7 ms·

This is one of my favorite styles of writing. I have absolutely no clue what this person is talking about and have no interest in cars, yet I read every single

This is one of my favorite styles of writing. I have absolutely no clue what this person is talking about and have no interest in cars, yet I read every single word. I love when people have such a deep knowledge of something that they can write an essay as unique and thoughtful as this. It reminds me of Kitchen Confidential, Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman!, or any rant about British politics by David Mitchell.

throwaway0a5e 5y ago
Depth of knowledge is impossible to assess for anyone that doesn't have similar depth in the same subject matter. The author could be bullshitting (he's not) but how would anyone who's not driven vehicles that are decades beyond their design life know?
- gkoberger 5y ago
  In this context (a fun blog post), I disagree. I find it to be incredibly clear when someone is playing in a world they truly understand and love. Not to say one can't be hoodwinked from time to time, naturally, but for me it's not the "facts" that ring true. It's the joy and humor and love that is hard to fake.
  - Wowfunhappy 5y ago
    A really good author could probably make this up. Some types of writing require that ability. Imagine you're writing about a fantasy world where everyone drives giant Bloops instead of cars. You might have a few chapters written from the perspective of a master Bloop mechanic. She's been fixing Bloops for as long as she can remember; she considers it her life's calling and she loves every moment of her work. The author needs to communicate that to the reader in a believable way. But if you're not writing speculative fiction, what would be the point? It's probably harder than writing about something you know!
    - abstrakraft 5y ago
      This sounds like most of the aside conversations between author and reader in Douglas Adams' writing.
    - pwg 5y ago
      > A really good author could probably make this up True, but what /really/ makes the humor in this article, when one has the domain knowledge to understand the technical details, is that every single technical humor bit is true and accurate, and brings back similar memories of similar ballets with similar vehicles from years ago.
      - Wowfunhappy 5y ago
        Absolutely,, but in order to discern that, the reader needs to have some technical knowledge themselves. Ergo, I think what throwaway0a5e said above has a lot of merit, even if I wouldn't have stated it in in such absolutest terms: > Depth of knowledge is impossible to assess for anyone that doesn't have similar depth in the same subject matter.
- munchler 5y ago
  Being able to bullshit entertainingly at this level of detail is an even greater talent. See Douglas Adams, for example.
- Johnny555 5y ago
  how would anyone who's not driven vehicles that are decades beyond their design life know I think you just need to have driven a car from that era to understand this post and believe it -- the car doesn't neccessarily need to be that old. I had a '77 Civic in 1982 and it had many of these same "features" as his Porsche - any key (or screwdriver) could open the door or turn the ignition, it had a manual choke lever installed because the automatic choke didn't work, there was an art to pumping the gas pedal before starting in cold weather (there was a fine line between being able to start and flooding it), there was no clutch interlock (or it was broken) to prevent starting the car in gear, and a bunch of other quirks similar to his. And it was only 5 years old. edit: And the oil use! I'd forgotten about that until reading his post, I used to carry a few jugs of oil in the trunk since the car was using almost a quart per fillup, and many gas stations kept a display case of oil out by the pumps so you could easily buy a quart if you needed it. My current 7 year old car doesn't use any noticeable amount of oil between ~8000 mile oil changes.
