4 ms·

At least for me and my spouse, we need stability. It is impossible to raise 2 children when you know you are going to be a slave to the bank for 30 years and ha

At least for me and my spouse, we need stability. It is impossible to raise 2 children when you know you are going to be a slave to the bank for 30 years and have no guarantees of job and healthcare. If healthcare alone would have been taken care of, we might have considered 2 kids. But for now, I hesitate to have even 1.

brewtide 5y ago
It's not impossible to raise children in these conditions. I just turned 40 and have an 8 1/2 and 6 1/2 year old in the living room next to me reading books to each other. There are 2 of them, and one of me. I am 'enslaved' to the bank for the next 20 something years. I am self-employed in the trades. I have very solid foundation in fixing and building things, which seems to survive many economic downturns as things that are needed to be done, are needed to be done regardless if a booming market or not - You just may face a bit more competition at that point. Not ranting against you, or picking on your decisioning - Obviously it is a super-personal choice, and I'm glad thoughts have been put in place about many factors involved. That being said, I've heard "I'm going to wait until I am 100% fully stable and secure to do **" my entire life. While I will agree that there are certain conditions and 'times of lives' that are extremely bad* ideas to do large things, especially when it comes into involving other dependents, I really don't think 100% stability is ever achievable. You or your significant other could be taken out by a car tomorrow, or be caught in a fire, or even hit by lightening. Obviously I had my first child when I was in the lower 30's -- for me, I'm finding this to be a very nice timeframe that worked in my life. I was far less stable than I am now, in the conventional sense of having a savings account, or owning a house, and I've managed to both purchase a house, and while hardly rich by any conventional notions of the world, when the car(s) break, or the house needs a roof, I am able to have those things done by either paying $ outright, or using prior life skills to offset the labor charges of those things making them more financially easier to swallow. My point is, now I am 40. They are still pretty little, and yeah, children require an insane amount of work and energy input to not only 'maintain', but 120% of what you have to offer to really enjoy the experience. I, personally, wouldn't want to be any older than I am now while having children at the ages they are - Advil is frequently consumed by now, part of growing up rolling around on a skateboard, part doing manual trades for (most) of my working life thus far, and part just being 40 and out of the 'Spring Chicken' age. Time goes by, and with it, we get older. There is no way of changing that. The other factors in modern life, the money, the housing, the 'stability' can ebb and flow both by actions of your own and by actions too varied to even account for -- But time goes one direction. I wish you the best, and strongly suggest if you want to have a child, and it's not 'the worst time possible' to do as such (drug addictions, homeless, uh, similar things) then perhaps ditch some of the fear of 'stability' (that truly very few have; none if you acknowledge life can end at any time for any of us) and get to doing the living! Hard times happen to many; Even us single parent folk (and yeah, it makes things a bit harder, that's for sure) but I can promise you, if you care and you're willing to put the effort in, boy, it's worth it!
- nine_zeros 5y ago
  I love children. But I cannot take care of them. Spouse and I have made the conscious decision of not ever going for more than 1. We just cannot afford it.
jll29 5y ago
I understand your concerns, and many share them. However, stability is an illusion. Everything changes, and more often than not, that's a good thing. Healthcare is important, everyone deserves that, kid or not. - Europe has that figured out more so than the (richer) US. But you don't need a massive house to raise two kids (although a bit of garden would help). I'd say to wait for a state that you could call "stability" may be imply a wait until it's too late; your decision making should incorporate other factors such as your biological age, your levels of energy and support potentially available from grandparents where still applicable. If you map all of these out over time, you will see that while jon stability may or may not improve most other facctors will worsen irreversibly.
- nine_zeros 5y ago
  I think there is are different kinds of stability. The problem in America is the rat race never ends and that it is FAR TOO EASY to lose your hard earned wealth. Lawsuits, divorce, healthcare costs, daycare, tutoring all suck money away very quickly. Furthermore, laws are set up in a way that can take away your earning potential. A small criminal records from 20 years ago can affect your career at a private business. A loss of drivers license will impede you from getting to work. A health issue will get you disability and FMLA but set you behind in the corporate rat race so fast that you will regret it. In America, the fall is precipitous. You could have been a model citizen for 40 years of your life. But only one slip up (say a critical health diagnosis) and you are on the slippery slope down. This, as opposed to Asian countries which have a free market and yet, the fall is not precipitous. In most other countries, if you have been a model citizen for 40 years, it's very hard for your life to fall apart.

