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Not only was I awkward and shy -- but I was an extravert! I wanted to be around other people and got bored easily when I was by myself. But I didn't necessari
by jawns 5y ago
Not only was I awkward and shy -- but I was an extravert! I wanted to be around other people and got bored easily when I was by myself. But I didn't necessarily have the social skills to pull it off. So I was pretty miserable.
What changed?
I've thought a lot about this, and to be honest, while I would love to say that it was an intense, fulfilling journey of self-improvement ... I think what made the biggest difference was that the people around me changed.
In high school, my peers were brutal and immature. There were bullies. There were people who would be a jerk to you for no reason other than for giggles. And there was a lot of pressure to conform or at least not stick out too much.
Then college came around and I got involved in activities like the student newspaper, a co-ed a cappella group, and several other things. And the people were welcoming and actually wanted me to be a part of their group.
Then, after college, I entered the working world, and while there were always a couple of difficult personalities, the vast majority of the people I worked with were professional, welcoming, appreciated my contributions, and wanted me to succeed.
Yes, I can still be awkward at times. Through practice, I've gotten better at small talk, but I'll still trip over my own words from time to time. But the people with whom I've been fortunate to develop personal or professional relationships tend to have the maturity to accept that part of me.
- Kaze404 5y agoI second this. There's value in knowing how to behave in situations you deem as hostile, but nothing is more valuable than surrounding yourself with respectful, thoughtful and welcoming people. Doing that helped me to change hostile situations for the better, not only for myself but for other people who also struggle with them.
- booboofixer 5y ago> Then college came around I read a lot of such posts by people before i went to university, and boy was i surprised to find the reality can sometimes be very different. If there's any younger folks reading this, YMMV. > Then, after college, I entered the working world This is where it actually gets better, or at least it did for me.
- jawns 5y agoI agree with you. One of the reasons why I think this happened for me in college was because I found some very accepting groups of people with whom I could unite around a common goal, in an almost pre-professional environment. But there were a bunch of people on my floor freshman year who got sucked up into an entirely different social environment. They either pledged fraternities or sororities, or formed their own social groups that closely mimicked the ones they were used to in high school, which came with all of the expected drama. So, advice for any younger folks: Just about every college has a student activity fair, where you can get to know all the clubs and groups and activities that are part of campus life. Try to find the ones that aren't 100% social, but maybe 25% social and 75% achieving some goal, whether it be putting on a musical or raising livestock or volunteering at a nursing home.
- atq2119 5y ago> Try to find the ones that aren't 100% social, but maybe 25% social and 75% achieving some goal, whether it be putting on a musical or raising livestock or volunteering at a nursing home. Or, you know, studying. Which is ostensibly the thing why you're there in the first place... (Obviously university is also a great time to explore and experiment, and you should do that. But especially if you're in the hard sciences, surrounding yourself with people who actually want to learn will do wonders.)
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]