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I don't agree with this article. Being supportive is not being nice. Being supportive can be cruel. I do a lot of mentoring for startup founders. I usually get

I don't agree with this article. Being supportive is not being nice. Being supportive can be cruel. I do a lot of mentoring for startup founders. I usually get asked to help with pricing and positioning strategy because it's hard to find mentors with that expertise. In particular, there are two SDG-focused programs I mentor at every year. The founders are very early stage. Some have products and customers, but most just have MVPs and customer interviews. It's kind of heartbreaking. These new founders have had so much validation. The program and other mentors have told them how they should be admired for following their dreams and how they are the future and will be saving the planet. Aad I come along and say "OK. How do you know people will buy this? No, sadly, people don't buy things because it's the right thing to do. OK people have said this is 'fun', but how much are they willing to pay?" My evaluations at the end of these programs tend to be an extreme split between founders who write things like "This was the best 45 minutes of the entire program." and those who write tings like "This mentor just didn't care about me or my startup." Sigh You are not doing your friends any favors by simply smiling and and telling them how clever they are. You might be making their lives worse.

CPLX 5y ago
It’s possible to hold your view and the view in the article simultaneously. Your role was to critique them. A friend’s role is to be friendly. It’s possible that sometimes someone will want detailed advice and course correction and sometimes emotional support. For example you might have a different opinion of the phrase “run faster stop being lazy” coming from your spouse rather than your personal trainer.
- smoe 5y ago
  In my opinion it is much more whether the critique was solicited and in what context it was given. I don’t think I would call someone a friend, if I couldn’t trust them to give me their honest opinion and challenge me with questions. Not specifically about startups, everything in live. But there is a right time and place for things. So, yea emotional support is also important.
waylandsmithers 5y ago
I think you are describing is what the radical candor crowd would call “ruinous empathy”, ie lying to avoid hurting their feelings. There is a difference though between a conversation among friends and a founder seeking advice from a mentor. Telling a friend that their startup is dumb won’t stop them from seeing the idea through anyway, so I think the article is questioning what one hopes to accomplish by being generally negative.
scyzoryk_xyz 5y ago
Yeah this doesn’t sound like a friendship type relationship though. I’d expect my friends to be supportive and mostly not clued in on all the details. In productivity oriented organizations and relationships there are many roles which are more about what you describe - sober, sceptic, detailed, harsh, realistic etc.
- spiffytech 5y ago
  The author seems to think questions like "why would someone use you over Google?" automatically come from a place of judgement. But a friend can ask that from a place of curiosity. You can have a conversation about it, where they try to understand and where you see important things you don't have good answers to. I expect my friends to cheer for me and help me live my best life, but I also expect them to poke and prod and question and sanity-check me when I make big decisions. A friend can be supportive and challenge you at the same time. I would feel hurt and disappointed if I knew a friend had serious reservations about something I was doing but chose not to voice them, instead putting on a smile and pretending it's a great plan. It doesn't feel very friend-y for someone to cheer me as I metaphorically drive off a cliff.
  - scyzoryk_xyz 5y ago
    Oh yeah you’re totally right on that. I guess what I mean is that I wouldn’t expect that friend to do deep research or be informed. Poking is the right word for it because it’s harmless - they wouldn’t be obliged to know all the information to seriously scrutinize what I’m doing.
the_common_man 5y ago
You sound like a mentor here and not like a friend. Friends are required to be supportive, mentors give advise and direction. Very different relationship

CPLX 5y ago

It’s possible to hold your view and the view in the article simultaneously. Your role was to critique them. A friend’s role is to be friendly. It’s possible that sometimes someone will want detailed advice and course correction and sometimes emotional support. For example you might have a different opinion of the phrase “run faster stop being lazy” coming from your spouse rather than your personal trainer.

smoe 5y ago
In my opinion it is much more whether the critique was solicited and in what context it was given. I don’t think I would call someone a friend, if I couldn’t trust them to give me their honest opinion and challenge me with questions. Not specifically about startups, everything in live. But there is a right time and place for things. So, yea emotional support is also important.

waylandsmithers 5y ago

I think you are describing is what the radical candor crowd would call “ruinous empathy”, ie lying to avoid hurting their feelings. There is a difference though between a conversation among friends and a founder seeking advice from a mentor. Telling a friend that their startup is dumb won’t stop them from seeing the idea through anyway, so I think the article is questioning what one hopes to accomplish by being generally negative.

scyzoryk_xyz 5y ago

Yeah this doesn’t sound like a friendship type relationship though. I’d expect my friends to be supportive and mostly not clued in on all the details. In productivity oriented organizations and relationships there are many roles which are more about what you describe - sober, sceptic, detailed, harsh, realistic etc.

spiffytech 5y ago
The author seems to think questions like "why would someone use you over Google?" automatically come from a place of judgement. But a friend can ask that from a place of curiosity. You can have a conversation about it, where they try to understand and where you see important things you don't have good answers to. I expect my friends to cheer for me and help me live my best life, but I also expect them to poke and prod and question and sanity-check me when I make big decisions. A friend can be supportive and challenge you at the same time. I would feel hurt and disappointed if I knew a friend had serious reservations about something I was doing but chose not to voice them, instead putting on a smile and pretending it's a great plan. It doesn't feel very friend-y for someone to cheer me as I metaphorically drive off a cliff.
- scyzoryk_xyz 5y ago
  Oh yeah you’re totally right on that. I guess what I mean is that I wouldn’t expect that friend to do deep research or be informed. Poking is the right word for it because it’s harmless - they wouldn’t be obliged to know all the information to seriously scrutinize what I’m doing.

the_common_man 5y ago

You sound like a mentor here and not like a friend. Friends are required to be supportive, mentors give advise and direction. Very different relationship