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>is because it's almost impossible to express this feeling to someone without that person drawing the conclusion, to some degree, that you enjoy their company l
by jonahx 5y ago
>is because it's almost impossible to express this feeling to someone without that person drawing the conclusion, to some degree, that you enjoy their company less than they thought.
Not only is it not "almost impossible" -- it's easy. Especially if you have a reputation for being honest.
"Listen, I am feeling like shit right now, and won't have fun if we go out. It's got nothing to do with you. Can we reschedule?"
- librish 5y agoThe problem is that this is what people say even when it does have something to do with you.
- jonahx 5y agoI mean, in the same sense that it's "a problem" when a con man gives the same pitch as a trustworthy salesman. The solution isn't for the trustworthy to stop honestly describing their products. It's to gain a reputation for honesty. Also, you'll the know the truth from the context of your overall relationship, or, if that is thin, when they do actually reschedule.
- librish 5y agoYes but empirically the chance of someone rescheduling is low.
- mgfist 5y agoSo? It's not your responsibility for someone else's insecurity - and in fact, if you stop to assume that they think this way, you'll find that they 9/10 times do not.
- librish 5y agoI'm not sure how responsibility plays in. Being bluntly honest lowers your chance of making friends, in my experience.
- nkrisc 5y agoYou can't control what other people think about you. Better to just tell the truth instead of trying to shape their opinion of you.
- mitchdoogle 5y agoBy the author's metric, I think this statement would be "Active" if it were an honest statement, i.e. you're actually sick, but it would be "Avoidant" if it is deceptive