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Hmm. How much experience do you have with alcoholics? To me this sounds very naive. I have seen various forms of well meaning enablement that follow this exact

by atchoo 5y ago

Hmm. How much experience do you have with alcoholics? To me this sounds very naive. I have seen various forms of well meaning enablement that follow this exact pattern. The drinker still buys drink for themselves on top of their "ration" while maintaining a facade of moderation for the one buying them drink. If someone is meeting them a couple of times a week, then they plan bigger binges around those visits. I have had the pleasure of clearing out the private stashes behind the washing machine or garages full of hidden empties despite the claims of a gullible enabler about the progress being made. 1l of 5% is barely going to wet the whistle of a dependent drinker making me less inclined to believe this is a unicorn case of magical moderation. If there is one thing that happens very early in problem drinking, it's all the fucking lies about drinking.

dazc 5y ago
Well, I did point out that he isn't a full-blown alcoholic which is a big difference to the kind of issue you're alluding to. I did have the dis-pleasure of living with a proper alcoholic many years ago and she was exactly the type of person to have hidden stashes around the house. Alas, she was also the kind of drinker who needed to hit rock-bottom before she would even accept she had a problem and nothing I could do would be of any help to her. She was a 'functioning alcoholic' able to hold down a job, be presentable and sociable. Also clever and devious enough to hide her problems from others to the extent that I left the relationship being perceived by others as the bad guy. So yes, your points accepted but for the naivety on my part.
- steve_adams_86 5y ago
  Something people don’t expect from alcoholics is that they become extremely effective at masking their issues. If they’re intelligent, they might even trick a lot of people around them into thinking they have a chronic illness or something - no one suspects a thing. In the way they speak and behave to hide their problem they show a sort of cunningness you don’t often see. That’s not to say alcoholics are bad people. The need to drink is just an insane motivator for some. It makes it extremely hard to help them because it becomes nearly impossible to trust them, and that alone can be a massive strain on a relationship. But I have no trouble believing a relationship would end with you looking “bad”; this sort of thing is part of hiding their problem and protecting their habit. You getting thrown under the bus is a strategy to draw attention away from evidence that her being an alcoholic was destructive to your relationship. This is obvious to some people but has been a real revelation to me as I’ve gotten older and seen alcoholism around me more. It’s extremely insidious and difficult to navigate.

by atchoo 5y ago

dazc 5y ago

Well, I did point out that he isn't a full-blown alcoholic which is a big difference to the kind of issue you're alluding to. I did have the dis-pleasure of living with a proper alcoholic many years ago and she was exactly the type of person to have hidden stashes around the house. Alas, she was also the kind of drinker who needed to hit rock-bottom before she would even accept she had a problem and nothing I could do would be of any help to her. She was a 'functioning alcoholic' able to hold down a job, be presentable and sociable. Also clever and devious enough to hide her problems from others to the extent that I left the relationship being perceived by others as the bad guy. So yes, your points accepted but for the naivety on my part.

steve_adams_86 5y ago
Something people don’t expect from alcoholics is that they become extremely effective at masking their issues. If they’re intelligent, they might even trick a lot of people around them into thinking they have a chronic illness or something - no one suspects a thing. In the way they speak and behave to hide their problem they show a sort of cunningness you don’t often see. That’s not to say alcoholics are bad people. The need to drink is just an insane motivator for some. It makes it extremely hard to help them because it becomes nearly impossible to trust them, and that alone can be a massive strain on a relationship. But I have no trouble believing a relationship would end with you looking “bad”; this sort of thing is part of hiding their problem and protecting their habit. You getting thrown under the bus is a strategy to draw attention away from evidence that her being an alcoholic was destructive to your relationship. This is obvious to some people but has been a real revelation to me as I’ve gotten older and seen alcoholism around me more. It’s extremely insidious and difficult to navigate.