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Who is more cool? Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with n

Who is more cool? Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? There's a minority of people who go by their own compass. The things that gratify status seekers don't do it for them. That's not to say they don't have needs. They need friends, stimulation, hobbies, achievements. But they recognize it as a personal thing. There's also people who are so far down the status chain that they don't relate to it any more, and have stopped trying.

phpnode 5y ago
> Who is more cool? > Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... > Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? The first one. It's the first one.
- sneak 5y ago
  My face when I realized that a combover, power tie, fake tan, and trophy wife is really all it takes to sell a median person on it (oh, and millions of dollars).
  - avereveard 5y ago
    Millions of dollars optional, they can be borrowed dollars, access to which seem easier if you are connected and signalling good status
  - mattgreenrocks 5y ago
    Next question: why are you seeking being seen this way from a random person?
    - sneak 5y ago
      I'm not, but then again I don't wish to be the president of the United States. It just strikes me as silly that the traditional status game is so easily gamed (demonstrably effectively).
      - leaflets2 5y ago
        I'm surprised too (or was in the past). Nice looking clothes and saying that one's work is going great, wow. I didn't try this but I know others who do
Invictus0 5y ago
These groups are not mutually exclusive. Is the wealthy person an asshole? Is the upbeat person poor? How poor? How much of an asshole? It's a silly example.
insickness 5y ago
> Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? Just because a person isn't outwardly status-seeking doesn't mean they don't display anything about themselves. They may seem like they don't care what anyone thinks about them, but if everyone thought they were a pedophile, they would hate it, regardless of the legal ramifications. It's human nature to care about what others think about us. We all 'display' in some sense or another, whether it's how we dress, what we accomplish or how we want others to perceive us. Humans are extremely social creatures.
- philipov 5y ago
  I was just thinking the same thing. Acting as if you don't need to make status displays is itself a status display: it is a show of confidence.
Aunche 5y ago
On the other hand, if you don't signal your intelligence and connections, how is anyone supposed to know they can depend on your intelligence and connections? There's definitely a balance.
- leaflets2 5y ago
  Instead, they can even come to think about you as incompetent and delusional, if you're, say, creating a startup, building tech, seemingly making no progress.
pgorczak 5y ago
The parent comment hints at another interpretation of status, which is also used in improv. The status you “play” in your interaction with others, which can be different from your social status (https://www.respect4acting.com/status1.html https://www.respect4acting.com/status1.html) This kind of status is much more dynamic and it’s also something you can choose to give or take, balance or clutch (although the latter might end up having the opposite effect). It’s more uplifting to me to think of a “status game” this way. It’s a bit of a competition but we’re also the judges. Status doesn’t just manifest, it has to be granted by someone who is also playing the game.
torginus 5y ago
The second one, but this is a false dichotomy. If you are smart, educated, wealthy, or have a prestigious job you have claim to high status, no matter how humble or boastful you are about it. If you don't, you are faking it until (and if) you make it. True status doesn't rely on how much you flaunt it. This is the problem with the dreaded humblebrag - it's usually when people try to combine the two - complain about their expensive vacations, how much their dream job sucks etc. - they try to appear down to earth while at the same time rubbing in others' faces how much better they are.
JamesBarney 5y ago
Seeking status is a low status activity. A high status activity it to seem like you don't care about what other people think about you. People I know who actually go by their own compass are seen as weird and don't have much status. People I know who have cultivated a person of someone who goes by their own compass do tend to have a lot of status.
- pavas 5y ago
  I view the reliance upon the idea of status as a low-status activity. Low status or high status only emanate when you're playing the status game, but it's not a game that you necessarily need to play. And if you're not playing the game, low-status or high-status doesn't matter; they're just different colors. Nothing wrong with playing the game either.
  - mattgreenrocks 5y ago
    The worst part about status is mostly how seriously people take it. If you’re on either extreme, then, yeah, your life is different. But the nature of status is that it is statistically impossible for everyone to be high status. Thus, it is a zero sum game, and one which is usually rigged against you, and full of people who aren’t smart enough to realize this + are willing to give up more than you are. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. A small amount of self care and knowledge of oneself and how the world works is all you need to pass as mid-status.
    - erikerikson 5y ago
      And, it turns out, this is more conducive to increasing your status. Beyond the signalling games, it's reality that confers status. Consider... Would you rather look rich or be rich? Would you rather look like you can do mostly whatever you want or actually do mostly whatever you want?
      - mattgreenrocks 5y ago
        Exactly. And once you internalize this mindset, you see that status is a game that is hard to win in absolute terms, but is easier to manipulate than it would seem. More importantly, you’re content enough to not fall into the hole of lifelong grasping at more status. And then you’re free to be yourself. Able to play the game well enough when necessary, but no longer bound by feelings of needing to 24/7.
rufus_foreman 5y ago
I just can't stand upbeat and friendly. So, my answer would be false dichotomy.
maest 5y ago
> Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... > Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? It's the one who can run the faster mile, if you ask the people at my running club.

