5 ms·

Is this the norm? I don't see why they wouldn't at least announce it an email. It's a bit of a weird topic for a work email, but it's certainly better than doin

by vlunkr 5y ago

Is this the norm? I don't see why they wouldn't at least announce it an email. It's a bit of a weird topic for a work email, but it's certainly better than doing absolutely nothing.

NAHWheatCracker 5y ago
Not acknowledging a death is wild, but a lot of organizations normalize only discussing positive project-related accomplishments. When the day-to-day doesn't address the simple human aspects of work, it becomes even harder to address the difficult aspects.
- catlifeonmars 5y ago
  This is an interesting take. I strongly suspect you’re right about this, but would like to find more data to support it.
bqmjjx0kac 5y ago
Apathy is the path of least resistance.
- TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
  Maybe if you are apathetic by nature?
VariableStar 5y ago
I do not know if it is the norm but I have also worked at an organization where one employee committed suicide. Leadership said nothing and everything was toned down. Some people spoke up and complained though. My interpretation is that the response was a combination of culture (although suicide is not "taboo" here it is not a preferred topic) and not wanting to bring undue attention to the organization.
- refurb 5y ago
  What do you mean “said nothing” as in they stopped showing up and management pretended nothing happened? Or the person died and they didn’t say it was a suicide. Because if it’s the 2nd, that seems pretty normal. My right to know doesnt trump the family’s right to privacy.
  - VariableStar 5y ago
    Colleagues knew it was suicide and wanted to talk about it. Leadership did not want to discuss the issue. Normal, as you write.
    - refurb 5y ago
      But coworkers could discuss among themselves? This just seems bizarre to me to expect a special “all hands” session or something to discuss this. Provide counseling services? Sure. Put a “how Jimmy died” meeting on everyone’s calendar? That’s odd.
  - newaccount74 5y ago
    I'd like to think that if you spend 8 hours a day with someone everyday, and suddenly they are gone, it would be a decent thing to tell you what happened to them.
  - pc86 5y ago
    Framing discussions around cause of death as privacy is a double standard. If you say someone died in a car crash, nobody gasps and tells you to respect the deceased's or their family's privacy. It's so extreme that is anyone even brings up privacy with regard to a death or cause of death everyone assumes they committed suicide, or did something criminal that ended in their death, or something else negative. Cause of death is posted in the newspapers and otherwise discussed in public all the time, there is no right to privacy around that piece of information.
    - refurb 5y ago
      No offense, but when a coworker dies it’s not about you. When a coworker died at work we usually understood the family was the one that needed support, not us. And if the family asked for privacy, then they got it. And if any of us needed support, we helped each other. We didn’t need HR to pencil in a meeting. And no, when someone dies their cause of death is not automatically public and most people (including employers) respect that.
kn0where 5y ago
Yeah, I’ve worked at a couple places where someone died, and it was definitely acknowledged by management and I feel like it would be incredibly weird not to. At one place, a guy who had left the company a few months prior died in a car crash. The guy had a wife and newborn baby. The CEO shared the news and the company made a contribution to a GoFundMe for the wife and baby. I think the company offered grief counseling. At another, larger company, someone died shortly after I joined, so I never knew them. We were all notified, once again I think a grief counselor came, and the guy’s desk was left as a memorial until we moved offices a few months later.
- TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
  Reactions from management and everyone else is typically different for suicides than for car crashes and other causes. In my experience, suicides are hushed and not discussed while car crashes and heart attacks are. It’s a terrible double-standard.
  - freedomben 5y ago
    Same. I don't think it's with mal intent, I think it's the result of a (misguided) attempt to give the passed privacy or spare them the embarrassment/humiliation/stigma that some people (mainly those who have never struggled with depression/suicide) think is attached to it. A good friend of mine committed suicide several years ago, and it was like pulling teeth trying to get somebody to just tell me WTF was going on. The most I could get was "Douglas passed away." Nobody even wanted to say it was a suicide! We really need to start talking more openly about these things. If your coworker dies in a car crash nobody feels like they can't talk about the car crash or even acknowledge the cause of death. Yet with suicide, nobody wants to say it. The result is even more pain mixed with frustration.
    - TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
      I've had the same experience - when someone passed, no one would tell me the cause of death. I surmised the cause because of that, but never got external confirmation. It was just so ... strange.
9530jh9054ven 5y ago
Depends on the company. I know for a fact that if I died tomorrow, only two people would actually notice at all and neither of them are coworkers. It doesn't seem particularly helpful to send out a notifications to people other then those that would be affected by having to take on my workload. And what good would come from them being told I was dead vs just left?
- rvp-x 5y ago
  Not noticing doesn't mean the world doesn't care. There are a lot of reasons people vanish and it's harder to notice the absence of something than its existence, and people usually vanish for positive reasons, so I think nothing of it. I cried after discovering some people I hadn't known personally but were adjacent to me have died. I didn't notice their absence but I can empathize with the suffering they felt before their death, or the feelings of their family coming to grip with their absence. While I have a strong emotional reaction to it, I don't think it's a bad thing, it is a part of life and a reminder for me to savor life.

by vlunkr 5y ago

Is this the norm? I don't see why they wouldn't at least announce it an email. It's a bit of a weird topic for a work email, but it's certainly better than doing absolutely nothing.

