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Slightly OT: It seems to me that a large part of our social fabric is based on chance encounters. Talking to strangers in passing, as you go about your day to d

by klabb3 5y ago

Slightly OT: It seems to me that a large part of our social fabric is based on chance encounters. Talking to strangers in passing, as you go about your day to day business. With increasing digitalization, especially in the first world, we're quickly losing these opportunities. There is often no longer any need to talk to anyone when buying groceries, running errands, asking for directions, etc. All of these are potential entry points to friendship/acquaintances/romantic partners/knowledge sharing. There are a few new opportunities, such as message boards, meet ups, social media, etc but it's become very clear to me they are mostly inferior substitutes, lacking in both quantity and quality. Online dating took off, which is overall a good sign imo, despite its problems. However, other chance encounters mostly disappeared. This could in part explain the modern paradox of being increasingly connected but more isolated, especially in terms of diversity (people of different ages, socioeconomic groups, interests, thought patterns, political leanings etc).

armchairhacker 5y ago
honestly i think it’s a shame that online ways to meet people are inferior than chance encounters. Chance encounters rely on luck, with online you get filters and algorithms to pair you with similar people. Unfortunately the filters filter out good people, the algorithms are shoddy and gamed, and you genuinely don’t know if who you meet online is some weirdo who could turn out to harass or stalk you (of course there are weird people in person too, but it’s a lot harder to look and act “normal” in real life than it is on Reddit).
- its_bbq 5y ago
  You're acting like chance encounters are like uniformly random samples or something. If you're doing the same thing at the same place at the same time you probably have something in common. If that thing is a hobby you enjoy, you now both have a hobby in common.
- klabb3 5y ago
  > Chance encounters rely on luck, with online you get filters and algorithms to pair you with similar people. Agreed, but this change in topology isn't obviously beneficial or desirable. Superficial interest based similarities are not necessarily a good predictor of meaningfulness, and likely a negative predictor for understanding and acceptance of people who are different from us.
openknot 5y ago
This is an interesting perspective, though I would argue that the internet has created superior substitutes. It's hard for me to see random encounters as entry points to friendship, acquaintances, or romantic partners, though I speak with a bias from living in a city. When buying groceries and running errands, I'm typically focused on getting in and out quickly; I'm not as receptive to talking with others. If someone is asking for directions, I'm willing to help out via Maps, but I'm also aware that the person might be trying to steal my phone. Despite this, regular chance encounters are alive and well. You can go to the gym, hang out at a pub, or stay at a coffee shop. People are typically more receptive to speak in these contexts, all of which can't be replicated in a digital space due to the reliance on physical equipment (e.g. weights, exercise machines, drinks, and coffee machines). Martial arts in particular can really expose you to people of different ages, socioeconomic groups, and interests. Outside of these, I believe that conferences and seminars are a good way to meet others, which the internet helps with. I can see technology making these in-person activities less intuitive (it's so easy to just spend time on social media), but if there's a will to see others, technology can help rather than harm.
mettamage 5y ago
I've sometimes tried to meet people on Hacker News. But I do think it's harder, because you can't actually be with them at the same place. The conversations I've had were always nice, but apparently in order for friendship to become a thing, something more needs to happen. If anyone lives in Amsterdam and wants to meet a fellow HN'er, have a cup of coffee/tea, feel free to email me.
- CaptainZapp 5y ago
  Create a post under "Ask HN" or "Tell HN". A few years ago I was in thread where it turned out that a couple of the commenters lived in Zurich. We thought a meet up would be a nice idea and created such a post. Maybe a dozen people met up in a public place for beers and chats. The effort was totally minimal and you'll find that enough participants live in Amsterdam and enjoy hooking up for such a gathering. The only challenge, I think, is to find a public venue, which offers enough space for such an impromptu meetup. In the Zurich case we met at http://www.ziegelohlac.ch/ http://www.ziegelohlac.ch/ (sorry, page in German) which offers enough seating and when the weather is nice, seating is essentially unlimited. How do you identify the group? Well, we just scribbled it on an A4 page. But that wouldn't even have been necessary. You know them when you see them. Good luck.

by klabb3 5y ago

armchairhacker 5y ago

honestly i think it’s a shame that online ways to meet people are inferior than chance encounters. Chance encounters rely on luck, with online you get filters and algorithms to pair you with similar people. Unfortunately the filters filter out good people, the algorithms are shoddy and gamed, and you genuinely don’t know if who you meet online is some weirdo who could turn out to harass or stalk you (of course there are weird people in person too, but it’s a lot harder to look and act “normal” in real life than it is on Reddit).

its_bbq 5y ago
You're acting like chance encounters are like uniformly random samples or something. If you're doing the same thing at the same place at the same time you probably have something in common. If that thing is a hobby you enjoy, you now both have a hobby in common.
klabb3 5y ago
> Chance encounters rely on luck, with online you get filters and algorithms to pair you with similar people. Agreed, but this change in topology isn't obviously beneficial or desirable. Superficial interest based similarities are not necessarily a good predictor of meaningfulness, and likely a negative predictor for understanding and acceptance of people who are different from us.

openknot 5y ago

This is an interesting perspective, though I would argue that the internet has created superior substitutes. It's hard for me to see random encounters as entry points to friendship, acquaintances, or romantic partners, though I speak with a bias from living in a city. When buying groceries and running errands, I'm typically focused on getting in and out quickly; I'm not as receptive to talking with others. If someone is asking for directions, I'm willing to help out via Maps, but I'm also aware that the person might be trying to steal my phone. Despite this, regular chance encounters are alive and well. You can go to the gym, hang out at a pub, or stay at a coffee shop. People are typically more receptive to speak in these contexts, all of which can't be replicated in a digital space due to the reliance on physical equipment (e.g. weights, exercise machines, drinks, and coffee machines). Martial arts in particular can really expose you to people of different ages, socioeconomic groups, and interests. Outside of these, I believe that conferences and seminars are a good way to meet others, which the internet helps with. I can see technology making these in-person activities less intuitive (it's so easy to just spend time on social media), but if there's a will to see others, technology can help rather than harm.

mettamage 5y ago

I've sometimes tried to meet people on Hacker News. But I do think it's harder, because you can't actually be with them at the same place. The conversations I've had were always nice, but apparently in order for friendship to become a thing, something more needs to happen. If anyone lives in Amsterdam and wants to meet a fellow HN'er, have a cup of coffee/tea, feel free to email me.

CaptainZapp 5y ago
Create a post under "Ask HN" or "Tell HN". A few years ago I was in thread where it turned out that a couple of the commenters lived in Zurich. We thought a meet up would be a nice idea and created such a post. Maybe a dozen people met up in a public place for beers and chats. The effort was totally minimal and you'll find that enough participants live in Amsterdam and enjoy hooking up for such a gathering. The only challenge, I think, is to find a public venue, which offers enough space for such an impromptu meetup. In the Zurich case we met at http://www.ziegelohlac.ch/ http://www.ziegelohlac.ch/ (sorry, page in German) which offers enough seating and when the weather is nice, seating is essentially unlimited. How do you identify the group? Well, we just scribbled it on an A4 page. But that wouldn't even have been necessary. You know them when you see them. Good luck.