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Always having meals with the same people, being consistently worried you’ll be responsible to drop what you’re doing on short notice to drive someone. I’m glad

Always having meals with the same people, being consistently worried you’ll be responsible to drop what you’re doing on short notice to drive someone. I’m glad I did not marry or have kids.

rags2riches 5y ago
For some, it's the worst thing imaginable to have to put something other than themselves first. For others, finding something more important than themselves is what gives their life meaning.
spicyusername 5y ago
Having a spouse and a family is super sweet. Constant emotional support and social fulfillment. An endless stream of small sweet positive moments. The ever-growing feeling of satisfaction that comes with watching your children grow, mature, and succeed. The pride that comes with improving and being a good parent or a good spouse. Having someone who is there for you and has your back 100%. I'm not saying being single, childless, nomadic, or any other kind of lifestyle isn't also sweet too, or that marriage and parenthood is for everyone, but don't let a few negative comments from one person's anecdote be your definition of parenthood or marriage. When done well, they are two of the most fulfilling and rewarding endeavors you can embark on. You also can definitely have meals with other people as you like lol.
tasty_freeze 5y ago
Although I don't relate to your comment at all (I'm married for 26 years, have two kids) I don't know why someone downvoted you, so I upvoted. Different people have different priorities, and it is great when people realize marriage or kids are not right for them and ignore the social pressure. There are too many people who get married or have kids who aren't suited and it is bad for everyone involved.
scottLobster 5y ago
If I've learned one thing about myself being married with a kid on the way, it's that I lack a lot of intrinsic motivation to do anything productive. Left alone I'll video-game and drink my way into an early grave. I need something to be responsible for to keep my self-destructive instincts in line. I only started working out consistently because a couple of years into marriage my wife made an ultimatum that she didn't want to have kids with someone who doesn't exercise. And as pissed off as I was in the moment I couldn't really argue with that. Being a dad (which was something I wanted) demands a certain level of health/energy to do well, never mind longevity, and I was rationalizing not working out on a weekly basis ("I'm too tired, won't be able to watch my form." "I'm still kinda sore from last time." "My foot hurts a little, better not push it", and other sorry excuses). To be fair I'd never worked out consistently in my life. I needed that kick in the ass to form the habit from scratch as an adult. Likewise I've steered myself away from many self-destructive impulses in the last few months simply because my soon-to-be daughter deserves something better than a tired, beaten-down bastion of mediocrity for a father. It's even helping my career, as I have to set an example for her and being a tuned-out clock puncher isn't what I want for her. Call it a pathetic lack of self esteem, or a natural lack of inhibition, but I've always been wired this way as long as I can remember. I need the responsibility, and even if I resent it in the moment I know by taking it on I'll end up in a better place, and the people I'm responsible for usually do better as well. Just offering an alternate perspective. Different people are wired differently.
ramblerman 5y ago
So happy that you needed that snarky comment to reinforce the idea for yourself.

Always having meals with the same people, being consistently worried you’ll be responsible to drop what you’re doing on short notice to drive someone. I’m glad I did not marry or have kids.

rags2riches 5y ago

For some, it's the worst thing imaginable to have to put something other than themselves first. For others, finding something more important than themselves is what gives their life meaning.

spicyusername 5y ago

Having a spouse and a family is super sweet. Constant emotional support and social fulfillment. An endless stream of small sweet positive moments. The ever-growing feeling of satisfaction that comes with watching your children grow, mature, and succeed. The pride that comes with improving and being a good parent or a good spouse. Having someone who is there for you and has your back 100%. I'm not saying being single, childless, nomadic, or any other kind of lifestyle isn't also sweet too, or that marriage and parenthood is for everyone, but don't let a few negative comments from one person's anecdote be your definition of parenthood or marriage. When done well, they are two of the most fulfilling and rewarding endeavors you can embark on. You also can definitely have meals with other people as you like lol.

tasty_freeze 5y ago

Although I don't relate to your comment at all (I'm married for 26 years, have two kids) I don't know why someone downvoted you, so I upvoted. Different people have different priorities, and it is great when people realize marriage or kids are not right for them and ignore the social pressure. There are too many people who get married or have kids who aren't suited and it is bad for everyone involved.

scottLobster 5y ago

If I've learned one thing about myself being married with a kid on the way, it's that I lack a lot of intrinsic motivation to do anything productive. Left alone I'll video-game and drink my way into an early grave. I need something to be responsible for to keep my self-destructive instincts in line. I only started working out consistently because a couple of years into marriage my wife made an ultimatum that she didn't want to have kids with someone who doesn't exercise. And as pissed off as I was in the moment I couldn't really argue with that. Being a dad (which was something I wanted) demands a certain level of health/energy to do well, never mind longevity, and I was rationalizing not working out on a weekly basis ("I'm too tired, won't be able to watch my form." "I'm still kinda sore from last time." "My foot hurts a little, better not push it", and other sorry excuses). To be fair I'd never worked out consistently in my life. I needed that kick in the ass to form the habit from scratch as an adult. Likewise I've steered myself away from many self-destructive impulses in the last few months simply because my soon-to-be daughter deserves something better than a tired, beaten-down bastion of mediocrity for a father. It's even helping my career, as I have to set an example for her and being a tuned-out clock puncher isn't what I want for her. Call it a pathetic lack of self esteem, or a natural lack of inhibition, but I've always been wired this way as long as I can remember. I need the responsibility, and even if I resent it in the moment I know by taking it on I'll end up in a better place, and the people I'm responsible for usually do better as well. Just offering an alternate perspective. Different people are wired differently.

ramblerman 5y ago

So happy that you needed that snarky comment to reinforce the idea for yourself.