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> It'd be interesting to see how this would work out today. I've approached 1000s of people about ten years ago. Back in 2012, it wasn't an issue. The worst re

> It'd be interesting to see how this would work out today. I've approached 1000s of people about ten years ago. Back in 2012, it wasn't an issue. The worst rejections I've faced were: * a woman shouting very loudly to go the f- away. I immediately backed away put my hands up and replied "ok". Her loud voice grew softer as our distance grew. This was at a train station. * I was pushed down from a stairs. I should've been hurt badly but apparently I was running so fast that my legs were keeping up with the stairs and falling from it, transforming the whole ordeal from falling to running. Interestingly enough it wasn't the woman I approached, but the boyfriend. He arrived 5 min. after I talked to her girlfriend (I had no clue) and he immediately grabbed me and threw me off the stairs. Once down the stairs (unharmed), I asked him how I was supposed to know since I saw the woman sitting alone. He told me that that wasn't his problem that he was on the bathroom for 5 min. leaving his GF alone. I told him that next time he saw a situation like that he could've just tried talking first. He replied indifferent to it. I wished him a good night. This was in a club. * I got headbutted by a guy, simply because I wanted to make a conversation with him. He told me (sarcastically) if I liked it. I told him that I didn't and that this was the end of our conversation. I walked away, he didn't pursue (as I predicted). This was at a festival. * I got scammed out of 5 euro's because I was making conversation with 2 Russians (10 years ago). This was on the street. Yea, that's it. After this I get an immediate drop to stuff like "I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend", "I'm sorry I don't feel like talking at the moment", or similar friendly sounding rejections. So what's the upside? * I met one woman. 2 minutes in the conversation, the topic became about ballroom dancing, taught her some ballroom on the spot. I got a rush of adrenaline and butterflies and so did she (she looked and acted different after dancing). We cuddled and kissed a lot that day. I was a teenager back then, so this was kind of the dream, lol. The conversation started off in a mall. * A guy came couchsurfing in my place, that night I went out with him and I was crowdsurfing thanks to him. He told me to get on his hands, I didn't get it but did it anyway and he threw me in the air. I was scared but couldn't do anything. It was awesome. * I walk in a club, see a woman, ask her a question, we chat for a minute. We start making out (I have no clue how that happened, it must've been her, I don't really dare to make moves like that) and next thing you know she invites me to go to London. The club was in Amsterdam, and the next day I took a bus to London to continue our fun dynamic. * Making an amazing friend. In this case, I was getting invited to their high school to study there for a day and be on their graduation throwing beer all over each other while standing on the back of a truck (a tradition there, lol). I think I'd have at least 20 stories like this. Some of these stories involve long relationships, one of them still ongoing. So for me it was definitely worth it. Interestingly, as you can read, the most aggressive rejections were all male. Women don't get physical that quickly, not in my experience anyway. Some men get physical really quickly. This also means that from my experience, it's more dangerous to try and make friends with a man than it is to try and date a woman. At least, as far as random places go (like clubs, malls, etc.).

throwamon 5y ago
Have you ever avoided situations due to social anxiety? Ever had trouble keeping a conversation going? How many times have you been explicitly called attractive/unattractive by someone you felt attracted to? Was your childhood good (caring parents, enough food, no bullying)? Genuine questions.
- mettamage 5y ago
  1. Yep, all the time 2. Yep, all the time 3. Attractive/unattractive: unattractive from every girl I liked throughout high school, except at the end. After that many times when I approached people. When I got a bit better at expressing myself I got to hear a couple of times I was attractive. 4. Childhood was pretty messed up. I don't want to get into it. Let's say that my parents cared and I had enough food. Let's also say that I've learned too much about drugs, sexual abuse, violence and death before I was 10. Fortunately, I saw it happening around me not to me (except for bullying by some kids at my "ghetto school", but I can't blame those kids, they had it much rougher than me as they did experience some of those things directly to them). Because of this I have a unique insight into the lowest parts of Dutch society. I fought as a kid but wasn't any good at it, it was barely enough for self-defense and for kids to know I wasn't the easiest target. When I got to middle school / high school I was transferred to one of the poshest schools ever (still a public school though, the barrier to entry was having a high score to be let in as it was pre-university only, most schools offer all pre-whatever levels). I was dumbfounded by how little violence there was. In retrospect, many kids there were upperclass, I had no clue until I hit my late twenties and met upperclass people and noticed "they feel as my high school". The biggest skill I've learned with approaching people is to not be phased by rejections. I've had amazing peaks in social suaveness from time to time but in most cases it was below mediocre. I'd like to argue that I came a long way. But going through all this rejection and having a nice life now in the romantic / social deparment is totally worth it. It's worth all the rejection. Hell, it's even worth the uncertainty of understanding if it will ever work out. It took 3 years before I saw any results (16 to 19). I had no choice, it was either going through hell or die alone. I decided that going through hell was less painful. In retrospect, I didn't go through hell, there was some heavy turbulence but I made it seem a lot scarier than it was. And I've noticed that other people make this seem a lot scarier than it is (just read the comment section of this thread).

throwamon 5y ago

Have you ever avoided situations due to social anxiety? Ever had trouble keeping a conversation going? How many times have you been explicitly called attractive/unattractive by someone you felt attracted to? Was your childhood good (caring parents, enough food, no bullying)? Genuine questions.

mettamage 5y ago
1. Yep, all the time 2. Yep, all the time 3. Attractive/unattractive: unattractive from every girl I liked throughout high school, except at the end. After that many times when I approached people. When I got a bit better at expressing myself I got to hear a couple of times I was attractive. 4. Childhood was pretty messed up. I don't want to get into it. Let's say that my parents cared and I had enough food. Let's also say that I've learned too much about drugs, sexual abuse, violence and death before I was 10. Fortunately, I saw it happening around me not to me (except for bullying by some kids at my "ghetto school", but I can't blame those kids, they had it much rougher than me as they did experience some of those things directly to them). Because of this I have a unique insight into the lowest parts of Dutch society. I fought as a kid but wasn't any good at it, it was barely enough for self-defense and for kids to know I wasn't the easiest target. When I got to middle school / high school I was transferred to one of the poshest schools ever (still a public school though, the barrier to entry was having a high score to be let in as it was pre-university only, most schools offer all pre-whatever levels). I was dumbfounded by how little violence there was. In retrospect, many kids there were upperclass, I had no clue until I hit my late twenties and met upperclass people and noticed "they feel as my high school". The biggest skill I've learned with approaching people is to not be phased by rejections. I've had amazing peaks in social suaveness from time to time but in most cases it was below mediocre. I'd like to argue that I came a long way. But going through all this rejection and having a nice life now in the romantic / social deparment is totally worth it. It's worth all the rejection. Hell, it's even worth the uncertainty of understanding if it will ever work out. It took 3 years before I saw any results (16 to 19). I had no choice, it was either going through hell or die alone. I decided that going through hell was less painful. In retrospect, I didn't go through hell, there was some heavy turbulence but I made it seem a lot scarier than it was. And I've noticed that other people make this seem a lot scarier than it is (just read the comment section of this thread).