3 ms·
I pulled myself out of a family riven with poverty, addiction, bankruptcy and bad choices. My father died at 40. It was not a surprise to me when my brother, hi
by LiquidPolymer 5y ago
I pulled myself out of a family riven with poverty, addiction, bankruptcy and bad choices. My father died at 40. It was not a surprise to me when my brother, high on something that made him delusional, pulled a gun on a police officer that had pulled him over for speeding. He shot the officer multiple times. The officer survived with multiple debilitating injuries that made him unable to work again. My brother died.
The emotional devastation for my mother has been the hardest thing and my steady presence and support is something I’m proud of. My principal emotional response was extraordinary anger. I’d had multiple conversations with my brother about the dangers of his path that were ignored. I’m angry that he could be so thoughtless about our mother. I hate to say it but after my initial grief, “good riddance” was my response.
Eleven years later the grief is still raw for my mother. She is a vibrant and intelligent woman who was handed a raw deal in life. I’m trying my best to make up for that. I support her and manage her affairs. When I reflect on it my anger at my brother deepens. I don’t let it consume me. I can’t. I’m the sole surviving male in my family.
- simonebrunozzi 5y agoFrom what I read in your comment, you seem to be a deep, thoughful, strong human being, and your ability to respond so responsibly to a devastating set of issues is remarkable. I have a brother; it's really hard for me to try to imagine being in your same situation. I have serious doubts that I would be able to properly support the remaining part of my family.
- aaaronic 5y agoThere's no sense in getting madder at him each time you think about it. You might want to try to find a way to forgive him or at least let go of some of your own anger at his choices. It really can eat you from the inside. Kudos to you for looking out for your mother. I'm the sole person who can look after my own and I only hope I have the strength to support her when the time comes. It sounds like both of you could benefit from grief counseling, even this long after the fact.
- Sammi 5y agoForgiveness is not something we do for the forgiven, it is something we do for ourselves. In the end forgiveness is the ultimate revenge. Forgive for the sake of yourself and for you mother.