3 ms·

On the other hand, speaking as someone who was a teen in the 00s in the UK, I never found that sort of "might makes right" solution worked - when I was violent,

by MrJohz 5y ago

On the other hand, speaking as someone who was a teen in the 00s in the UK, I never found that sort of "might makes right" solution worked - when I was violent, I was mocked for my temper, and when I was peaceful I was mocked for my lack of temper. What ultimately helped was (a) growing a person, and recognising that the people I was choosing to hang out with were often either bullies, or enabling the bullies; and (b) relocating to a new school where I could redefine myself in a way that I was more comfortable with.

pmarreck 5y ago
School relocation can go in either direction. One of the worst things my parents (unknowingly at the time) did was move our family when I was turning 12. We had just left a parochial school where I was doing fine both academically and socially, and then... a (good) public school with people I never met. All the other dudes had already established "tacit dominance hierarchies" or whatever, and here I come in and mess the whole thing up (another thing that didn't help was the merging of 2 schools into 1 in 7th grade, apparently causing EVERY guy (ok many guys, but not me) to enter "test the other person's mettle mode"). Junior high was HELL as a result. I was a super-late bloomer (or that is what they used to call it; what actually happened in reality is that I had testosterone secretion timing issues and my parents were too frugal to take me to a doctor) and that didn't help either. I remember 1 fight in grade school, a guy shorter than me picked a fight with me, next thing I know there's a circle of people around us jeering, and me being the nonviolent type managed to snatch him into a headlock and give him a "noogie" (rubbing knuckles on the person's scalp which hurts like a bitch but does no harm) and he said "mercy" pretty quick and I helped him off the floor- I was pretty proud of that resolution... but it WAS ultimately the application of a form of (counter)force.

by MrJohz 5y ago

pmarreck 5y ago

School relocation can go in either direction. One of the worst things my parents (unknowingly at the time) did was move our family when I was turning 12. We had just left a parochial school where I was doing fine both academically and socially, and then... a (good) public school with people I never met. All the other dudes had already established "tacit dominance hierarchies" or whatever, and here I come in and mess the whole thing up (another thing that didn't help was the merging of 2 schools into 1 in 7th grade, apparently causing EVERY guy (ok many guys, but not me) to enter "test the other person's mettle mode"). Junior high was HELL as a result. I was a super-late bloomer (or that is what they used to call it; what actually happened in reality is that I had testosterone secretion timing issues and my parents were too frugal to take me to a doctor) and that didn't help either. I remember 1 fight in grade school, a guy shorter than me picked a fight with me, next thing I know there's a circle of people around us jeering, and me being the nonviolent type managed to snatch him into a headlock and give him a "noogie" (rubbing knuckles on the person's scalp which hurts like a bitch but does no harm) and he said "mercy" pretty quick and I helped him off the floor- I was pretty proud of that resolution... but it WAS ultimately the application of a form of (counter)force.