  - wingspar 5y ago
    No clutch interlock can be useful. Had a friend growing up who’s dad would use the starter and first gear to move his Datsun out of traffic when it stopped running.
    - hyperdimension 5y ago
      He might have been the first to convert a Datsun to electric!
  - pwg 5y ago
    > I think you just need to have driven a car from that era to understand this post and believe it Yes, indeed. My first car when I turned 16 was a well beaten 1971 Cadillac that had it's share of rust and the like. The author's description of the gas pedal ballet for starting his 914 reminded me of a similar situation with that old Cadillac. For a cold start, all was normal, pump once to set choke and start. But, for a warm start, one had to hold the pedal down /just the right amount off idle/ or else it would not start up for most attempts. And of course for a semi-warm start there was a decision process of "is it cold enough to need the choke, or warm enough to only need the "slightly off idle" setting". One got a "feel" for just what to do after a bit of time with it and it became no-big-deal, but for anyone new, the whole ballet would have been a very frustrating experience. When it finally was retired and I upgraded to a car with a fuel injected engine, and no need to touch the gas pedal for any start, hot, cold or warm, a whole era of "being in tune with the car" disappeared.
- a4isms 5y ago
  I don't disagree with you, but I'm not sure I worry about it. The article is presented as a letter to a car thief, a preposterous proposition right up front. It is not presented as a repair guide or an "evaluate whether a 914 is worth buying" guide, so it's really only of interest for entertainment and nostalgia purposes. There's literally zero chance I'll ever be in a conversation with someone and say aloud "Oh, Porsche owners call this Neverland," and have to worry about someone interrupting me with, "BS, I belong to a Porsche club and have never heard this nickname."
- travisjungroth 5y ago
  > but how would anyone who's not driven vehicles that are decades beyond their design life know? By trusting someone who has. Either trust a specific person or believe there is someone in the crowd who would say something.
Semaphor 5y ago
> I have absolutely no clue what this person is talking about and have no interest in cars, yet I read every single word. I was about to write more or less the same thing. I can barely drive and never owned a car, but this article was beautiful.
skeeter2020 5y ago
If you love this style and want something intentionally ridiculous check out the various writings at https://www.mcsweeneys.net/ https://www.mcsweeneys.net/
- cpfohl 5y ago
  This also reminded me of this delightful piece of writing: https://forums.anandtech.com/threads/why-the-police-dont-patrol-brice-street-anymore.1294969/ https://forums.anandtech.com/threads/why-the-police-dont-pat... I can't find the original, but the copy there is exactly what I remembered.
  - hallway_monitor 5y ago
    That was some of the best storytelling I have ever read. Wow.
    - cpfohl 5y ago
      Reading this out loud is incredibly difficult. Discovered it in my Sophomore year of College, and it took my two roommates and I about 45 minutes to read through the whole thing out loud because we were laughing so hard.
  - chernevik 5y ago
    "'It's just a bunny', they all say" -- Tim the Wizard
  - emilsedgh 5y ago
    Haven't had such a laugh for a while. Thanks!
rootsudo 5y ago
