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Not everyone's mental health has benefitted. I have been depressed for the past 2 years and started cutting myself and doing other selfharm. The only face to fa

Not everyone's mental health has benefitted. I have been depressed for the past 2 years and started cutting myself and doing other selfharm. The only face to face social interactions I have are with baristas now.

throwaway6532 5y ago
Same. As time progresses it's just going from bad to worse. I need to be around people. I'm not functional in a fully remote environment :(
Bancakes 5y ago
- plasma_beam 5y ago
  Shocking. Why even reply. There is no need for this on HN.
- tessierashpool 5y ago
  that is not helpful and you should delete it.
danesparza 5y ago
You didn't ask for advice, but I'm going to give you some. See a counselor (aka a therapist). Depression is treatable, but you need to get help. The world needs a "you" that is in the right headspace.
- barry-cotter 5y ago
  - dijit 5y ago
    Forcing everyone to be in the office because you are having a hard time having a social experience is definitely a personal problem. I would recommend social clubs. Or, opt for a company that’s on-site. I’ve always been pro-choice in this regard. The problem is that companies have to be all or nothing, you can’t 50/50 remote work between people. Some kind of hybrid is also good. Come in for a few hours or a couple days a week. All the benefits of both approaches.
  - Sebb767 5y ago
    Telling someone who's already at the stage of self harm to just get out and meet some people is not helpful at all. You can't just "get over" a depression, it's an actual sickness. Now, I see where you're coming from; if you feel that you're a bit less happy without meeting people, suggesting to go out is perfectly reasonable. But from what the OP described, they definitely need professional help (and money is also a really bad reason to ignore severe health problems).
    - barry-cotter 5y ago
      It was not suggested that he get drugs, i.e. go to a psychiatrist. That’s very likely to be immediately helpful. Therapists are crap shoots. Going out and meeting people is something this person could go out and do right now, that they have identified as the root of their problem. The analogy is by no means perfect but we’re talking “Oh, you have scurvy, why don’t you eat five oranges.” levels of direct cause and effect relationship here. There are interventions that reliably have large positive effects on depression for many people. Exercise, sleep deprivation, ketamine. Therapy is great if you find a therapist who vibes with you but it’s the vibes that do it, not the therapy. That’s what the therapeutic relationship is about. If you’re depressed and can manage to try something that might work immediately you should. Therapy is not that. > Client perception: that the client perceives, to at least a minimal degree, the therapist's unconditional positive regard and empathic understanding. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapeutic_relationship#:~:text=The%20therapeutic%20relationship%20refers%20to%20the%20relationship%20between,other%20and%20effect%20beneficial%20change%20in%20the%20client https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapeutic_relationship#:~:....
  - philsnow 5y ago
    > your subculture’s priest/shaman My subculture's priests are priests. When my wife very suddenly passed away, I spent a lot of time with a therapist. They're not the same thing. Have you ever seen a therapist?
    - barry-cotter 5y ago
      > Have you ever seen a therapist? Yes, twice or three times depending on how you would count occupational therapists/group therapy. For many hours. Enough that learning that professional training is much less important than the therapeutic relationship was not a surprise. In plain language it is vastly more important that you vibe with the person you spend hours talking with about your problems than that they have training. My condolences on your loss.
      - philsnow 5y ago
        > In plain language it is vastly more important that you vibe with the person you spend hours talking with about your problems than that they have training. 100% agree, and thank you
gedy 5y ago
Sorry to hear that. I would recommend you build social relationships outside the office even in the best of times, layoffs happen, people leave, companies fold, etc and it's not healthy to depend on work like that.
yrgulation 5y ago
That is why i am not against people wanting onsite. Life is full of nuance. I dont know what kind of advice to give you, but what i found when i was lonely was that changing the setting helped. I lived in london for more than a decade. Despite it being a crowded city i found it quite lonely. I despised that loneliness and my only friends were coworkers. Up until i got “sent” north of england. Suddenly i had a social life, met folks from outside my work and frankly since that point onwards i decided to ditch london for good. One just has to find the inner strength to let people in. Be it through hobbies or randoms there is always a place for everyone. Maybe even changing countries and cultures for more open people can help.
tessierashpool 5y ago
a therapist, or a group for group therapy, can help.
plasma_beam 5y ago
Friend, know that you're not alone in spirit. The past two years have been tough, and many of us have struggled. I hope you find some peace.
brotoss 5y ago
and your point? he literally said doesn't care if other people want to be on site.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
qbasic_forever 5y ago
Parks, gyms, sports, recreation centers, libraries, theaters, concert venues, etc. are all totally open and have been open for full in person activities for much of that last 12 months in every state of the US. Go out and live life, there are near zero restrictions on you seeing other people in person. Almost nowhere requires masks right now either.
VenerablePotage 5y ago
That's horrible. I hope you find a support system that helps you out of this dark place. Do you draw a line directly specific from work-from-home to your current state? In the past couple of years we've globally had economic strife, millions of deaths and political unrest at enormous scale in addition to the switch to Zoom calls. Would -all things being equal- your desire to self harm be eliminated if you and your fellow employees were back to exchanging pleasantries at the office?
vonseel 5y ago
I don’t self-harm, but I agree WFH has been damaging for some of us. Honestly, going to an office everyday just helps me keep a schedule better and makes me more disciplined. It’s very hard for me to be productive when I can get into the habit of just wearing sweatpants all day and barely showering.
lentil_soup 5y ago
If your only option is WFH, would you consider working from a coworking space? I've worked from one the entire pandemic and it has been life changing, only a 5min walk from my house, met great people, get to socialise outside work, etc

throwaway6532 5y ago

Same. As time progresses it's just going from bad to worse. I need to be around people. I'm not functional in a fully remote environment :(

