If I were a black hat, I think that the best gift I could hope for would be a 3rd-party program, likely developed on the cheap, whose entire purpose for existin

If I were a black hat, I think that the best gift I could hope for would be a 3rd-party program, likely developed on the cheap, whose entire purpose for existing is to sit in kernel space and promiscuously open Every. Single. File. in order to process its contents. (Granted, I'm a complete layperson in computer security, so there's likely something I'm missing.)