NAHWheatCracker 5y ago

Not acknowledging a death is wild, but a lot of organizations normalize only discussing positive project-related accomplishments. When the day-to-day doesn't address the simple human aspects of work, it becomes even harder to address the difficult aspects.

catlifeonmars 5y ago
This is an interesting take. I strongly suspect you’re right about this, but would like to find more data to support it.

bqmjjx0kac 5y ago

Apathy is the path of least resistance.

TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
Maybe if you are apathetic by nature?

VariableStar 5y ago

I do not know if it is the norm but I have also worked at an organization where one employee committed suicide. Leadership said nothing and everything was toned down. Some people spoke up and complained though. My interpretation is that the response was a combination of culture (although suicide is not "taboo" here it is not a preferred topic) and not wanting to bring undue attention to the organization.

refurb 5y ago
What do you mean “said nothing” as in they stopped showing up and management pretended nothing happened? Or the person died and they didn’t say it was a suicide. Because if it’s the 2nd, that seems pretty normal. My right to know doesnt trump the family’s right to privacy.
- VariableStar 5y ago
  Colleagues knew it was suicide and wanted to talk about it. Leadership did not want to discuss the issue. Normal, as you write.
  - refurb 5y ago
    But coworkers could discuss among themselves? This just seems bizarre to me to expect a special “all hands” session or something to discuss this. Provide counseling services? Sure. Put a “how Jimmy died” meeting on everyone’s calendar? That’s odd.
- newaccount74 5y ago
  I'd like to think that if you spend 8 hours a day with someone everyday, and suddenly they are gone, it would be a decent thing to tell you what happened to them.
- pc86 5y ago
  Framing discussions around cause of death as privacy is a double standard. If you say someone died in a car crash, nobody gasps and tells you to respect the deceased's or their family's privacy. It's so extreme that is anyone even brings up privacy with regard to a death or cause of death everyone assumes they committed suicide, or did something criminal that ended in their death, or something else negative. Cause of death is posted in the newspapers and otherwise discussed in public all the time, there is no right to privacy around that piece of information.
  - refurb 5y ago
    No offense, but when a coworker dies it’s not about you. When a coworker died at work we usually understood the family was the one that needed support, not us. And if the family asked for privacy, then they got it. And if any of us needed support, we helped each other. We didn’t need HR to pencil in a meeting. And no, when someone dies their cause of death is not automatically public and most people (including employers) respect that.

kn0where 5y ago

Yeah, I’ve worked at a couple places where someone died, and it was definitely acknowledged by management and I feel like it would be incredibly weird not to. At one place, a guy who had left the company a few months prior died in a car crash. The guy had a wife and newborn baby. The CEO shared the news and the company made a contribution to a GoFundMe for the wife and baby. I think the company offered grief counseling. At another, larger company, someone died shortly after I joined, so I never knew them. We were all notified, once again I think a grief counselor came, and the guy’s desk was left as a memorial until we moved offices a few months later.

TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
Reactions from management and everyone else is typically different for suicides than for car crashes and other causes. In my experience, suicides are hushed and not discussed while car crashes and heart attacks are. It’s a terrible double-standard.
- freedomben 5y ago
  Same. I don't think it's with mal intent, I think it's the result of a (misguided) attempt to give the passed privacy or spare them the embarrassment/humiliation/stigma that some people (mainly those who have never struggled with depression/suicide) think is attached to it. A good friend of mine committed suicide several years ago, and it was like pulling teeth trying to get somebody to just tell me WTF was going on. The most I could get was "Douglas passed away." Nobody even wanted to say it was a suicide! We really need to start talking more openly about these things. If your coworker dies in a car crash nobody feels like they can't talk about the car crash or even acknowledge the cause of death. Yet with suicide, nobody wants to say it. The result is even more pain mixed with frustration.
  - TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
    I've had the same experience - when someone passed, no one would tell me the cause of death. I surmised the cause because of that, but never got external confirmation. It was just so ... strange.

9530jh9054ven 5y ago

Depends on the company. I know for a fact that if I died tomorrow, only two people would actually notice at all and neither of them are coworkers. It doesn't seem particularly helpful to send out a notifications to people other then those that would be affected by having to take on my workload. And what good would come from them being told I was dead vs just left?

rvp-x 5y ago
Not noticing doesn't mean the world doesn't care. There are a lot of reasons people vanish and it's harder to notice the absence of something than its existence, and people usually vanish for positive reasons, so I think nothing of it. I cried after discovering some people I hadn't known personally but were adjacent to me have died. I didn't notice their absence but I can empathize with the suffering they felt before their death, or the feelings of their family coming to grip with their absence. While I have a strong emotional reaction to it, I don't think it's a bad thing, it is a part of life and a reminder for me to savor life.