It's quite fun, but anyone can pick it up in a few days if you join a few great Car forums that remain, or, ick, facebook groups and reddit groups. The discord groups are more of casual conversation and making fun of each other/new people who are trying to DIY. The BMW car forum is good, bimmerforums.com. Pelicanpart forum is good. BMW/Porsche GrassrootMotorsports is good. General racing, falls back to bmw/porsche/corvette/mazda Miata.net is fantastic. Corvette forums are great, but I can't recall them now. Subaru Forum is fantastic, humour though is needed. NASIOC.com priuschat is great, though it goes quite different from above forums. Tesla forums are good, but I can't recall any off the top of my hand. And then landcruiser ones, wrangler/jeep ones, etc. The more less hobby a car is, the decrease in quality in forum posts, not that a corolla is a bad car per se, or even a camry/accord. It's just, different folks for different hobbies. Spend a week on there, and you'll learn the lingo (it's universal throughout cars, especially per car generation/period, 70's/80's/90's,etc) Then you also have other motorsports too, motorcycles and even planes, which share the same sentiment. Pilot chat/bicker is very similar. ;)
- robohoe 5y ago
  Rennlist is huge in Porsche world.
- technothrasher 5y ago
  This is all true, but one needs to be aware that these forums are also chock full of "forum folklore". You'll get all kinds of advice and lecturing which is driven by what has been posted before rather than what matches reality. Mixing DOT-5 brake fluid with DOT-3/4 is always a fun one. Folklore is that it will poison children and kill puppies. Reality is that they are, by law, compatible and mixing won't do anything more than create a fluid with unknown boiling points, but this is true of mixing any two brake fluids (and it is true DOT-5 is not compatible with ABS brake systems, but that's a separate point). Pretty much anything to do with turbos is another fun one, as many folks have no idea how turbos work but have lots of opinions on tuning them. Anyway, the point is that the comradery is great on these forums, they're a lot of fun, and you can find good info, but don't take any info on them as gospel.
theluketaylor 5y ago
On the flip side, I know a ton about cars and actually own a german sports car of roughly this vintage and this rings incredibly true (and also hilarious). My car can't be locked due to fear of it never opening again, starting the engine requires a delicate balance of the right amount of throttle and prayers the battery has enough charge, and selecting first is a preposterous mixture of a delicate ballet and sledgehammering it home. The fact this essay works for someone with limited domain knowledge and someone with lots is a testament to the quality of writing.
- rcrestomods 5y ago
  Easily my favorite essay of the year. Unique, informative and casual in the way sitting around a table listening to an engaging guest tell tales and the visualization works immediately. Count me among the fans of this piece and author.
- KennyBlanken 5y ago
  On the actual flip side, there are plenty of people who properly maintain vintage sports cars instead of just talking about how much they know about them. I get that door handles and lock cylinders are often made of easily-broken pot metal, but most owner communities have figured out solutions, or just live a little and recognize that a locksmith can easily get you into almost any vintage car if necessary. The starting problems mean your engine is poorly tuned/maintained, battery issues are bad wiring or undiagnosed parasitic drain (or just buy a battery maintainer, dude), and thinking "my first gear syncro is worn or my shift linkage isn't properly adjusted, I should mash the shit out of it" are purely owner error / strongly counter-indicate "I know a ton about cars."
  - fhood 5y ago
    Hahaha, even on old muscle cars with good parts availability, and only 4 moving parts in the first place, something is virtually always broken. Keeping a german car of this era functioning is a sisyphean task.
    - 5y ago
oh_sigh 5y ago
No one mentioned yet I think, but it makes sense he has this deep passion about a car. From his bio: > Norman Garrett was the Concept Engineer for the original Miata back in his days at Mazda’s Southern California Design Studio

