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Have you ever avoided situations due to social anxiety? Ever had trouble keeping a conversation going? How many times have you been explicitly called attractive

Have you ever avoided situations due to social anxiety? Ever had trouble keeping a conversation going? How many times have you been explicitly called attractive/unattractive by someone you felt attracted to? Was your childhood good (caring parents, enough food, no bullying)? Genuine questions.

mettamage 5y ago
1. Yep, all the time 2. Yep, all the time 3. Attractive/unattractive: unattractive from every girl I liked throughout high school, except at the end. After that many times when I approached people. When I got a bit better at expressing myself I got to hear a couple of times I was attractive. 4. Childhood was pretty messed up. I don't want to get into it. Let's say that my parents cared and I had enough food. Let's also say that I've learned too much about drugs, sexual abuse, violence and death before I was 10. Fortunately, I saw it happening around me not to me (except for bullying by some kids at my "ghetto school", but I can't blame those kids, they had it much rougher than me as they did experience some of those things directly to them). Because of this I have a unique insight into the lowest parts of Dutch society. I fought as a kid but wasn't any good at it, it was barely enough for self-defense and for kids to know I wasn't the easiest target. When I got to middle school / high school I was transferred to one of the poshest schools ever (still a public school though, the barrier to entry was having a high score to be let in as it was pre-university only, most schools offer all pre-whatever levels). I was dumbfounded by how little violence there was. In retrospect, many kids there were upperclass, I had no clue until I hit my late twenties and met upperclass people and noticed "they feel as my high school". The biggest skill I've learned with approaching people is to not be phased by rejections. I've had amazing peaks in social suaveness from time to time but in most cases it was below mediocre. I'd like to argue that I came a long way. But going through all this rejection and having a nice life now in the romantic / social deparment is totally worth it. It's worth all the rejection. Hell, it's even worth the uncertainty of understanding if it will ever work out. It took 3 years before I saw any results (16 to 19). I had no choice, it was either going through hell or die alone. I decided that going through hell was less painful. In retrospect, I didn't go through hell, there was some heavy turbulence but I made it seem a lot scarier than it was. And I've noticed that other people make this seem a lot scarier than it is (just read the comment section of this thread).

mettamage 5y ago

1. Yep, all the time 2. Yep, all the time 3. Attractive/unattractive: unattractive from every girl I liked throughout high school, except at the end. After that many times when I approached people. When I got a bit better at expressing myself I got to hear a couple of times I was attractive. 4. Childhood was pretty messed up. I don't want to get into it. Let's say that my parents cared and I had enough food. Let's also say that I've learned too much about drugs, sexual abuse, violence and death before I was 10. Fortunately, I saw it happening around me not to me (except for bullying by some kids at my "ghetto school", but I can't blame those kids, they had it much rougher than me as they did experience some of those things directly to them). Because of this I have a unique insight into the lowest parts of Dutch society. I fought as a kid but wasn't any good at it, it was barely enough for self-defense and for kids to know I wasn't the easiest target. When I got to middle school / high school I was transferred to one of the poshest schools ever (still a public school though, the barrier to entry was having a high score to be let in as it was pre-university only, most schools offer all pre-whatever levels). I was dumbfounded by how little violence there was. In retrospect, many kids there were upperclass, I had no clue until I hit my late twenties and met upperclass people and noticed "they feel as my high school". The biggest skill I've learned with approaching people is to not be phased by rejections. I've had amazing peaks in social suaveness from time to time but in most cases it was below mediocre. I'd like to argue that I came a long way. But going through all this rejection and having a nice life now in the romantic / social deparment is totally worth it. It's worth all the rejection. Hell, it's even worth the uncertainty of understanding if it will ever work out. It took 3 years before I saw any results (16 to 19). I had no choice, it was either going through hell or die alone. I decided that going through hell was less painful. In retrospect, I didn't go through hell, there was some heavy turbulence but I made it seem a lot scarier than it was. And I've noticed that other people make this seem a lot scarier than it is (just read the comment section of this thread).