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Make yourself interesting, so people want to meet you. It’s not a function of place or setting — you can start a conversation almost anywhere. It helps not to s

Make yourself interesting, so people want to meet you. It’s not a function of place or setting — you can start a conversation almost anywhere. It helps not to start from assumptions and judgments about how other people might “conform to a very rote/traditional lifestyle,” whatever that means, or about how great a conversationalist a stranger might be. The implication is that you consider yourself interesting, non-traditional and free from rote conformity, and a great conversationalist, which may come across to strangers as aloof, self-centered, and dismissive. Common politeness generally means avoiding personal or possibly controversial topics with strangers, so you might have to invest the time to get to know someone.

topsycatt 5y ago
No, I actually do conform to a rote/traditional lifestyle fairly closely. I'm actively trying to branch out with some success, but I'm also looking to talk to people who are unlike myself to get outside perspective, ideas for growth, and just to have a fun discussion! I like to think I don't come across as aloof, self-centered, and dismissive, but -- like I mentioned in another comment -- who really knows what another thinks of them? Perhaps that's a good area to validate my assumptions so that I'm not shooting myself in the foot. And on your last point, I definitely agree. Sometimes however you can find yourself in a situation where those barriers don't really apply and you can have a deep, interesting conversation with little prompting. I guess the heart of my question is about where people find those interesting conversations with greater regularity.
- gregjor 5y ago
  For me the most interesting connections have happened in the least-expected ways, which means I can’t give a good answer. Many years ago I suffered from painful shyness. A friend who did not have that problem told me to try acting “not shy.” He suggested I go out of my way to talk to at least one stranger every day, even if just to ask a question that might start a conversation. “What’s the best coffee (food, drink, etc.) here?” At a bar I will ask the bartender to give me a shot of her favorite whiskey or tequila, then ask why that’s her favorite. That kind of thing. I have started some good conversations and met some great people that way. And over time the shyness receded as well. In general people love to talk, and many people feel lonely and want to connect, so they welcome someone who makes the first move as long as it’s not creepy or intrusive. You have to read the situation of course, but a smile and sincere question or comment can work most of the time.

topsycatt 5y ago

No, I actually do conform to a rote/traditional lifestyle fairly closely. I'm actively trying to branch out with some success, but I'm also looking to talk to people who are unlike myself to get outside perspective, ideas for growth, and just to have a fun discussion! I like to think I don't come across as aloof, self-centered, and dismissive, but -- like I mentioned in another comment -- who really knows what another thinks of them? Perhaps that's a good area to validate my assumptions so that I'm not shooting myself in the foot. And on your last point, I definitely agree. Sometimes however you can find yourself in a situation where those barriers don't really apply and you can have a deep, interesting conversation with little prompting. I guess the heart of my question is about where people find those interesting conversations with greater regularity.

gregjor 5y ago
For me the most interesting connections have happened in the least-expected ways, which means I can’t give a good answer. Many years ago I suffered from painful shyness. A friend who did not have that problem told me to try acting “not shy.” He suggested I go out of my way to talk to at least one stranger every day, even if just to ask a question that might start a conversation. “What’s the best coffee (food, drink, etc.) here?” At a bar I will ask the bartender to give me a shot of her favorite whiskey or tequila, then ask why that’s her favorite. That kind of thing. I have started some good conversations and met some great people that way. And over time the shyness receded as well. In general people love to talk, and many people feel lonely and want to connect, so they welcome someone who makes the first move as long as it’s not creepy or intrusive. You have to read the situation of course, but a smile and sincere question or comment can work most of the time.