throwaway0a5e 5y ago

Depth of knowledge is impossible to assess for anyone that doesn't have similar depth in the same subject matter. The author could be bullshitting (he's not) but how would anyone who's not driven vehicles that are decades beyond their design life know?

gkoberger 5y ago
In this context (a fun blog post), I disagree. I find it to be incredibly clear when someone is playing in a world they truly understand and love. Not to say one can't be hoodwinked from time to time, naturally, but for me it's not the "facts" that ring true. It's the joy and humor and love that is hard to fake.
- Wowfunhappy 5y ago
  A really good author could probably make this up. Some types of writing require that ability. Imagine you're writing about a fantasy world where everyone drives giant Bloops instead of cars. You might have a few chapters written from the perspective of a master Bloop mechanic. She's been fixing Bloops for as long as she can remember; she considers it her life's calling and she loves every moment of her work. The author needs to communicate that to the reader in a believable way. But if you're not writing speculative fiction, what would be the point? It's probably harder than writing about something you know!
  - abstrakraft 5y ago
    This sounds like most of the aside conversations between author and reader in Douglas Adams' writing.
  - pwg 5y ago
    > A really good author could probably make this up True, but what /really/ makes the humor in this article, when one has the domain knowledge to understand the technical details, is that every single technical humor bit is true and accurate, and brings back similar memories of similar ballets with similar vehicles from years ago.
    - Wowfunhappy 5y ago
      Absolutely,, but in order to discern that, the reader needs to have some technical knowledge themselves. Ergo, I think what throwaway0a5e said above has a lot of merit, even if I wouldn't have stated it in in such absolutest terms: > Depth of knowledge is impossible to assess for anyone that doesn't have similar depth in the same subject matter.
munchler 5y ago
Being able to bullshit entertainingly at this level of detail is an even greater talent. See Douglas Adams, for example.
Johnny555 5y ago
how would anyone who's not driven vehicles that are decades beyond their design life know I think you just need to have driven a car from that era to understand this post and believe it -- the car doesn't neccessarily need to be that old. I had a '77 Civic in 1982 and it had many of these same "features" as his Porsche - any key (or screwdriver) could open the door or turn the ignition, it had a manual choke lever installed because the automatic choke didn't work, there was an art to pumping the gas pedal before starting in cold weather (there was a fine line between being able to start and flooding it), there was no clutch interlock (or it was broken) to prevent starting the car in gear, and a bunch of other quirks similar to his. And it was only 5 years old. edit: And the oil use! I'd forgotten about that until reading his post, I used to carry a few jugs of oil in the trunk since the car was using almost a quart per fillup, and many gas stations kept a display case of oil out by the pumps so you could easily buy a quart if you needed it. My current 7 year old car doesn't use any noticeable amount of oil between ~8000 mile oil changes.
- wingspar 5y ago
  No clutch interlock can be useful. Had a friend growing up who’s dad would use the starter and first gear to move his Datsun out of traffic when it stopped running.
  - hyperdimension 5y ago
    He might have been the first to convert a Datsun to electric!
- pwg 5y ago
  > I think you just need to have driven a car from that era to understand this post and believe it Yes, indeed. My first car when I turned 16 was a well beaten 1971 Cadillac that had it's share of rust and the like. The author's description of the gas pedal ballet for starting his 914 reminded me of a similar situation with that old Cadillac. For a cold start, all was normal, pump once to set choke and start. But, for a warm start, one had to hold the pedal down /just the right amount off idle/ or else it would not start up for most attempts. And of course for a semi-warm start there was a decision process of "is it cold enough to need the choke, or warm enough to only need the "slightly off idle" setting". One got a "feel" for just what to do after a bit of time with it and it became no-big-deal, but for anyone new, the whole ballet would have been a very frustrating experience. When it finally was retired and I upgraded to a car with a fuel injected engine, and no need to touch the gas pedal for any start, hot, cold or warm, a whole era of "being in tune with the car" disappeared.
a4isms 5y ago
I don't disagree with you, but I'm not sure I worry about it. The article is presented as a letter to a car thief, a preposterous proposition right up front. It is not presented as a repair guide or an "evaluate whether a 914 is worth buying" guide, so it's really only of interest for entertainment and nostalgia purposes. There's literally zero chance I'll ever be in a conversation with someone and say aloud "Oh, Porsche owners call this Neverland," and have to worry about someone interrupting me with, "BS, I belong to a Porsche club and have never heard this nickname."
travisjungroth 5y ago
> but how would anyone who's not driven vehicles that are decades beyond their design life know? By trusting someone who has. Either trust a specific person or believe there is someone in the crowd who would say something.

Semaphor 5y ago

> I have absolutely no clue what this person is talking about and have no interest in cars, yet I read every single word. I was about to write more or less the same thing. I can barely drive and never owned a car, but this article was beautiful.

skeeter2020 5y ago

If you love this style and want something intentionally ridiculous check out the various writings at https://www.mcsweeneys.net/ https://www.mcsweeneys.net/

cpfohl 5y ago
This also reminded me of this delightful piece of writing: https://forums.anandtech.com/threads/why-the-police-dont-patrol-brice-street-anymore.1294969/ https://forums.anandtech.com/threads/why-the-police-dont-pat... I can't find the original, but the copy there is exactly what I remembered.
- hallway_monitor 5y ago
  That was some of the best storytelling I have ever read. Wow.
  - cpfohl 5y ago
    Reading this out loud is incredibly difficult. Discovered it in my Sophomore year of College, and it took my two roommates and I about 45 minutes to read through the whole thing out loud because we were laughing so hard.
- chernevik 5y ago
  "'It's just a bunny', they all say" -- Tim the Wizard
- emilsedgh 5y ago
  Haven't had such a laugh for a while. Thanks!

