Speaking from personal experience: I felt very socially awkward in late primary school and high school. I was really afraid of being a stereotypical "nerd", wh

Speaking from personal experience: I felt very socially awkward in late primary school and high school. I was really afraid of being a stereotypical "nerd", which I clearly was (glasses, braces, good at class). I went to an all boys private school, and whilst I recognise the privelege of going there, I never fit in and felt like a loser. For a long time I kept trying to not appear like a nerd, but I failed and was often paralysed in social situations by the thought of not knowing the right thing to say. Needless to say, I had pretty poor self-esteem. Eventually I got to a point where I gave up. I can't remember when exactly, maybe when I was 15/16, but I accepted the fact that I was a nerd loser and that I wouldn't have any friends or girlfriends and would probably live with my parents until they died. At the time I felt like I resigned myself to a life of unhappiness, but I was so sick of trying to not be a loser, since it didn't seem to be working. But then the next day, going to school, I started chatting with someone who I wasn't quite friends with, and it felt easier. I later realised that by rejecting the idea of living up to other standards, I was free to be who I want and do what I want. I enjoyed maths and computers and games, and the only reason I felt bad for enjoying those things were because of other people's expectations on how I should be, or at least, my perception of other people's expectations. I still didn't like myself, but as I spent more time being my true self and not living up to others' standards, my self-esteem started to grow. I didn't fit in, but I no longer cared. I found myself wanting to interact more with other people. I still had a lot of social anxiety, which was compounded by experiences of being socially awkward in many previous situations. But now, fostered by a level of self-respect I didn't have before, and a rejection of expectations of how to behave, I learned to trust my instincts and ignore those feelings of anxiety to ultimately connect with people. Fast forward to today: I'm 32 and am currently changing careers from software development to mental health outreach. I still have some social anxiety, but it is far more manageable than in my high-school days. Sometimes it's worse than others, but it's nowhere near the cage it seemed to be when I was in my early teens. Not that it's the ultimate marker for my success, but I now have plenty of beautiful friends and a steady girlfriend. I realise that this may not resonate with certain people, perhaps people who are neurodivergent and to whom "trust your instincts" isn't particularly helpful. But this was my experience and I am grateful for it.