago

jimkleiber 5y ago

I think "assume positive intent" can often fall into the bucket of "you shouldn't feel bad because this is a good person." I just don't think emotions work that way. Even if someone has the best intentions, I may still feel hurt/angry/sad/confused/jealous/etc. For example, someone may spend a full day cooking a meal that they believe is the perfect meal for me. I may go to eat it and find out it has an ingredient in it, say peanuts, to which I'm deathly allergic. The person may have had the best intentions in cooking that meal and yet that meal may have killed me. So in this, I still try to assume good intentions, so I don't accumulate bitterness and resentment towards the individual person, however, I also want to be very open and honest about how scared I feel when I think about eating that meal. So I hear you in that "assume positive intent" may be another way for organizations to say "avoid conflict." So, even if their intentions with saying "assume positive intent" are positive, the effect of those behaviors may not be positive for everyone, and as I mentioned in another comment, I think "assume positive intent" should be followed with "and tell people how you feel."

drc500free 5y ago

> Sociopaths are attracted to places where they can wield power and domineer over others. One of the failure modes of the systems we build is when they provide leverage for bullies. Any system that wields power (which is basically all of them) needs oversight baked in from the beginning.