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I used to be one of the people that were ascribed the "talented" label. It opened a lot of doors, and I've had a career that initially was deemed as more succes

by leksak 5y ago

I used to be one of the people that were ascribed the "talented" label. It opened a lot of doors, and I've had a career that initially was deemed as more successful than that of my peers. However, after burning out twice I've never recovered the ability of doing _anything cognitive_ other than physical exercise for extended durations of time. I no longer get called talented, and things are a lot more challenging --- and I'm more afraid to go after tough tasks --- but I still manage to get things done. It's just that I need a lengthy break after 2-3 hours of being cognitive. Your comment semi-accurately reflects how I lived my life _before_ burning out. I sussed out when I tried to do a more 8-5 kind of thing. But I struggled to fit a lot of things other than "work".

sneak 5y ago
It also could be age, not just the fact that you burned out twice. I definitely have less cognitive stamina than I did ten years ago. Who knows if that is age, pandemic-isolation-related, or what.
csydas 5y ago
I get that. For me this works because I gave myself permission to do what I think US culture (where I grew up) forbids us to do; set clear boundaries. Not acting rude or harsh to people, but instead just being honest and protective of our time, both work and personal. I do have a reputation of being "difficult to work with" from some people, but almost universally those who have that perception are the ones making heavy demands on my time because they themselves cannot influence the resolution. Sales managers, customer success managers, they spam meetings and unplanned calls and emails with no more content than "this has to be resolved yesterday" and other cliches. I have no qualms just outright ignoring them or calling them out for violating procedure/policy. The same types that just want to keep a channel of updates open and to help buy time? Much better relationships as they understand the process more and respect people's time. Basically there is a stress aspect, and it's not for everyone. For me, having those firm boundaries and being honest with myself that this is my time and it's my choice, I don't need to feel guilty for protecting it, it helped a lot
- kelseyfrog 5y ago
  > I gave myself permission to ... set clear boundaries. My biggest career regret is that I fell into the trap of not setting boundaries for fifteen years. What is clear to many people now was not to me then. Even now, I'm learning the basics like that there are different types of boundaries and in business which ones are most important to set and what happens if they aren't set. Time-boundaries, for example, are commonly discussed, but equally important are socio-emotional boundaries. Have you ever stopped to realize that you talk to a lot of people daily, but lack emotional support or the deeper connections that come from being emotionally vulnerable? I have. It's easy to surround oneself with work friendships that only ever touch on surface-level topics. Having a clear emotional boundary helps create space for emotionally meaningful connections outside of work. That's a lesson I wish I didn't have to learn the hard way.
- kradeelav 5y ago
  +1 to setting time and emotional boundaries. Lasted through way too many different design teams that all inevitably burnt out because the folks there (all very kind, compassionate, talented people) weren't willing to make that a hill they were willing to die on. Earlier last week, used the metaphor of putting on your oxygen mask "first" in case of an airplane catastrophe, before putting on anyone else's mask, even your child's - think that's quite apt here.
DiggyJohnson 5y ago
Right there with you, nobody has ever put it in words in front of me before.

by leksak 5y ago

sneak 5y ago

It also could be age, not just the fact that you burned out twice. I definitely have less cognitive stamina than I did ten years ago. Who knows if that is age, pandemic-isolation-related, or what.

csydas 5y ago

I get that. For me this works because I gave myself permission to do what I think US culture (where I grew up) forbids us to do; set clear boundaries. Not acting rude or harsh to people, but instead just being honest and protective of our time, both work and personal. I do have a reputation of being "difficult to work with" from some people, but almost universally those who have that perception are the ones making heavy demands on my time because they themselves cannot influence the resolution. Sales managers, customer success managers, they spam meetings and unplanned calls and emails with no more content than "this has to be resolved yesterday" and other cliches. I have no qualms just outright ignoring them or calling them out for violating procedure/policy. The same types that just want to keep a channel of updates open and to help buy time? Much better relationships as they understand the process more and respect people's time. Basically there is a stress aspect, and it's not for everyone. For me, having those firm boundaries and being honest with myself that this is my time and it's my choice, I don't need to feel guilty for protecting it, it helped a lot

kelseyfrog 5y ago
> I gave myself permission to ... set clear boundaries. My biggest career regret is that I fell into the trap of not setting boundaries for fifteen years. What is clear to many people now was not to me then. Even now, I'm learning the basics like that there are different types of boundaries and in business which ones are most important to set and what happens if they aren't set. Time-boundaries, for example, are commonly discussed, but equally important are socio-emotional boundaries. Have you ever stopped to realize that you talk to a lot of people daily, but lack emotional support or the deeper connections that come from being emotionally vulnerable? I have. It's easy to surround oneself with work friendships that only ever touch on surface-level topics. Having a clear emotional boundary helps create space for emotionally meaningful connections outside of work. That's a lesson I wish I didn't have to learn the hard way.
kradeelav 5y ago
+1 to setting time and emotional boundaries. Lasted through way too many different design teams that all inevitably burnt out because the folks there (all very kind, compassionate, talented people) weren't willing to make that a hill they were willing to die on. Earlier last week, used the metaphor of putting on your oxygen mask "first" in case of an airplane catastrophe, before putting on anyone else's mask, even your child's - think that's quite apt here.

DiggyJohnson 5y ago

Right there with you, nobody has ever put it in words in front of me before.