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The author obliquely touches on this, but my sense is that people need to cut themselves a lot more slack. A large part of becoming an adult is learning to nav

The author obliquely touches on this, but my sense is that people need to cut themselves a lot more slack. A large part of becoming an adult is learning to navigate ambiguous social signals, and to make decisions without the comfort of having another adult's prior approval. My advice to 20-somethings is to be gentle with themselves. The "boot-strapping, we-can-do-hard-things motivational speaker" talk isn't so much wrong as it is ascetic. As it turns out, you can be a responsible, virtuous and respectable adult without being so damn hard on yourself. In fact, I think I became an adult the moment I recognized that the child in me needed some care, and that I alone could provide it. EDIT: on second thought, my wife provides a fair bit of that too, and I for her.

mattcwilson 5y ago
That’s a fair point. But also, it may not be the right advice for 20-somethings who are already being too gentle with themselves, which is the audience I think the author is trying to reach. Advice falls on a spectrum, and whether to follow it or not rests much on your present circumstances versus the advice giver’s. https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/03/24/should-you-reverse-any-advice-you-hear/ https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/03/24/should-you-reverse-any...
- omginternets 5y ago
  I see your point, and even agree that "coddled 20-somethings" are a real and worrying phenomenon. Where I respectfully disagree is with the idea that the ascetic, protestant-work-ethic, hard-truth-telling, pull-yourself-together rhetoric is helpful to them. Even Jordan Peterson, who is arguably the epitome of that category, explicitly recognizes that the way forward is through incremental baby-steps. To wit: he (along with essentially every clinical psychologist) recommends aiming for small victories (make your bed, get your car's oil changed, etc.) and rewarding oneself, say, with a cup of coffee on the way home. It's in this sense that I think hardlining oneself is counter-productive. Worse, I think it's even more counterproductive for coddled youth. The way to pull oneself up by one's bootstraps is gently, or at least, compassionately.

mattcwilson 5y ago

That’s a fair point. But also, it may not be the right advice for 20-somethings who are already being too gentle with themselves, which is the audience I think the author is trying to reach. Advice falls on a spectrum, and whether to follow it or not rests much on your present circumstances versus the advice giver’s. https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/03/24/should-you-reverse-any-advice-you-hear/ https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/03/24/should-you-reverse-any...

omginternets 5y ago
I see your point, and even agree that "coddled 20-somethings" are a real and worrying phenomenon. Where I respectfully disagree is with the idea that the ascetic, protestant-work-ethic, hard-truth-telling, pull-yourself-together rhetoric is helpful to them. Even Jordan Peterson, who is arguably the epitome of that category, explicitly recognizes that the way forward is through incremental baby-steps. To wit: he (along with essentially every clinical psychologist) recommends aiming for small victories (make your bed, get your car's oil changed, etc.) and rewarding oneself, say, with a cup of coffee on the way home. It's in this sense that I think hardlining oneself is counter-productive. Worse, I think it's even more counterproductive for coddled youth. The way to pull oneself up by one's bootstraps is gently, or at least, compassionately.