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"I'll never get over it." I certainly will not tell you, how you are supposed to handle loss - that is entirely up to you. But are you aware of the concept of

"I'll never get over it." I certainly will not tell you, how you are supposed to handle loss - that is entirely up to you. But are you aware of the concept of self fulfilling prophecy? Meaning if you are so sure of the future, that you will never get over it, than you are cementing this future. I only know about the now, how I grief or rejoice today. It certainly feels sometimes, that this will be forever. But nothing is. It is your right to hold onto the grief, but personally I did better with not cementing my future. I did get over the loss of my brother this way, despite having a way closer relationship to him, than other people who did not deal well with it (in my eyes), by accepting the grief and the reality of it. And then life went on. The grief is not over, maybe never will be. But it is not holding me to the past.

watwut 5y ago
> Meaning if you are so sure of the future, that you will never get over it, than you are cementing this future. I don't think this is true in terms of grief. Most will get over it, even if they don't believe it is possible. Some will never get over it, even when they thought it will be fine or actively tried to "got over it". People dont control whether they get over grief or not. Believing it will happen or not is not determining the outcome.
- hutzlibu 5y ago
  "Believing it will happen or not is not determining the outcome." Words are powerful. So sure most people will get over grief, despite them saying they never will. But in my experience, those words make it harder for them.
  - watwut 5y ago
    I don't think so. Those words express how they feel right now at that moment. They put into words hopelessness they feel at that moment. Expressing it is part of process. Forcing them to lie about their real feeling at that moment won't help them overcome anything. It will only make them and anyone who is watching not to trust you with their feelings.
    - hutzlibu 5y ago
      "Forcing them to lie about their real feeling at that moment won't help them overcome anything." First, I am not forcing anyone. Secondly, there are thoughts and there are feelings. You can feel deep sorrow, but thinking that this sorrow will last forever is a different thing. And applying the scientific method suggests, nothing lasts forever. That insight makes the sorrow nothing less intense. But it helped me, processing it, instead of letting the grief screw up my life, too. I know a bit about psychology and spiritualism. Mantras and autosuggestion. They can make your life better, or worse. So I simply share my experience of my success with it and my observation of how it worked out for others. And if anyone feels forced to do anything, simply by me sharing my experience, than I don't see anything I can do about that, except feel sorry for them.
      - watwut 5y ago
        > And applying the scientific method suggests, nothing lasts forever. That is not scientific claim. That is not understanding the human communication and context.
        hutzlibu 5y ago
        This really does not feel, like a honest exchange of ideas. You are free to use any autosuggestion, you think is helpful. I simply shared mine. Good luck with yours.
- smeej 5y ago
  This is spoken like it comes from someone who has never grieved, or even been close to someone who has. Maybe someone who has lost, but not someone who has grieved. Learning to live with grief, integrating it as part of yourself, and eventually even living a thriving life, is in NO way "getting over grief." Grief becomes part of who you are. It doesn't go away. You don't get over it. It becomes part of you, and you integrate it, and it stops being as disruptive as it was immediately after the loss, but trying to "get over it" or believing most people do is almost dangerously naive.
  - watwut 5y ago
    Sounds like you are using definition of grief much different the rest of the world. The person I responded to did not defined it as infinitely long lasting either.
smeej 5y ago
There is no such thing as "getting over grief." You even allude to this yourself: "The grief is not over, maybe never will be." There's nothing unhealthy about recognizing that. Grief isn't a thing to be "gotten over." It evolves and it changes, and you eventually will evolve and change along with it, but recognizing you won't ever get over it is an important step on the path to healing.

watwut 5y ago

> Meaning if you are so sure of the future, that you will never get over it, than you are cementing this future. I don't think this is true in terms of grief. Most will get over it, even if they don't believe it is possible. Some will never get over it, even when they thought it will be fine or actively tried to "got over it". People dont control whether they get over grief or not. Believing it will happen or not is not determining the outcome.

hutzlibu 5y ago
"Believing it will happen or not is not determining the outcome." Words are powerful. So sure most people will get over grief, despite them saying they never will. But in my experience, those words make it harder for them.
- watwut 5y ago
  I don't think so. Those words express how they feel right now at that moment. They put into words hopelessness they feel at that moment. Expressing it is part of process. Forcing them to lie about their real feeling at that moment won't help them overcome anything. It will only make them and anyone who is watching not to trust you with their feelings.
  - hutzlibu 5y ago
    "Forcing them to lie about their real feeling at that moment won't help them overcome anything." First, I am not forcing anyone. Secondly, there are thoughts and there are feelings. You can feel deep sorrow, but thinking that this sorrow will last forever is a different thing. And applying the scientific method suggests, nothing lasts forever. That insight makes the sorrow nothing less intense. But it helped me, processing it, instead of letting the grief screw up my life, too. I know a bit about psychology and spiritualism. Mantras and autosuggestion. They can make your life better, or worse. So I simply share my experience of my success with it and my observation of how it worked out for others. And if anyone feels forced to do anything, simply by me sharing my experience, than I don't see anything I can do about that, except feel sorry for them.
    - watwut 5y ago
      > And applying the scientific method suggests, nothing lasts forever. That is not scientific claim. That is not understanding the human communication and context.
      - hutzlibu 5y ago
        This really does not feel, like a honest exchange of ideas. You are free to use any autosuggestion, you think is helpful. I simply shared mine. Good luck with yours.
smeej 5y ago
This is spoken like it comes from someone who has never grieved, or even been close to someone who has. Maybe someone who has lost, but not someone who has grieved. Learning to live with grief, integrating it as part of yourself, and eventually even living a thriving life, is in NO way "getting over grief." Grief becomes part of who you are. It doesn't go away. You don't get over it. It becomes part of you, and you integrate it, and it stops being as disruptive as it was immediately after the loss, but trying to "get over it" or believing most people do is almost dangerously naive.
- watwut 5y ago
  Sounds like you are using definition of grief much different the rest of the world. The person I responded to did not defined it as infinitely long lasting either.

smeej 5y ago

There is no such thing as "getting over grief." You even allude to this yourself: "The grief is not over, maybe never will be." There's nothing unhealthy about recognizing that. Grief isn't a thing to be "gotten over." It evolves and it changes, and you eventually will evolve and change along with it, but recognizing you won't ever get over it is an important step on the path to healing.