Bancakes 5y ago

plasma_beam 5y ago
Shocking. Why even reply. There is no need for this on HN.
tessierashpool 5y ago
that is not helpful and you should delete it.

danesparza 5y ago

You didn't ask for advice, but I'm going to give you some. See a counselor (aka a therapist). Depression is treatable, but you need to get help. The world needs a "you" that is in the right headspace.

barry-cotter 5y ago
- dijit 5y ago
  Forcing everyone to be in the office because you are having a hard time having a social experience is definitely a personal problem. I would recommend social clubs. Or, opt for a company that’s on-site. I’ve always been pro-choice in this regard. The problem is that companies have to be all or nothing, you can’t 50/50 remote work between people. Some kind of hybrid is also good. Come in for a few hours or a couple days a week. All the benefits of both approaches.
- Sebb767 5y ago
  Telling someone who's already at the stage of self harm to just get out and meet some people is not helpful at all. You can't just "get over" a depression, it's an actual sickness. Now, I see where you're coming from; if you feel that you're a bit less happy without meeting people, suggesting to go out is perfectly reasonable. But from what the OP described, they definitely need professional help (and money is also a really bad reason to ignore severe health problems).
  - barry-cotter 5y ago
    It was not suggested that he get drugs, i.e. go to a psychiatrist. That’s very likely to be immediately helpful. Therapists are crap shoots. Going out and meeting people is something this person could go out and do right now, that they have identified as the root of their problem. The analogy is by no means perfect but we’re talking “Oh, you have scurvy, why don’t you eat five oranges.” levels of direct cause and effect relationship here. There are interventions that reliably have large positive effects on depression for many people. Exercise, sleep deprivation, ketamine. Therapy is great if you find a therapist who vibes with you but it’s the vibes that do it, not the therapy. That’s what the therapeutic relationship is about. If you’re depressed and can manage to try something that might work immediately you should. Therapy is not that. > Client perception: that the client perceives, to at least a minimal degree, the therapist's unconditional positive regard and empathic understanding. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapeutic_relationship#:~:text=The%20therapeutic%20relationship%20refers%20to%20the%20relationship%20between,other%20and%20effect%20beneficial%20change%20in%20the%20client https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapeutic_relationship#:~:....
- philsnow 5y ago
  > your subculture’s priest/shaman My subculture's priests are priests. When my wife very suddenly passed away, I spent a lot of time with a therapist. They're not the same thing. Have you ever seen a therapist?
  - barry-cotter 5y ago
    > Have you ever seen a therapist? Yes, twice or three times depending on how you would count occupational therapists/group therapy. For many hours. Enough that learning that professional training is much less important than the therapeutic relationship was not a surprise. In plain language it is vastly more important that you vibe with the person you spend hours talking with about your problems than that they have training. My condolences on your loss.
    - philsnow 5y ago
      > In plain language it is vastly more important that you vibe with the person you spend hours talking with about your problems than that they have training. 100% agree, and thank you

gedy 5y ago

Sorry to hear that. I would recommend you build social relationships outside the office even in the best of times, layoffs happen, people leave, companies fold, etc and it's not healthy to depend on work like that.

yrgulation 5y ago

That is why i am not against people wanting onsite. Life is full of nuance. I dont know what kind of advice to give you, but what i found when i was lonely was that changing the setting helped. I lived in london for more than a decade. Despite it being a crowded city i found it quite lonely. I despised that loneliness and my only friends were coworkers. Up until i got “sent” north of england. Suddenly i had a social life, met folks from outside my work and frankly since that point onwards i decided to ditch london for good. One just has to find the inner strength to let people in. Be it through hobbies or randoms there is always a place for everyone. Maybe even changing countries and cultures for more open people can help.

tessierashpool 5y ago

a therapist, or a group for group therapy, can help.

plasma_beam 5y ago

Friend, know that you're not alone in spirit. The past two years have been tough, and many of us have struggled. I hope you find some peace.

brotoss 5y ago

and your point? he literally said doesn't care if other people want to be on site.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

qbasic_forever 5y ago

Parks, gyms, sports, recreation centers, libraries, theaters, concert venues, etc. are all totally open and have been open for full in person activities for much of that last 12 months in every state of the US. Go out and live life, there are near zero restrictions on you seeing other people in person. Almost nowhere requires masks right now either.

VenerablePotage 5y ago

That's horrible. I hope you find a support system that helps you out of this dark place. Do you draw a line directly specific from work-from-home to your current state? In the past couple of years we've globally had economic strife, millions of deaths and political unrest at enormous scale in addition to the switch to Zoom calls. Would -all things being equal- your desire to self harm be eliminated if you and your fellow employees were back to exchanging pleasantries at the office?

vonseel 5y ago

I don’t self-harm, but I agree WFH has been damaging for some of us. Honestly, going to an office everyday just helps me keep a schedule better and makes me more disciplined. It’s very hard for me to be productive when I can get into the habit of just wearing sweatpants all day and barely showering.

lentil_soup 5y ago

If your only option is WFH, would you consider working from a coworking space? I've worked from one the entire pandemic and it has been life changing, only a 5min walk from my house, met great people, get to socialise outside work, etc