brewtide 5y ago

It's not impossible to raise children in these conditions. I just turned 40 and have an 8 1/2 and 6 1/2 year old in the living room next to me reading books to each other. There are 2 of them, and one of me. I am 'enslaved' to the bank for the next 20 something years. I am self-employed in the trades. I have very solid foundation in fixing and building things, which seems to survive many economic downturns as things that are needed to be done, are needed to be done regardless if a booming market or not - You just may face a bit more competition at that point. Not ranting against you, or picking on your decisioning - Obviously it is a super-personal choice, and I'm glad thoughts have been put in place about many factors involved. That being said, I've heard "I'm going to wait until I am 100% fully stable and secure to do **" my entire life. While I will agree that there are certain conditions and 'times of lives' that are extremely bad* ideas to do large things, especially when it comes into involving other dependents, I really don't think 100% stability is ever achievable. You or your significant other could be taken out by a car tomorrow, or be caught in a fire, or even hit by lightening. Obviously I had my first child when I was in the lower 30's -- for me, I'm finding this to be a very nice timeframe that worked in my life. I was far less stable than I am now, in the conventional sense of having a savings account, or owning a house, and I've managed to both purchase a house, and while hardly rich by any conventional notions of the world, when the car(s) break, or the house needs a roof, I am able to have those things done by either paying $ outright, or using prior life skills to offset the labor charges of those things making them more financially easier to swallow. My point is, now I am 40. They are still pretty little, and yeah, children require an insane amount of work and energy input to not only 'maintain', but 120% of what you have to offer to really enjoy the experience. I, personally, wouldn't want to be any older than I am now while having children at the ages they are - Advil is frequently consumed by now, part of growing up rolling around on a skateboard, part doing manual trades for (most) of my working life thus far, and part just being 40 and out of the 'Spring Chicken' age. Time goes by, and with it, we get older. There is no way of changing that. The other factors in modern life, the money, the housing, the 'stability' can ebb and flow both by actions of your own and by actions too varied to even account for -- But time goes one direction. I wish you the best, and strongly suggest if you want to have a child, and it's not 'the worst time possible' to do as such (drug addictions, homeless, uh, similar things) then perhaps ditch some of the fear of 'stability' (that truly very few have; none if you acknowledge life can end at any time for any of us) and get to doing the living! Hard times happen to many; Even us single parent folk (and yeah, it makes things a bit harder, that's for sure) but I can promise you, if you care and you're willing to put the effort in, boy, it's worth it!

nine_zeros 5y ago
I love children. But I cannot take care of them. Spouse and I have made the conscious decision of not ever going for more than 1. We just cannot afford it.

jll29 5y ago

I understand your concerns, and many share them. However, stability is an illusion. Everything changes, and more often than not, that's a good thing. Healthcare is important, everyone deserves that, kid or not. - Europe has that figured out more so than the (richer) US. But you don't need a massive house to raise two kids (although a bit of garden would help). I'd say to wait for a state that you could call "stability" may be imply a wait until it's too late; your decision making should incorporate other factors such as your biological age, your levels of energy and support potentially available from grandparents where still applicable. If you map all of these out over time, you will see that while jon stability may or may not improve most other facctors will worsen irreversibly.

nine_zeros 5y ago
I think there is are different kinds of stability. The problem in America is the rat race never ends and that it is FAR TOO EASY to lose your hard earned wealth. Lawsuits, divorce, healthcare costs, daycare, tutoring all suck money away very quickly. Furthermore, laws are set up in a way that can take away your earning potential. A small criminal records from 20 years ago can affect your career at a private business. A loss of drivers license will impede you from getting to work. A health issue will get you disability and FMLA but set you behind in the corporate rat race so fast that you will regret it. In America, the fall is precipitous. You could have been a model citizen for 40 years of your life. But only one slip up (say a critical health diagnosis) and you are on the slippery slope down. This, as opposed to Asian countries which have a free market and yet, the fall is not precipitous. In most other countries, if you have been a model citizen for 40 years, it's very hard for your life to fall apart.