phpnode 5y ago

> Who is more cool? > Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... > Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? The first one. It's the first one.

sneak 5y ago
My face when I realized that a combover, power tie, fake tan, and trophy wife is really all it takes to sell a median person on it (oh, and millions of dollars).
- avereveard 5y ago
  Millions of dollars optional, they can be borrowed dollars, access to which seem easier if you are connected and signalling good status
- mattgreenrocks 5y ago
  Next question: why are you seeking being seen this way from a random person?
  - sneak 5y ago
    I'm not, but then again I don't wish to be the president of the United States. It just strikes me as silly that the traditional status game is so easily gamed (demonstrably effectively).
    - leaflets2 5y ago
      I'm surprised too (or was in the past). Nice looking clothes and saying that one's work is going great, wow. I didn't try this but I know others who do

Invictus0 5y ago

These groups are not mutually exclusive. Is the wealthy person an asshole? Is the upbeat person poor? How poor? How much of an asshole? It's a silly example.

insickness 5y ago

> Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? Just because a person isn't outwardly status-seeking doesn't mean they don't display anything about themselves. They may seem like they don't care what anyone thinks about them, but if everyone thought they were a pedophile, they would hate it, regardless of the legal ramifications. It's human nature to care about what others think about us. We all 'display' in some sense or another, whether it's how we dress, what we accomplish or how we want others to perceive us. Humans are extremely social creatures.

philipov 5y ago
I was just thinking the same thing. Acting as if you don't need to make status displays is itself a status display: it is a show of confidence.

Aunche 5y ago

On the other hand, if you don't signal your intelligence and connections, how is anyone supposed to know they can depend on your intelligence and connections? There's definitely a balance.

leaflets2 5y ago
Instead, they can even come to think about you as incompetent and delusional, if you're, say, creating a startup, building tech, seemingly making no progress.

pgorczak 5y ago

The parent comment hints at another interpretation of status, which is also used in improv. The status you “play” in your interaction with others, which can be different from your social status (https://www.respect4acting.com/status1.html https://www.respect4acting.com/status1.html) This kind of status is much more dynamic and it’s also something you can choose to give or take, balance or clutch (although the latter might end up having the opposite effect). It’s more uplifting to me to think of a “status game” this way. It’s a bit of a competition but we’re also the judges. Status doesn’t just manifest, it has to be granted by someone who is also playing the game.

torginus 5y ago

The second one, but this is a false dichotomy. If you are smart, educated, wealthy, or have a prestigious job you have claim to high status, no matter how humble or boastful you are about it. If you don't, you are faking it until (and if) you make it. True status doesn't rely on how much you flaunt it. This is the problem with the dreaded humblebrag - it's usually when people try to combine the two - complain about their expensive vacations, how much their dream job sucks etc. - they try to appear down to earth while at the same time rubbing in others' faces how much better they are.

JamesBarney 5y ago

Seeking status is a low status activity. A high status activity it to seem like you don't care about what other people think about you. People I know who actually go by their own compass are seen as weird and don't have much status. People I know who have cultivated a person of someone who goes by their own compass do tend to have a lot of status.

pavas 5y ago
I view the reliance upon the idea of status as a low-status activity. Low status or high status only emanate when you're playing the status game, but it's not a game that you necessarily need to play. And if you're not playing the game, low-status or high-status doesn't matter; they're just different colors. Nothing wrong with playing the game either.
- mattgreenrocks 5y ago
  The worst part about status is mostly how seriously people take it. If you’re on either extreme, then, yeah, your life is different. But the nature of status is that it is statistically impossible for everyone to be high status. Thus, it is a zero sum game, and one which is usually rigged against you, and full of people who aren’t smart enough to realize this + are willing to give up more than you are. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. A small amount of self care and knowledge of oneself and how the world works is all you need to pass as mid-status.
  - erikerikson 5y ago
    And, it turns out, this is more conducive to increasing your status. Beyond the signalling games, it's reality that confers status. Consider... Would you rather look rich or be rich? Would you rather look like you can do mostly whatever you want or actually do mostly whatever you want?
    - mattgreenrocks 5y ago
      Exactly. And once you internalize this mindset, you see that status is a game that is hard to win in absolute terms, but is easier to manipulate than it would seem. More importantly, you’re content enough to not fall into the hole of lifelong grasping at more status. And then you’re free to be yourself. Able to play the game well enough when necessary, but no longer bound by feelings of needing to 24/7.

rufus_foreman 5y ago

I just can't stand upbeat and friendly. So, my answer would be false dichotomy.

maest 5y ago

> Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... > Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? It's the one who can run the faster mile, if you ask the people at my running club.