I am so terribly sorry to hear what has happened to your family. What you have gone through and what you are going through are unspeakably painful. When I lost

I am so terribly sorry to hear what has happened to your family. What you have gone through and what you are going through are unspeakably painful. When I lost my wife last year, I needed a lot of comforting. I still do. I'm not sharing this with you because I think you needed to get religion or change religion or whatever. I'm sharing it because it helped me and continues to help me immeasurably: https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g201407/tragedy-loss-loved-one/ https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g201407/tragedy-loss... What you learn in that will help you. You may also need to accept that it might be out of your power to fix this situation. That doesn't mean you failed your son. It means that the world around us is broken. As individuals we can't always do anything to fix it. And I'm not saying don't fight. I'm saying count the cost. But there is something that's broken that you can do something about: Your surviving family. They need you. You need them. Focus on the living and your son will never be forgotten. It already took his life. Don't let it take yours too. The Bible teaches that when a body dies the existence has ended. But yours continues, so focus on taking care of yourself and your wife. Hang in there. It does get better but you have to work toward that. Work on regaining focus on the things that are most important so that you can help your family get through every day. I will pray that God comforts you the way he is comforting me.