rootsudo 5y ago

It's quite fun, but anyone can pick it up in a few days if you join a few great Car forums that remain, or, ick, facebook groups and reddit groups. The discord groups are more of casual conversation and making fun of each other/new people who are trying to DIY. The BMW car forum is good, bimmerforums.com. Pelicanpart forum is good. BMW/Porsche GrassrootMotorsports is good. General racing, falls back to bmw/porsche/corvette/mazda Miata.net is fantastic. Corvette forums are great, but I can't recall them now. Subaru Forum is fantastic, humour though is needed. NASIOC.com priuschat is great, though it goes quite different from above forums. Tesla forums are good, but I can't recall any off the top of my hand. And then landcruiser ones, wrangler/jeep ones, etc. The more less hobby a car is, the decrease in quality in forum posts, not that a corolla is a bad car per se, or even a camry/accord. It's just, different folks for different hobbies. Spend a week on there, and you'll learn the lingo (it's universal throughout cars, especially per car generation/period, 70's/80's/90's,etc) Then you also have other motorsports too, motorcycles and even planes, which share the same sentiment. Pilot chat/bicker is very similar. ;)

robohoe 5y ago
Rennlist is huge in Porsche world.
technothrasher 5y ago
This is all true, but one needs to be aware that these forums are also chock full of "forum folklore". You'll get all kinds of advice and lecturing which is driven by what has been posted before rather than what matches reality. Mixing DOT-5 brake fluid with DOT-3/4 is always a fun one. Folklore is that it will poison children and kill puppies. Reality is that they are, by law, compatible and mixing won't do anything more than create a fluid with unknown boiling points, but this is true of mixing any two brake fluids (and it is true DOT-5 is not compatible with ABS brake systems, but that's a separate point). Pretty much anything to do with turbos is another fun one, as many folks have no idea how turbos work but have lots of opinions on tuning them. Anyway, the point is that the comradery is great on these forums, they're a lot of fun, and you can find good info, but don't take any info on them as gospel.

theluketaylor 5y ago

On the flip side, I know a ton about cars and actually own a german sports car of roughly this vintage and this rings incredibly true (and also hilarious). My car can't be locked due to fear of it never opening again, starting the engine requires a delicate balance of the right amount of throttle and prayers the battery has enough charge, and selecting first is a preposterous mixture of a delicate ballet and sledgehammering it home. The fact this essay works for someone with limited domain knowledge and someone with lots is a testament to the quality of writing.

rcrestomods 5y ago
Easily my favorite essay of the year. Unique, informative and casual in the way sitting around a table listening to an engaging guest tell tales and the visualization works immediately. Count me among the fans of this piece and author.
KennyBlanken 5y ago
On the actual flip side, there are plenty of people who properly maintain vintage sports cars instead of just talking about how much they know about them. I get that door handles and lock cylinders are often made of easily-broken pot metal, but most owner communities have figured out solutions, or just live a little and recognize that a locksmith can easily get you into almost any vintage car if necessary. The starting problems mean your engine is poorly tuned/maintained, battery issues are bad wiring or undiagnosed parasitic drain (or just buy a battery maintainer, dude), and thinking "my first gear syncro is worn or my shift linkage isn't properly adjusted, I should mash the shit out of it" are purely owner error / strongly counter-indicate "I know a ton about cars."
- fhood 5y ago
  Hahaha, even on old muscle cars with good parts availability, and only 4 moving parts in the first place, something is virtually always broken. Keeping a german car of this era functioning is a sisyphean task.
  - 5y ago

oh_sigh 5y ago

No one mentioned yet I think, but it makes sense he has this deep passion about a car. From his bio: > Norman Garrett was the Concept Engineer for the original Miata back in his days at Mazda’s Southern California Design Studio