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> Maybe you need to rethink that. Do your friends really warrant less respect than colleagues Are your friends paying you to complete whatever tasks they ask o

by gtowey 5y ago

> Maybe you need to rethink that. Do your friends really warrant less respect than colleagues Are your friends paying you to complete whatever tasks they ask of you? Really what it means is this: A friend may ask something of you and you decline with a stated reason. Then they start finding ways to tell you your reason is invalid and then therefore you shouldn't refuse. This is the part that's disrespectful. Sometimes you are willing to have a discussion and change your mind, but there is too much of a culture where people think they can always out argue your "no". With people who don't respect this boundary, giving a reason is never good enough and just gives them fodder to exhaust you with pointless arguments. Sometimes you really are not willing to change your mind. This is where the title of this article applies -- don't give them any material to go on and end with a "no" alone.

antisthenes 5y ago
No.
sdoering 5y ago
> Then they start finding ways to tell you your reason is invalid The moment I cut them out of my life. Whoever feels entitled to denigrating the reasons I state for not doing something (in the context of friendship) and so blatantly disrespects me by showing that they feel their needs trump mine is nothing I need in my life. I cut clients loose that disrespect me in a professional manner, why should I deal with such people privately. > With people who don't respect this boundary, giving a reason is never good enough Agreed. But to me it is a great filter as described above. It works to my advantage in triggering people I don't want to have in my life to reveal themselves. A positive example: My SO and me are providing a foster home to stray cats rescued in neutering campaigns (cats that were to ill/young/hurt to be returned to the spot they were captured at for neutering). It happenes that we regularly receive request if we could take in a cat or more. As we are doing this for different groups they never know if we have capacity left. So we sometimes have to say no. One group tried to argue that one more cat would not burden us much more. They really did not respect our no. Since then we don't work with this group anymore and concentrate one the two animal welfare groups that actually respect the people in the back (the foster homes and others).

by gtowey 5y ago

antisthenes 5y ago

No.

sdoering 5y ago

> Then they start finding ways to tell you your reason is invalid The moment I cut them out of my life. Whoever feels entitled to denigrating the reasons I state for not doing something (in the context of friendship) and so blatantly disrespects me by showing that they feel their needs trump mine is nothing I need in my life. I cut clients loose that disrespect me in a professional manner, why should I deal with such people privately. > With people who don't respect this boundary, giving a reason is never good enough Agreed. But to me it is a great filter as described above. It works to my advantage in triggering people I don't want to have in my life to reveal themselves. A positive example: My SO and me are providing a foster home to stray cats rescued in neutering campaigns (cats that were to ill/young/hurt to be returned to the spot they were captured at for neutering). It happenes that we regularly receive request if we could take in a cat or more. As we are doing this for different groups they never know if we have capacity left. So we sometimes have to say no. One group tried to argue that one more cat would not burden us much more. They really did not respect our no. Since then we don't work with this group anymore and concentrate one the two animal welfare groups that actually respect the people in the back (the foster homes and others).