I think you're missing part of the author's point. Yes, as adults, we are bound to "cause some pain" as you put it in some mundane situations, such as cancelli

I think you're missing part of the author's point. Yes, as adults, we are bound to "cause some pain" as you put it in some mundane situations, such as cancelling a plan that someone else has been looking forward to. But her point is that what matters is expressing and discussing with your friends in that scenario: - Tell them you don't feel like going out after all, maybe you're drained by work and need some time to cool off - They could answer that it's fine, they don't mind going out alone - Or maybe they'll propose to just stay in at your place for a quick dinner, just to catch up for a bit and let you rest - Or they could let you know that they really need to go out with you, as they are going through a rough patch - At that point you have a better idea of what different options you both have, and you can make an informed decision either way, deciding between your needs and your friend's needs. - etc... Obviously if that friend is important to you and you've already cancelled 3 times then maybe suck it up a bit. It's all a matter of context. The point is that you should start by not avoiding that interaction with your friend for silly reasons, and relying on tech/tricks is not going to help for long.